Ask Corellia Walking a Fine Line

[Dr Ilana Morata]

All the while that she spoke and he listened, she was sensing him. Even the facial expressions she didn't see were betrayed by his constant emotional flux, and she wondered briefly if he was ever still in that regard. Curiosity, worry, a low grade of discomfort once the attention was focused on him. Odd that he was being so open to a virtual stranger; she had the feeling he was not so candid to even some of his coworkers, which begged the question of what she was in his perspective. He seemed also eager to be within her tight constraints of comfort level, though eager perhaps seemed too strong a word. Keen, perhaps?

Still, she nodded once at his answer, seemingly satisfied. She brushed her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. Amber eyes carefully surveyed his face before answering, and something struck her; he was young. Probably quite a few years younger than her... and she felt tired all of a sudden, deep down in her bones. Why he even bothered humoring her was beyond her scope of emotional understanding. She didn't actively seek out nor encourage connection, yet somehow he was getting under her skin, getting to her thoughts it felt like. The old urge to retreat emotionally and find physical distance was a powerful pull, but she resisted by taking all of his reactions in.

Every emotion, every small thought was betrayed by a movement, a micro facial expression flickering and fading, shifting himself to make her comfortable... and she found it weirdly refreshing. She didn't wear a mask... yet oddly she felt the intense desire to startle him by being blunt, shake out some intense reaction, but once again it was subdued. At his question she exhaled quietly, lips twitching slightly in near nostalgia.

"I wanted to understand," she replied softly, eyeing him. "About everything. Blasters, vibroblades, exotic weaponry. How their wound patterns could be treated... how to be useful in a galaxy where being educated matters little." Her voice was soft, gazing at him more directly now. Slowly, carefully, she shifted over to face him more directly, eyes meeting his directly. "There are some perks to being a physician... the first of all having a code to live by. I find it reassuring to know the first rule: Do no harm. I'm sure you understand very well the need for rules and codes."

She had an odd urge, again, to close distance, but pain and a need to have some space for sake of not pushing too far warred in her mind. She would wait still, read him more to understand what he wanted, if he even knew at all. Her own question followed easily after, voice a quiet rasp. It was the most obvious, easy question in the galaxy, and yet perhaps not the easiest to answer.

"Why a Ranger?"

@TerranSteel

 

[Corran Velt]

The answer was unexpected.

When individuals choose to become nurses, physicians, or doctors, they often do it for charitable reasons. To rise above the rat-race of credits and seek to be truly moral. To improve the conditions of the sick. To give back in a way no other profession can. Corran’s eyebrow slowly rose along with his surprise. Ilana was talking about weapons and the injuries they caused. How the skills of a medical professional would make her useful, not what she could do for others. They were the same reasons anyone would become a doctor, but reflected in a dark mirror. She spoke soft, but her targeted gaze conveyed a certain determination; a fierce will. Corran stared back, unflinching in the revelation.

What he did fully grasp was the doctor’s adherence to an oath. That the young man understood perfectly clear. In a galaxy where a central governing force was practically nonexistent, one only had their personal code to rely on. Without one, he believed, all individuals slid into the whims of their basest instincts and usually moral decay. What Ilana did not realize is how similar the two were. Both doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. The young man didn’t immediately reply to her question. His features darkened a bit, jaw shifting slowly from one side to the other. His eyes focused on the black metal of the bed frame underneath the mattress, staring forward. The Ranger had never lied to her; the truth was the only way forward.

“Revenge,” Corran replied in a gruff, focused voice, “…At first.” It was something that wouldn’t have been hard to piece together if someone had a frame of his youth in focus. The fingers on his thigh slowly curled into a fist. “I wanted to punish those who wronged me. I came to understand the difference between punishment and justice. While I had been wronged, so many countless others across the stars have been as well. It wasn’t about me anymore. By the oath I swore and the laws I enforce, I can bring some semblance of fairness to an unfair galaxy." He finally looked up and nodded to his jacket and by proxy, the Ranger emblem that laid on stamped metal on the inner pocket, "The badge gives me the best opportunity to do that."

Those words left a feeling of righteousness in his chest. Though it didn't feel complete. It wasn't until now that he realized his motivations stood apart from his actions - at least to the innocent. The Ranger didn't stop to dispense justice on the two thugs in the alleyway, even after they were knocked unconscious. He focused on helping... Ilana. The clenched fist on his lap slowly unfurled and his face softened. Is that what really drove him? Who he was wasn't as clear as once thought.

His eyes rose to reflect in the natural gold of the doctor's gaze, "Would you do anything different, if you could start over?"

@Killa Ree

 

[Dr Ilana Morata]

She could understand all too well the need for vengeance.

Again, her mind flickered back to Kai. At the gaping chasm of unanswerables, but primarily what had happened... and if it was someone's fault, how to take revenge on that. She watched as he explained his side of the tracks, and realized that perhaps... they weren't so different after all. There was a hunger in him, too, that sought out answers. Perhaps they weren't the same as hers... but she could appreciate the need to seek out the wrong-doing, to have some sort of equal balance.

But she could never be a Ranger. Their intense need for justice was not a driving will of her own; what went unsaid was the utter lack of care she felt about the many injustices of the galaxy unless they affected her care of her patients, or herself. It was a selfish outlook, but it kept her alive all these years. And that was important.

"Start over?" she echoed, frowning.

And just for a few beats... a true emotion flared to life.

Sorrow.

Her shoulders drooped, her eyes lowering to her hands as they settled on her thighs. Softly, her teeth pressed into her bottom lip, and she almost seemed pained. "There's so much I could have done differently..." her voice came out thickly, fists balling. "So many people to not meet... so many things I could have avoided." Her voice was low, throaty, intense in its' stark, open honesty. But she gazed up once more, the pain melting from her features, her hands loosening. A soft, shaky breath parted past her lips, as she smoothed a hand over her trousers, regarding him. "It's a nice thought, isn't it."

She exhaled again, propping her elbows on her knees. The pain was fading to a dull ache now, every bruise throbbing, every little cut or wound just another tally to the backdrop for now. "What do you want from me?" she finally asked quietly, glancing towards him. Time to find out even if he knew why they were so drawn. It wasn't chance, after all.

No. In this galaxy, there was no such thing as a chance encounter.

@TerranSteel

 

[Corran Velt]

By now, Corran hadn't expected any obvious displays of expression from Ilana Morata. A little smirk here or cocked eyebrow there was the most common extent of her thoughts besides what was said. However, one emotion he expected the least appeared plainly in her features - sorrow. He had seen it on the faces of countless victims across the galaxy. As Ilana spoke, Corran tilted his head and tried to make sense of what all was said. The answer to the question was vague but the way the doctor said it was perfectly clear. Ilana had some regrets, or something like them, that were too numerous to succinctly express. Corran grimaced in sympathy, unsure of what to say.

The Ranger was still thoughtfully processing all that Ilana had said with so few words when her direct question startled him. He blinked a few times to return to the moment and found the woman leaning over at him. "I... uh..." The young man stumbled. The question felt about as loaded as photon torpedo launcher. What was noticeable was that the man didn't shrink from the question; more like he was chewing over what was best said. Corran didn't know how to even describe their relationship. He had intervened in her life as a Ranger, interrogated her as a skeptic, and kissed her as a wishful boy. They had been talking for what felt like hours on top of that. The question was what he wanted from her. The young man felt a clarity dawn on him as he looked back into the woman's face who caused such conflicting emotions in him.

"I don't want anything from you. This..." Corran gestured his hand between the two, "...isn't a zero sum game, to me." He withdrew one leg from the base of the bed and rested an arm on the knee. "What I hope is that you would want to share some time again with me. On your own volition. That's all." Their relationship was still so unknown, but felt so... bound. The Ranger wasn't sure, even with their combined efforts, if they could uncover what their meeting meant in one evening. If it meant anything at all. What he hoped to convey in his simple reply was that their initial meeting may have been chance, but a future one would be chosen. That it wouldn't be a deal, a favor, or a threat that brought them back together. Just two people wanting to meet once more, both in equal agreement.

@Killa Ree

 

[Dr Ilana Morata]

He wanted to see her again?

This definitely surprised her, and the emotion flared to life abruptly in her gaze, yet just as quickly died out, hidden. Most could only handle her around for a few minutes at a time, and yet he wanted to see her. What happened was a brief window of time, something that could have happened a myriad of ways. She hadn't anticipated anyone wanting to know of her life, and yet now there was someone in the galaxy that knew pieces of it already.

And the same here, for she felt he rarely, if ever, spoke as plainly as he did with some of his fellow Rangers. She knew nothing of law enforcement, but perhaps there were some perks with being the law in a lawless galaxy. She just knew such a strict-ruled existence would not be something she'd engage in willingly... but even a mob doctor could appreciate it.

She paused, seeming to consider his words... then nodded once. "I think... that sounds like a plan," she agreed quietly. Though the onset of their encounter was mostly prompted by curiosity and the thought that having someone friendly in law enforcement was a good idea, now... it was different. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but it was different somehow, the dynamic changed.

"Is there ever a time you wanted more out of life?" she asked quietly, fingers lacing together once more.

@TerranSteel

 

[Corran Velt]

He didn't even need to ask a question and she accepted it.

Well, at least considering it. 'Sounds like a plan' wasn't exactly a exuberant 'yes', but it wasn't a total 'no' either. When it came to Dr. Morata, that was good enough. Corran didn't think it would soon or even on Corellia, but sometime, somewhere, Ilana might agree to see him again. Her as a doctor and he not as a Sector Ranger. Two individuals that meet just to see each other beyond the expectations of the galaxy. The young man wondered if such a vacuum was truly possible. He distantly examined her purple bruise along the jaw that seemed to accent Ilana's pale features. For her, he would certainly try.

More out of life. It was as simple to answer as it was complex. What man at his age didn't want more out of life? Corran was just getting started. What exactly that 'more' was is where the question got complex - and possibly truly impossible to answer. "Sure. I want the big things - a nice home, a family, peace of mind," Corran tapped an index finger on his knee, "But... the time doesn't feel right yet. I have felt... ambitious lately." That was the right word. Maybe arrogant too. "Being an officer on the beat has its perks, but you can't change much. It's like using a spray bottle on a fire. Might put out the little tinder fires, but the inferno just keeps raging."

The Ranger grew silent, but his expression betrayed the desire to say more. He just didn't know how to say it. The young man shifted as he sat, as if moving a bit would jar his memory into providing the best diction for the scenario. Corran gave up and spoke bluntly, "I don't want to be a grunt forever. I want to do more to help people... and myself."

The admission caused a pang of guilt in his chest. Was it wrong to want to rise the ranks? Or rather... immoral to want power? There wasn't a clean answer to that. That's what made this all uncomfortable. In the matters of personal ethics and the unspoken social boundaries between people, there was no rule book. Just the code one made. Why someone did what they did. That got Corran thinking.

"What about you? Are you satisfied with your lot in life?" The way the young man asked it seemed sincere. As if asking if she was happy with what she did, even if the Ranger only barely understood the whole depth of her world - professional or otherwise.

@Killa Ree

 

[Dr Ilana Morata]

She absently nodded along to his words. In many ways, she agreed with his sentiments. He seemed like he genuinely wanted the galaxy to be a better place, which was a noble, if somewhat unattainable valiance on his part. For her own opinion, she felt no such keen desire for justice on such a large scale, but could... sympathize, in a way, the want to improve the lot of others. But at his statement of his wanting to improve not just for others' sake, she flicked her gaze back up to him, staring for just a moment before talking.

"There's no shame in wanting to improve yourself, as well," she spoke quietly, her gaze level, almost... sympathetic. "After all, how can you help others without the slightest ambition of wanting to help yourself? Only a fool would desire nothing for themselves while wanting to serve and protect the galaxy... and you've struck me as many things, but a fool you are not."

Was she satisfied... a month ago, she would have answered 'yes' without pause to that question. But now... so much had changed. Her horizons had changed, expanded in ways she hadn't anticipated. She opened her mouth to reply, then paused, brows furrowing slightly. For once, there was no easy, smooth answer, nothing that could be replied away simply enough.

So the truth wasn't as easy to handle.

But after a minute of silence, she finally spoke. "I... never wanted any of that, before." Her gaze rose to meet his. Slowly, she leaned back, sighing, glancing to him every now and then to gauge his reaction. "I never planned beyond the next step, the next block... but now..." Her eyes lowered to a space between them, frowned in focus. "I wouldn't... mind it," she spoke quietly, then closed her eyes. "I.. want kids, one day," she finally answered starkly in a low whisper, swallowing. "As for the rest of it... I haven't met a single person who wanted that of me in return. So I've never bothered wishing for it."

These were things she had never admitted before; she didn't want to look at him and see, worst yet, pity. She couldn't explain it, but something of children, of the helpless, touched something in her. Some of her clients had no qualms to cruelty against children or the helpless, and she found them the most vile of all her underground clientele. But she had no idea how Corran would take this bit of news, she still found it hard to admit herself. And he was young; he had all the freedom in the galaxy.

But the older she got, the less freedom Ilana felt she ever truly had. It was an illusion... tempting, alluring, but an illusion nonetheless.

@TerranSteel

 

[Corran Velt]

That might have been the first compliment she had ever given him. Many had considered his youthful dash to be foolish, or just that his actions were, and Corran was not part of the educated elite. He had a certain street-smarts type intellect at best and wisdom was something to be obtained if he lived long enough. Still, if Ilana thought him better than a fool, that was something to remember. It was more telling that the doctor expressed a certain respect for selfish motives. Maybe she didn't believe in any real ideology and felt the only true motives anyone had were self-centered. Corran nodded as she spoke. It did make some sense; to help others you need not sacrifice yourself.

Then there was quiet. Ilana seemed to start, stop herself, and attempt again. The young man was just as interested in her hesitation as the answer itself. What could see be tussling with?

As she leaned back while answering the question, Corran leaned forward. As if focused curiosity were a taut thread between them. With each passing word, the young man got the feeling this was something new for the both of them. A discovery from the depths of Ilana’s heart. It had an intimate feeling to him, more even than the kiss from earlier. The Ranger felt compelled to take it all in, hanging on her every word. When Ilana had spoken her peace, he didn’t feel pity. It was more like astonishment. Both what was shared and that, somehow, she felt unworthy or unwanted. From Corran's point of view, that might have been in an entirely different reality it was so far from the truth. Silence settled into the air again, as if it needed to absorb the heartfelt honesty before anyone spoke again, lest it be lost.

"I think... you'd make a great mother," the young man finally said. His voice was hushed and genuine. "I am in disbelief that no one in this galaxy would want to share that kind of future with you. You're educated, you're a doctor," Corran was counting out her virtues on his fingers now, "You're... you're beautiful. An unparalleled communicator. Easy to talk to. And..." His voice trailed off into the void. Corran's eyes slowly sank from their impassioned stare into her golden gaze. His vision now seemed to linger at something invisible between the two. "...I mean, you could be a terrible cook. That's a deal-breaker for some people." He chuckled, attempting to give the joke a little levity. Corran prayed it would be enough for her to ignore his open-ended sentence. Finally, the Ranger shrugged lightly, "Who wouldn't want their best shot with you?"

@Killa Ree

 

[Dr Ilana Morata]

She slowly sat back up when he began ticking off virtues, head lowering. Once more hair slipped free from behind her shoulders, and her expression seemed... pensive. "I am selective of my company," she stated plainly, staring at him with something akin to disbelief. He seemed to be inclined to see the best of her, despite her coldness and occasional sarcasm, and it puzzled the Doctor thoroughly. Her lips twitched at the joke, but absently she considered it... then shook her head internally. If something like that were to happen, she highly doubted she would make good maternal material, despite her extensive knowledge of their care. And what few people dared to get close to her, wound up dead sooner or later.

That was another thing that didn't work in her favor. "And...?" she perked a brow at his own open-ended sentence. It prompted her curiosity what the young man picked up on their brief rendezvous... though perhaps she ought to leave soon, she already felt as though she were intruding on his time, and there was always that feeling that those thugs were no doubt keeping an eye out on the pair.

She would have loathed putting the Ranger in the path of danger that was meant for her. Even though, to a degree, he was involved, she was reluctant to let him have his share of that. He was already working on other people's justice and protection, she supposed she could handle her own.

@TerranSteel

 

[Corran Velt]

Of course. She was selective of her company. There were plenty of ways someone in Corran’s immediate position could have taken that phrase. Here he was, in her company, and had been for much of the day, but he still felt bashful about getting a bit ahead of himself in sharing the things he admired about her. It seemed a little juvenile, in retrospect. The young man visibly withdrew himself a bit, pulling his legs closer to him. Worse yet, the doctor hadn’t mercifully let his unfinished sentence vanish into the ether. Maybe it was a bit overly-optimistic to try and brush something under the rug from an observant doctor.

"And... um..." Corran repeated, his eyes looking at the drab carpet on the floor to his left. The young man's thumb anxiously rubbed against the inside of his index and middle finger; a nervous habit revealing itself. A soft inhale and lips parting gave hope for a reply, but the mouth shut again quickly. Finally, the Ranger raised his gaze to look into the hypnotizing eyes of the woman in his temporary room. They remained for a brief moment, trying to anticipate a reaction. With a blink, the sky-blue eyes looked over Ilana's shoulder to the window, "And... it's starting to get late." Corran's voice sounded relieved and defeated.

Outside, the sun was beginning to set. Hues of orange and yellow filtered through the blinds. They illuminated Ilana's amber eyes in a way artificial light couldn't. Matters more practical than artistic needed to be taken care of, fortunately. Unless the doctor was planning on staying the night, Corran needed to get her a transport to the nearest hospital. Pushing off one knee, the young man rose to his feet and stretched a bit. He grabbed his jacket off the bed and slid it on, one arm at a time, and straightened it out with a tug at the base. The uniform was back on and the badge over the heart. The young man extended an open hand, "May I help you up, Doctor Morata?"

@Killa Ree

 

[Dr Ilana Morata]

Once again, the Ranger slipped over the man, and she allowed a slightly wider smile to touch her lips. Slightly awkward, shy, unsure, confident, strong... so many conflictions, such dynamic in a brief span of time. When she took his hand and rose up, she swayed slightly to her feet, and gritted her teeth, a hiss of pain slipping between them. Steadying herself with a hand on his shoulder, she glanced up into blue eyes.

Perhaps one last chance to set the man from the badge, before the dreaded bloody transport. Her gaze traveled over his face, then she leaned forward subtly. If her actions went uninterrupted, her lips would gently meet his, hand still braced on his shoulder. She would then part slightly, leaving barely an inch between them.

When she would speak again, her voice was hushed. "Thank you, Corran," she murmured throatily, releasing him. "Until next time."
She bent down to grasp her bag, defiantly clamping down any noise of protest from moving. She wouldn't push him just yet; perhaps if she were not as injured, things would have progressed differently, but there would be a next time.

Perhaps sooner rather than later.

@TerranSteel

 

[Corran Velt]

The blue glow from the datapad reflected back on the Ranger's face as he sat at the small, two-seated table in the empty apartment. He had been working on his Incident Report for many hours, not long after Ilana had left. Even this late into the night, Corran couldn't shake the last moments with the doctor. Her entrancing golden eyes. The soft touch on his shoulder. A returned kiss. The young man leaned back in his chair and rubbed his tired face with both hands before setting them back down on the table. If his own kiss had gone unreciprocated, he could have written the whole thing off as mixed signals. That denial wouldn't have covered the sincere and profound conversation.

The Incident Report sat unfinished on the datapad. Urging his own mind to focus, Corran leaned over the tablet and looked at where he left off. Coming across victim being assaulted by two males. Victim, in conjunction with Ranger, stunned two suspects. Physical descriptions of the two suspects. The report then detailed injuries of the victim but ended there. More happened after the alleyway. The tavern. Refusal to seek medical help. Taking care of victim to temporary residence. But something was stopping the Ranger from adding those details. For any other encounter, with any other person, he wouldn't be stalled like this. Corran was sure of it. Incident Reports and files were important to combating crime and maintaining lawful order just as well as a planetary police officer on patrol.

The blond, young man glanced up to the required section of the report. Submitting name of the Ranger and badge number. Date of incident. Type of incident. Victim Name read Dr. Ilana Morata. Corran tapped one index finger on the table as he thought. His brow furrowed as one rumination stuck. Rangers had as much responsibility protecting citizens as they did dispensing justice. What would Ilana want?

A few taps echoed in the apartment. The description ended with victim sought medical care after incident. The Victim Name tag now read JANE DOE. Corran's finger hovered over SUBMIT. A moment of silence passed. A finger pressed down on the screen and the report status registered as complete.

@Killa Ree

/END THREAD