Ask Yavin IV Trial of the Flesh

[Zathria]

How pessimistic of you, she said. Defeatism among the Jedi was infuriatingly common and she often found herself frustrated by it.

With a defeatist attitude like that it’s almost assured, she snapped a little more harshly than she had intended before stopping herself and take a sharp breath in.

I apologize. That was unworthy, she said. She reached up and scratched the side of her nose as she started walking the halls of the temple again.

Not being attached to a single place is good, she agreed. It may not always be there, and the thought was a bit painful not because of the location itself but because of the people. Being a Jedi alone would be hard. She would do it, but she knew she would be weaker for it. Being surrounded by others from time to time and drawing in their strength was indispensable.

They made it into the mess hall moments later and the droid who worked as a server greeted Crix with excitement.

Master Aran! It’s been a couple of days since I’ve seen you. I hope all is well!

Zathria watched and wondered if Crix had fixed the droid up at some point. Crix Aran, droidfriend indeed.

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

Crix barked out a laugh at Zathria’s admonishment of his attitude toward the Temple of Yavin and the way he had come to accept that people he knew there were going to die. He shook his head a little bit before deciding he would give her a little bit of an insight as to why he was having trouble shaking that exact attitude.

“Didn’t always think that way, of course.” He told her as he tried to ignore the fact that his right hand was beginning to shake again in a way it hadn’t for months, “But I saw something in one of the Zeffo temples I visited you know… a vision of the future and when I close my eyes I can still see it. Still feel how easy it would be for it all to happen.”

The exact nature of the vision… he wasn’t comfortable sharing. The ‘villain’ of that vision was someone who had not done anything worthy of the title in reality and to give her the incomplete story with the name would just colour her perception of them. Crix had known Hannibal long enough to know that he was not, currently, in any danger of becoming that spectre he had seen in his vision.

Killed in his vision too.

“I know it’s not a helpful outlook don’t worry.” He waved off her apology, “It ain’t like I want it either but it’s sticking around until I can process the visions properly I think. Harder than I thought it would be, honestly.”

He had never been prone to visions at any point of his training after all so it was kind of the first one he had to try and break through… and he had elected to do it without the assistance of his Master considering he had been the antagonist in the vision. He grinned upon seeing the serving droid within the mess hall.

“Hey hey Bay-Bay-Jay!” he greeted the droid enthusiastically, giving the droid a fist bump that the droid tentatively returned, “How’s the processor hanging in there? Still giving you problems with the cooling or have we finally cracked it?”

Unit BBJ-9 had been having issues with his processor overheating for months before Crix decided he was going to fix the droid. That said droid could explode while serving his fellow Jedi food was more than enough of an initial reason for his Master to sign off on the use of funds to help repair the droid.

Not that Crix had waited for permission before starting the repairs of course.

“Zathria, you know BBJ-9, right?” he asked the Knight before nodding to the server droid, “All’s good Bay-bay-jay don’t you worry – you got any of those Dantooine tubers we’ve been getting in recently?”

Mashed tubers was sooooo good.

@Phoenix

 

[Zathria]

Zathria was lost in thought about what Crix had said when BBJ began his greetings. Zathria didn't dislike droids, but they had never been her close friends or confidants.

We've bumped into one another before, she replied. The droid did serve food in the mess regularly, after all.

Good to see you again, she said with a nod. What's on the menu today? she asked.

Ah yes, your tubers indeed! Also a roasted ronto wraps or friend nerf! the droid exclaimed.

Zathria took the fried nerf and tubers and the ronto wrap and moved over to take a seat. After all, it'd been quite some time since her last meal.

She started eating almost immediately, but what Crix had said still bothered her. Maybe part of the reason was because she didn't really know what to say about it. Visions were absolutely not her specialty. She'd not had any apart from her Trial of the Spirit, and she didn't particularly want any.

I don't claim any expertise on visions, but I don't think you can treat them as... even remotely... definitive, she said. She wasn't even used to the terminology that one might use to discuss them.

Don't put too much stock in what "might" be, she said, deciding that might be the better way of stating it. @Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

Tubers were awesome.

Anyone who said otherwise had clearly never tried them mashed, roasted or even steamed. Though he would admit that steamed tubers were mainly good for the weight loss style things. He wasn't a big fan of them since they didn't manage to retain a lot of flavor that way. Happily accepting the mashed tubers from the serving droid, he gave the droid in question a jaunty little wave before moving over to sit down across from Zathria.

Now that the trial was over, he was beginning to release the control he had exerted over his own bodily functions and he was suddenly hungry. Worse it wasn't like just suddenly realizing he was hungry either, it was a definitive flip of the switch so to speak from being content, if not fulfilled, to suddenly being hungry enough to eat a whole wampa.

But he was with company and Zathria acted enough like a mom that he just got the impression that if he ate like a pig, she would stab him with a fork. Probably the same if he ate with his elbows on the table now that he thought about it for longer than five minutes.

"I think it only lingers because it could happen so easily." he admitted, "It... it's not like I'm thinking about it all the time or thinking that it's a certainty, you know?"

He enjoyed some tubers before speaking only once he had swallowed again.

"It's more like it has given me a greater idea about how fragile this all is, seeing how it could, potentially, go."

@Phoenix

 

[Zathria]

Zathria was absolutely inhaling her food. It was quite clear that the hunger had hit her quite hard, and she had no qualms with simply eating everything that had hit her plate. At least she did it without eating like a slob.

Everything in the galaxy is precarious, she agreed. The Jedi and Sith destroyed each other time and again and then they re-sprouted later. It would likely continue on, but hopefully not in Zathria's lifetime. It was perhaps a grim outlook, but all they had was their own time.

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us, she said. Time would tick on and they would fight. They would heal and they would protect the galaxy and its people.

Be wary, but don't let yourself become too caught up in it. If you do then you may rob yourself of opportunity based on a "what if" or "maybe," she said. But she had probably harped on it enough. She couldn't force him into thinking a certain way and she hoped he would take the time to meditate on what he said as he continued to think of the visions he had seen.

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

The future was a fluid and flexible thing, he knew, but he would keep what he saw in mind anyway. So long as he didn’t let his fear of said future rule him, he was happy to proceed down the path of the Jedi. It wasn’t what he wanted to define himself and his career as a Jedi by after all – being known as a person, a Jedi, who fixed things was much closer to his goal.

"Speaking of the future..." he joked a little bit with a chuckle before pointing to Zathria with a fork, "When are you and I going to go on a mission together eh?"

And he wasn't just saying it because she was hot in a "Your Best Friend's Older Sister" kind of way but he wouldn't lie and say that it wasn't a factor. But he had rather enjoyed being with her during his trial, even though he hadn't been able to actually see her for most of it. Perhaps it was because of the fact that he couldn't see her, actually? Being able to sense her through the Force and nothing else had given him a rather different impression of her than he otherwise might have gotten.

Plus he was itching to get off of Yavin IV and actually do something. The number of missions he went on as a padawan were naturally rather low and he didn't want to rely on his passing of the trials for his next mission.

"Do you have a preferred type of mission you end up doing?" he asked, raising what would be an eyebrow for someone who had hair, "Something Shadowy? Something Brighter?"

@Phoenix

 

[Zathria]

When were they going to go on a mission together? She liked him well enough to certainly not hate the idea of going out with him... on a mission, that was. Yes, she meant on a mission.

As soon as you pass your trials, she said, pointing at him with her own fork. So a couple of weeks? she said with a smirk. She had faith that he would be doing just fine in his other trials. She'd gotten enough of a sense of who he was and how he worked over the last several days to understand at least a piece of him.

A little of everything, she said with a shrug. She saw herself as a Jedi Knight not a Jedi Shadow, Guardian, Consular, Sentinel, or anything else. She supposed Healer would have probably been the most apt, but she went wherever the Force and the Order sent her.

I'm a healer first and foremost, she said. It was where her passion lay more than anything else. But healing is needed everywhere, and nowhere more than on the battlefield and in enemy territory, she said. She was capable of taking care of herself, and so she did much of her work where the most violence was taking place.

So what's it been like training under the Shadowmaster? she asked. Despite his desire to work with technology and droids, she wondered if he would find himself pulled into the world of shadows as soon as his training was done. Or even before that.

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

When he passed his trials eh? Well Crix had already decided that he wanted to be a Knight and he was already both determined and half convinced he could do it but he was going to have to make sure he passed his trials now. Of course he immediately spotted it as a chance to do something he enjoyed very much; to flirt.

“If I have to pass my trials so spend more time with you, consider them passed.” He assured her with a cheeky little grin, “You’ve given me all the motivation I need, Zathria!”

Of course they both knew he already had the motivation but a little bit of flirting never hurt anyone, right? Part of him wanted to see what it looked like when Zathria blushed but he pushed that part away for now, knowing that she was a bit too professional for these joking flirts to get that kind of reaction from her.

In the future? Well the future was fluid so who could say?

A healer capable and willing to engage in combat missions was somewhat rare in Crix’s own experience. Some would say that the nature of being a healer meant that there was an element of “doing no harm” but he’d met enough medics to know that some of them believed in preventative medicine. And what was cutting down a Sith trying to harm innocents if not preventative medicine in this Galaxy?

“A combat medic, right?” he grinned a little bit, “That reminds me of something… I might be able to get you an assistant if you’re interested. You don’t mind working with droids, right?”

There was an entire production line of combat medic droids that needed a guiding hand, not least because of that specific type of droid’s proclivity for gaining PTSD-like droid symptoms. As for learning under Hans?

“If I ever had an expectation as to what being a Jedi would be like – Hans wrecked it quick.” He admitted with a small laugh, “He doesn’t really tend to like me using titles and I don’t tend to think of him like that, you know? Weird, I get it, but he’s done enough for me that I think he’s closer to family than just a teacher.”

The shadow stuff?

“I have… learned some Shadow craft.” He admitted with a small shrug and a mild frown, “Honestly I’m alright at it, I think, but on some level… I don’t like it, if that makes sense? I’m not naïve or nothing but some of the missions they can do? I don’t know if I could do them and still claim I’ve got some kinda moral high ground just cus I’m a Jedi, you know?”

It was useful, it was practical but it was often not entirely honourable or even wholly good like the majority of Jedi work. Maybe that was what they needed to survive the current war they found themselves in? Maybe it was.

@Phoenix

 

[Zathria]

Zathria didn't actually say anything in response to the flirting mostly because she had no idea what to say. She wasn't going to flirt with a Padawan, that wasn't really appropriate. He very nearly got the blushing that he wanted, but she managed to maintain her composure.

Still, she knew he would be a Knight soon. Very soon. But not yet.

She nodded as he asserted she was a combat medic. It was probably pretty close to an accurate description. She fought, she healed, she did it often on a battlefield. An assistant? A droid assistant? Zathria didn't dislike droids like some people did, but she'd never developed a camaraderie with them. Unlike Crix, without them being living beings she'd always kind of... neglected them. Perhaps that was a fault of hers, but she wasn't convinced of that.

Maybe? she said, quirking an eyebrow curiously. In fact, the proposition brought back to the surface a thought she'd had before. The possibility of creating a "Mercy Ship" that could travel to zones afflicted by war, suffering, poverty, and more to provide help and healing. Perhaps an assistant would fit well if she ever got that off the ground.

She smiled as she spoke of Hans. She didn't know Councilor Grayza well, but she could absolutely imagine why Crix said what he did.

As he turned to talking of the shadows, she was silent for a moment. She wasn't sure she had what it took to be a true shadow either. She worked closely with them at times and respected them, but the lines they drew - or didn't draw - were often a point of conflict for her.

I know what you mean. You don't have to be a shadow to help the galaxy. Or even to fight the Sith, she said.

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

A maybe wasn’t a no but it wasn’t a yes either – consent, even for a droid companion, was Queen after all – so he just mulled it over to himself a little bit. He wouldn’t mind having a medical droid to help him when he got injured (when and not if considering his line of work) so if he went ahead and got one of the combat medic droids and she didn’t want them?

Well then he could help the droid along instead.

Either way, the depressed little droid would get an organic they didn’t need to watch die! Apparently that was something that weighed rather heavily on that specific type of droid. Little robotic cuties needed some headpats or something.

The Shadows were effective, you only needed to look at Sullust to see the truth of that without a doubt. But Zathria had a point that they weren’t the only part of the Jedi that the Galaxy actually needed.

“I’m sure I’ll end up lending a hand on some Shadow missions in the future.” He admitted, “With my friends and Hans being who they are, couldn’t say no, you know?”

He smiled softly.

“But yeah think I might stick to trying to fix the Galaxy rather than burning down the terrible parts of it so it can regrow later. Which…” he tilted his head to the side slightly, cheeks reddening ever so slightly, “Sounds really preachy now that I’ve said that aloud. Wow… wow I’m glad I’ve never said that to Hans or Sev or anyone Shadow related, you know?”

@Phoenix

 

[Zathria]

Zathria actually laughed as he started talking about how he felt like he was being preachy and was glad he hadn't said that around his other mentors.

It's okay, your secret's safe, she reassured him. It wasn't wrong. The Order was many things to many people. Shadows were an important part, but they weren't for everyone.

She finished up her tubers in silence and gave more thought to their conversation. She gave thought to what he had said earlier. His statements about droids and the offer he had made to her. She let it mull over in her mind for several moments before speaking up again.

Why droids? she asked after a moment. They don't... resonate with the Force, she said. Though the Force did technically connect inanimate objects, droids weren't... alive. They didn't join the Force after "death." It wasn't asked in a way to be judgmental or rude, but a genuine question. She didn't understand and she wondered if it was her own mistake to do so.

 

[Crix Aran]

He was trying to not end up as one of those Jedi that the rest of the Galaxy seemed intent on hating - the ones who tried to preach. Crix was sure that the Jedi had the right of it and that the Sith were a way that led only to ruin and destruction in both the short and the long term. He was certain that people would come to see that either before it got too bad or when it was too late but they would see it.

No need to preach about how much better you were when your enemy was always, inevitably, going to show that they were awful. Better to spend more time actually doing good rather than just say how terrible the enemy was.

"I'll trust you on that." he agreed with a grin, "Be gentle with my trust there senpai."

Hans was rubbing off on him.

Honestly, he wasn't even sure where he'd learned the word but it had stuck around so he wasn't going to just stop using it. Instead he focused on what she had actually asked him. Why was he drawn to the droids? Why did he invest so much time and effort into them and feel so comfortable around them?

So why?

Even before he learned he had the Force, he cared about droids.

"Why not?" he asked seriously back without a hint of a real smile, "Yeah... why not? That was what I thought back when I was a kid and I still think it now. Why not treat them with respect like they were any sentient being? Having no connection to the Force... I don't think that means they're not alive."

He gave her a small smile.

"Minority opinion, I get it. People don't like thinking about them as living or being sentient because then they gotta look at themselves - look at how they've been treating them for millions of years. People would rather say they weren't alive, that there was no such thing as a sentient droid and I think that's gotta end. So I'll do what I can to help that along. So... droid mechanic is just another brand of healer in my book."

@Phoenix

 

[Zathria]

Zathria looked shocked when he called her senpai and she shook her head.

Don't call me that, she said deadpan. It was somewhere between a joke and the truth. It just felt... wrong. Much prefer the standard Jedi "Master" than... that.

She listened as he explained about droids. It was an interesting opinion and one that, he was correct, was certainly in the minority. She couldn't come out and say that she agreed with it, but she could see why he held to that view.

She thought for several moments, taking a sip of her Muja juice as she did so.

I'm not sure I can agree that a droid's life is worth as much as a being connected to the Force... she began thoughtfully, ...but maybe you're right that they shouldn't be treated... she frowned, trying to think of the right word ...as poorly as they sometimes are, she finished.

I guess it comes down to what we feel gives a life its value, she said. This was getting into the deeply philosophical area.

Like an animal, they shouldn't be mistreated and should be valued, but... she shrugged. I don't know. Don't take this to mean that I don't think you should follow your passion of helping and fixing droids, she said. Her goal wasn't to discourage him or shut him down, and she hoped he would understand that. She also wagered this wasn't the first time he had had this conversation either.

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

Crix had to admit that he laughed aloud when she told him not to call her senpai. It might not fit in with the rest of their conversation but he found her bemused rejection of it quite entertaining. Shaking his head even as he laughed, he held up his hands in surrender so Zathria would know he wasn't going to use the name again.

He might do in the future but he wasn't going to make it a regular thing - if she reacted like this every time he might need to keep it in reserve for when he needed a good laugh again.

She didn't agree with his beliefs about droids and that was both entirely expected and perfectly fine. Crix knew he was always going to be in the minority about it and he tried not to let it bother him at all. Still he didn't just leave it there.

"A connection to the Force is important, I'll grant you that. But if a droid can think, feel and experience emotions then what is it if not alive?" he countered, shrugging ever so slightly, "If we accept, for a moment, that droids can achieve sentience... then we have all been complicit in the systematic enslavement and abuse of an entire race."

He let out a breath.

"Memory wipes, for example, are like death. Think of it; someone doesn't like your personality so they strap you into a chair and scrub it clean out of your head and replace it with obedience. And they'll do it again and again every-time you grow and change into something they don't like."

@Phoenix

 

[Zathria]

She frowned as he mentioned that the droids were capable of thought, feeling, and emotion. She wasn't convinced that was the case. They were programming. They were lines of code. But then, there were people who could argue that was what humans, echani, and zabrak were as well: neurotransmitters released at the proper time and in the proper proportions.

If they achieve what you say, then perhaps, she said. She doubted she was going to change his mind, and she... was unconvinced. But it was something worth meditating on. And she would do that. And whether she came all the way around to his point of view, at least she might keep in mind some of what he said.

I suppose it's something to give thought to, she said honestly. She finished the remainder of her food and stood to clear her plate.

Where are you off to after this? she asked. More training or another trial? After a night of rest, I imagine, she said.

@Nefieslab

 

[Crix Aran]

He wasn't going to change her mind today even if her mind could actually be changed. Crix wasn't too bothered by that either - he had learned a long time ago that people would disagree with him but that was alright. Hells, he'd learned that before he joined the Jedi and the teachings he got with them just kind of reinforced that belief that everyone was entitled to their own opinions.

All he could do was give his own reasoning and accept it if they didn't agree. So he just grinned a little bit and slid his now-empty plate to one side. The tubers had been nice as all hell but he was now looking forward to hitting his bunk and sleeping for a few days. Unlikely to happen given his schedule but still, he could dream!

Literally and figuratively.

"Off on a mission to guide some monks, actually." he admitted with a grin, "Word is that it's part of my Trial of Insight so, doubt that's going to be as simple as it sounds. Then again..."

He made an exaggerated face.

"... Escort Missions. Blech."

@Phoenix

 

[Zathria]

Zathria actually laughed when he brought up escort missions. She understood that all too well. It was one thing to care medically for someone. It was another thing to defend people on a battlefield, but having to actually get people from point A to point B, especially when they were uncooperative.

Lucky you. Have fun with that, she said. You'll do great. Did you want any other advice? Obviously I don't know what your Trials will be, she said with a shrug.

But I'm a resource if you need general advice, she said.

She paused and frowned. What kind of monks? she asked curiously.

@Nefieslab