Keeping her hands busy was the only thing staving off utter misery. She lifted the small kyber crystal over her head, inspecting it in the light. A luminous gold, like that of a brilliant star. Her hand shook slightly as she placed it within her newly constructed lightsaber. Another casualty of that disastrous attack on Sullust. In her last desperate effort to attack the Sith she had dropped her pike, and focused all her energy on one attack. An attack that failed to even make contact with her target. She had been thrown about like a rag doll after that, and in the chaos of trying to escape with her life left the weapon behind. The symbolism was not lost on her.
Taking a shaky breath she stood up again, lifting her new pike and igniting it's yellow blade. Moving about the chamber she began to go through the evolutions of Soresu and Makashi, still trying to occupy her mind. But as time went on she progressively abandoned the controlled and precise movements, degrading into wild furious swings and stabs. She cried out in hateful anguish as she attacked an enemy that wasn't there, cutting them apart without mercy.
"You idiot." She hissed in her native tongue as she moved through the flurry of savage lunges and slices. "You damned fool. Stupid. Worthless. Who do you think you are?" Finally with a scream of rage she launched her pike like a javelin into the far wall, the blade melting into the ancient stonework as she collapsed on the floor, pounding the ground with a fist. She realized she was shaking, her breath uneven. Slowly she looked up at the lightsaber. "I need you." She whispered. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Her eyes fell back to the floor. "I don't... Is this the will of the Force? What did we do wrong?" The lightsaber finally fell back to the floor, and with a sigh Izel picked herself up to retrieve it. She had to pull herself together. Her Padawan should be arriving soon. Although, in the moment she didn't feel much like teaching. She didn't feel like she was capable of doing anything.
@Isen