She just sat there, taking it all in. Relief, followed by shock. Then anger, jealousy, remorse, fear. But the thing that made her lift her head up from her hands was feeling affection, and her eyes were wide in surprise. Even despite his stoic expression, he cared. Amber eyes met those of blue, features still bleak with emotion. What followed on its' heels was regret, so at least she had a little bit of time to brace in time for the question.
At his tone, her eyes dropped, hands falling palm-down to the table. For just a brief moment, she chewed on her bottom lip, uncertain of what to say precisely. He was afraid to know the answer; and well he should. She could lie, or tell a half-truth, but she just didn't see the value in it. After a few more beats, and she exhaled slowly, glancing up to his face.
"Not by choice," she finally admitted quietly, white brows denting with a faint, sorrowful half-smile. "If I had a way to live without it... I'd take it in a heartbeat. It's a curse. Do you think me any less for it?" She shook her head slightly, gaze lowering.
"Forget it. I'm too much of a risk for you, I can see it already," she rasped quietly. "Being my reference would be a great risk for you... and I don't want to risk you, or force you into a position you're not comfortable with." She spoke this with surprising gentleness, hesitating slightly before continuing. "You're good... far better than the many I've met in my lifetime. I.. would hate to make your life, professional or otherwise... a misery." She gazed up at him calmly, resigned. "So... it's alright if you reject my offer, based on the evidence of my past. But my offer still stands, if not affiliated directly with the Rangers... but to do what I can to help."
Even though she didn't feel like she could swallow anything, or even taste any more of the food before them, she forced herself to take a sip of caf, to do something while she waited out his silence and judgement.
@TerranSteel
At his tone, her eyes dropped, hands falling palm-down to the table. For just a brief moment, she chewed on her bottom lip, uncertain of what to say precisely. He was afraid to know the answer; and well he should. She could lie, or tell a half-truth, but she just didn't see the value in it. After a few more beats, and she exhaled slowly, glancing up to his face.
"Not by choice," she finally admitted quietly, white brows denting with a faint, sorrowful half-smile. "If I had a way to live without it... I'd take it in a heartbeat. It's a curse. Do you think me any less for it?" She shook her head slightly, gaze lowering.
"Forget it. I'm too much of a risk for you, I can see it already," she rasped quietly. "Being my reference would be a great risk for you... and I don't want to risk you, or force you into a position you're not comfortable with." She spoke this with surprising gentleness, hesitating slightly before continuing. "You're good... far better than the many I've met in my lifetime. I.. would hate to make your life, professional or otherwise... a misery." She gazed up at him calmly, resigned. "So... it's alright if you reject my offer, based on the evidence of my past. But my offer still stands, if not affiliated directly with the Rangers... but to do what I can to help."
Even though she didn't feel like she could swallow anything, or even taste any more of the food before them, she forced herself to take a sip of caf, to do something while she waited out his silence and judgement.
@TerranSteel