Xylonic

Xylonic

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View attachment 1630

name: xylonic
home world: Zoist
Faction: sith empire
Rank: acolyte
Race: human Cyborg
Gender: male
Age: 18
Appearance: not to mucular or skinny. black hair. pale white skin.
Height: 5,5
Eye Color: red eye other is a red cybernetic eye
cybernetics: entire right arm, left and right ankles, face and eye cybernetics
credits: 1,000

Skills: archeology, and cyber engineering

force sencitive: yes

force powers: saberthrow
telekinesis (adept)
force sight (novice)
force sence (novice)
force leap (adept)
tutaminus (novice)
force empathy (novice

Saber forms:
shi-cho
makashi

equipment:
grappling hook,
breather,
glow rods x3

starship: imperial fury class transport

Weaponry:
red duel phased saber
white lightsaber
View attachment 1634

dexterity: Xylonic is agile and flexible allowing him to jump great distance with the force and his own phisical strength. but if his cybernetics were to be damaged he would grow tired easily and be almost immoveable.

constitution: xylonic is capible great endurance by using the force to empower his blows and to ease sore muscle he can go through a battle for a while before finally surcoming to tiredness

Intelligence: xylonic spends his off time not training or resting studying ancient texts of long dead ancient sith lords with each book he reads the more his knowledge expands

wisdom: xylonic being that he is only 18 does not always make the best choices for himself

strength: using the force to empower himself xylonic can improve aponhis human cyborg strengths.

personality: xylonics personality is a curious one and a stubborn one he thinks himself to be the best and what he thinks to be the right thing and when other try to outs mart him he is easily enraged. this is proven as when xylonics curiosity and stubbornness was the reason his fater died. his curiosity is what is his best feature and his worst as for his curiosity is why he found the blaster and is why he spends time reading ancient sith novels.

Bio:
As a child xylonic had been brought into the sith after he killed his own father after he had become upset after accidentally firing off his fathers blaster. the neighbors tho heard the shot called security and xylonic was thought to have shot his father. xylonic was taken to prison on account of being at the scene of a crime and he was later visited in his cell by a sith who offered xylonic his freedom for servitude. at first xylonic had no want to join the with even though he was born on the sith world but when he was offered a chance to get out of the wreck he was in he jumped at the opportunity to the sith so xylonic agreed to the terms and went on to become sith.after showing prowess with a training saber xylonic was allowed to wield his own lightsaber where he made a red duel phase saber. he first enroled in getting a master and then enrolled into a soresu class where he learned the ultimate defencive forms basics and hoped as his power in the sith order grew his strength in the form would grow as well. xylonic also made edits to his sith robes that he was given for being a acolyte by dyeing the clothe a red color as well as baseing its design on the long dead dread guard who were servants to the dreadmasters who were masters of fear. he then added metal plating to his boots gloves and pants. after finished with the robe he realised that there was still left over clothe so he made himself a mask and added a metal peice to the mask that had a shape of a skull just like the masks of the dread guard. he then dyed thhe clothes black and metals red finishing his robes. after some training xylonic didnt like how soresu had barely any area for attack and so he searched for a from that would suit saber to saber combat. he spent his time searching for a master who could teach him the form niman so he could learn to wield the force and his saber at the same time or wield two sabers at once. he came up empty handed so he began to look for sources depicting the form and began to study it on his own but still needed a proper master in order to teach him. he found a holocron in the temple where the master in the holocron had given xylonic more knowledge on niman but xylonic still had merely only basics. he also spent much time going through the library of the sith archives learning why certain dark lords had fallen to ensure he would not fall to the same thoughts and ideas as them.

childhood:
Growing up on the planet of zoist as a merchants son xylonic was always surrounded by sith and there massive statues monuments and palaces. xylonic always had a curiosity on how the sith could do these amazing frets and often wondered why were they so cruel. once a sith had visited his father shop while xylonic was about the age of 8 and threatened him if he did not listen to the sith lord. xylonics father not realising that the person demanding free items in his shop was sith denied him and for that his father was put into a force choke. the with eventually let go and allowed xylonics father to live. xylonics father scared for his life gave the items the sith lord requested to him. years later xylonic was 16 and he had stumbled into the place where his father kept his blaster. he picked it up and waved it around childishly only to accidently fire it off. xylonics father heard the shop and ran to his son and took the blaster from his had he then scolded his for his childless. this enraged xylonic and made him imagine that he was holding his fathers heart and he closed his empty hand imagining crushing his fathers heart. no les then a second later his father fell dead and security arrived and apprehended the boy where he was brought to sith prison. there at the prison the boy was transported to the sith temple of korriban where he would start his training in the way of the dark side of the force.


life as a sith:
xylonic found that life as a sith was much better than his previous life since now he had some kind of power and control over his life instead of just being a son to a merchant. it wasn't long before xylonic would construct his first lightsaber after learning how to use the basic shi-cho form from the overseers at the academy. but before he had constructed his saber he had been given a basic practice sword which he used to great lengths till he was able to build his first saber makeing it into a duel phased weapon with a red synthetic crystal.

threads:
[Class] Moving With the Mind
[Sith Mission] Excavation of the Ruins
Studying under the feet of a Holocron (self training)
[Training] Kes meets an unusual person (training)
[Training] Acolytes' Skills (training)
Us Against The World (duel)
[class] Absorbing the lesson (training)
The Rite of the Long Dead: A Sith Magic theory lesson (getting the fundamentals of sith magic)

 
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Naruto667

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...first things first I don't think you can have a character with the title Darth for now at least

and everything else...you have much to work on =/..but i'll need to find the links you need...but yeah =/
 

Lost Hero

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This profile needs ALOT OF WORK. I SEVERLY recommend you read the rules on character bios and such, becuz I think you broke quite a few of em. You should also take a look at the bio templates so you have a proper full bio. But yea, the admins will chew up this bio very quickly. Please read the guidelines.
 

Flamjetxx

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Hey, at least you're excited about this judging by the obvious enthusiasm in your profile ;)
 

Miz

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Now, now it wouldn't be fun if you started from the very start. I think its a rule that your first character has to start from the bottom. Trust me working your way up, will make RPing more accomplishing.
 

Omnis

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New members can only make Acolytes with basic powers and middling stats. This character will not be approved until it is completely reworked.

There are powers listed there that are either banned or I've never even heard of. Take some time to read through all of the site and faction rules.
 

TheSilentWind

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I suggest you review the rules before you start making a profile because you must get approved to be a Darth and also you have to be an acolyte which is at the beginning stage because that is how it is. Also please pick the grammar mistakes because their are quite a lot of them and please read the sheet for characters because yours does not follow the regulations.
 

Flamjetxx

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I want to start off saying that I admire your ambition for the best and the enthusiasm you have is staggering, but as you have heard before: it's far more fun to start off from the bottom and RolePlay (RP) your desired status. Of 'course, this will take time and effort, but it's all VERY rewarding in the end. I wouldn't think of this as much like a video game when you aspire to achieve the highest rank, but rather consider this to be a story that you're trying to tell. If your story requires you to be a higher rank, then first tell the story of how he achieved that higher rank.

Keep in mind how many of us there are on this site, but only VERY few of us have as high of a rank (or equal rank) that you are requesting. Those, coincidentally, are the ones that have been RPing on this site for multiple years. I'm afraid that starting off at such a high rank wouldn't be very fun for you, not to mention anyone you may want to duel with. No-one is going to want to duel you with such a powerful character. Not even those who have equal ranking characters, because frankly, this guy is scary as Heck, for the reasons that he has so many skills. This, honestly looks like a goal rather than something you'd have much fun RPing. Just imagine if you started every video game with everything already, and didn't have to work for it. You'd be bored of the game in a week's time.:ieee:

None of us are trying to tell you you're a bad guy for even creating this character, but you just overlooked a few things. Firstly, it would help to look at character template rules, the first post mostly. It looks like you already took a peak at the template itself.
As Omnis pointed out, the Force powers are probably the scariest part of this guy, and make him more overpowered than some of the most powerful charters on the site. I would check out disallowed force powers, just to narrow some of them down, but since you can only start off as an Acolyte leveled rank, I might just limit it to the basics. You can get the feel for what the basics are by looking at any other Approved Force Sensitive Profile.

I know you didn't want to hear Any of this, but trust me. I think you'll enjoy the site far more this way. The good news is that, when you DO reach a rank as high as what your furthest character has reached, it will make it that much more easier to create another character at that same rank (with good reason).

Some more tips: Your Bio kind of sounds more like another list of skills. Try to create a story as to How your character got to where he is today. Just a summary of what happened in his childhood or something. Based on the fact that you will only be able to start off as an Acolyte rank, it would be good to double check what an Acolyte is capable of: few basic force abilities, mediocre to low physical capabilities, a single lightsaber form, etc...

Don't feel too bad about this. I still have some troubles when creating my profiles (making them seem too powerful). I've had multiple profile chewed up. I think that some of them are barely hanging on with the duct tape I used to patch them up with. ;)

Th best people to talk to about your profile would be the Forum Leaders (FL). They would be the Best people to Private Message (PM) about help. These in particular would be the Faction Leaders of the Sith and Character profiles: Padme, Wiesse, Rom. You can check the bottom of the web page of each faction to see who the faction leaders are. And those will link you to their pages.

GL, and don't give up. I can't wait to see the finished copy!
 

Cassanova

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Alright you lot. That's enough. Every one of you has said the exact same thing to this new member. The point is delivered. Give him some time to read your critiques and make edits or defend his case. No need to dogpile, goddamit.
 

Dmitri

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Cassandra is correct. Sith leadership will review this. No need to hound him on things other have already been addressed.
 

Cassanova

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Cassandra is correct. Sith leadership will review this. No need to hound him on things other have already been addressed.
I will ask that you don't call me that, Weiss.
 

Xylonic

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thx for the help i didnt really read the starting out rules i didnt notices them at first im going to edit my page now im also baseing this character off of my sith warrior in the game swtor who is lvl 55 (highest level in the game and is a darth) so im going to edit what i may have obverly done. and i have no idea how to swtich the title to just simply say xylonic
 
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Marf

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All Sith have to start somewhere, your character in SWTOR was a young Acolyte once and I'm sure he went through some major development through his career. Just re-write him as how he would be as young and low-ranking and have him age and rank up through RP. Remember though to make his personality realistic in accordance to his age and rank, (make him inexperienced, immature, etc).

My character Soren Klement is actually the teenage Acolyte version of my Darth character off-site ^^
 

Sess

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thx for the help i didnt really read the starting out rules i didnt notices them at first im going to edit my page now im also baseing this character off of my sith warrior in the game swtor who is lvl 55 (highest level in the game and is a darth) so im going to edit what i may have obverly done. and i have no idea how to swtich the title to just simply say xylonic

That's an easy one man, click edit post, then go down and click go advanced. Once you click that the page will re load. At the top where the title would be you can delete it and type something new in the box. :)
 

Marf

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Ok I can see you've edited it, but the site rules require a minimum of 50 words each for the personality and biography. 50 words is still incredibly tiny, and in my opinion, will not be sufficient in describing a detailed, complex personality or backstory.

What was his childhood like? Where was his home? Was it happy or not? How did the Sith discover him? Why did he kill his father? A Sith killing their parents, or witnessing their parents' death is very common cliche and requires a good amount of depth, detail and thought in order to make it original and interesting. Killing ones' own parent is an extreme act, and would usually only occur in equally extreme circumstances. What could possibly drive you to murder your parent? How did the character develop up until the murder? How has his personality as a whole been affected by his life so far?
 

Xylonic

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i editted alot of it it based on what i been told thank you
 
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