Ask Coruscant Trauma Team

[Maxims Tionson]

Coruscant hadn't changed in the last few weeks since he'd last been but still, Max found himself short on patience for the place. Yavin was a good place to recover in some ways but there were things that didn't change. No matter how many Empires, Republics or Alliances formed over the many years, Coruscant remained the centre in so many ways. It didn't need to be the capital to be the place that drew attention no matter the era and sometimes that was for the detriment of it's locals; and sometimes it was a good thing.

One of those things was technology.

If someone made something and wanted to get eyes on it? They sent it to Coruscant. Max came to Coruscant to discuss treatment and replacement plans with some of the healers there, the ones with the access to fancy tech that the healers on Yavin didn't know about yet. His arm was still within the glass cage as it had been since his arrival at Yavin.

He really, really, disliked it.

But the options that were being floated around were equally as distasteful to him. They wanted him cut off the two parts of his arm that remained and replace the whole thing with a robotic replacement. Some of the models even had fake skin that would match his skin perfectly - with the nerves connected it would be like he never lost it.

Except that was kind of the point; he HAD lost it and he didn't want to avoid that fact. If anything, Max wanted to be reminded of it every time he looked down at his own hand. Sitting on the stairs of the hospital, Max slipped a cigarette into the corner of his mouth and held it there with his lips before lighting it with a brief application of Force Fire from the tip of his left thumb.

He nearly burned part of his beard off... he was not adjusting well to being left-handed.

@Killa Ree

 

[Vera Coulter]

If Vee had known exactly what state Max had gotten himself into since the last time they met in this place, she would have braced herself better. She would have said nicer things, perhaps, or been more sympathetic. But as it was... she was there for physical therapy.

She was limping down the steps. The stump still burned and throbbed where it connected to cybernetic limb, and her gait wasn't as even as she would have liked it to be. Still, she refused painkillers even as she walked. So when she saw the back of Cip's head, she began to move faster--

And then she saw the arm.

She almost stumbled and missed a step, blue eyes wide as she stared at... at... whatever the hell remained of the limb, clearly visible. Immediately, he would sense vibrant flashes of it; concern, anger, worry, then fury, all bright flashpoints flaring to life at once as she clenched her jaw, exhaling sharply.

Slowly, she limped closer to him, sitting on the concrete slab step with little grace, two coffee cups in her hands.

"You look like shit," she replied in a quiet rasp, eyeing the man with light blue eyes. There was something off about him, something distant; she covered over the awkwardness with a sip of caf.

More feelings lingered in the back of her throat, and they ached to come out, but she would wait. Some karkin' 'check-up' her ass, he was sitting here looking like a kicked Kath hound and she felt tongue-tied, unsure how to address him. She heard about Sullust and Ajan Kloss through Ranger channels, but had no idea how to address that yet... instead, she opened her mouth as though to say something...

Then sighed, offering him his cup.

"Wanna talk about it?"

@Nefieslab

 

[Maxims Tionson]

Smoking with his left hand was an odd experience but he knew he would get used to it. Doing things with his left hand was quickly becoming the new version of normal for him. It wasn't like he couldn't jury-rig something to the 'cast' on his right forearm that would accomplish the same thing but it was a principle thing. He didn't want to get used to having the damned thing on.

He was taking his first drag when he sensed her - finding that he was quickly becoming accustomed to people reacting with fear, worry and some level of disgust. It spoke to the severity of his injuries that even Vera wasn't immune to the reaction that was becoming so damned familiar all too quickly.

Turning his head to look at her from his remaining eye, he hummed a little bit and turned back to the view as he took another pull from the cigarette. He gave her a small hum of acknowledgment because, well, she was right. Even without taking his arm into consideration, his ribs were still massively bandaged and covered in burn salves he couldn't even name at this point.

And sleep had been a pipe dream for awhile now.

He eyed the coffee she was handing him and, for a second or two, considered being an arse and just looking at her as he held his cigarette to ask her how she expected him to hold it... but he didn't. Instead he held his cigarette in his mouth and took the cup before setting it down on the stairs beside himself.

He took another drag.

"Sullust." he told her, not looking away from the view, "You wanted to ask so I figured I'd get it out the way - a Dark Council Member and the Eternal themselves. And yeah..."

Max tried his best to give her a smirk but it was tired and shallow.

"It hurts when I laugh."

@Killa Ree

 

[Vera Coulter]

For about two seconds, she entertained the idea of swatting him lightly upside the head for trying to be a smartass even when he was hurt. She couldn't deny the squeeze of anxiety in her chest just looking at him so tired, so... defeated. This wasn't the Ciprioni she knew back in the old days. Hell, not even the Cip she knew just a short time ago. She sighed... then went with her gut.

She leaned in and awkwardly kissed him.

It was awkward in the way that he was taller than her, slouched over and reeking of cigarette smoke. Awkward for his cast arm, for the coffee that threatened to slip from her hands, the angle. It was light, quick, a mere brush of the lips and totally instinctual, and when she pulled away, she stared him right into his good eye and eyepatch, respectively.

"Then I won't crack any jokes," she replied, deadpan. However...

There was the faintest twitch to her lips at even saying it... but after that, she cleared her throat and shuffled slightly, wincing at the twinge of pain in the stump of her right leg. There already was a joke in the back of her mind, but it was kinda dark and a bit too soon, so instead she picked up her coffeecup again and took a sip.

"I'm gonna kick that crusty masked asshole myself with my fake leg," she muttered, then sighed. Pulled out a pack of gum, and set a piece of it down on top of his cup for him, unwrapped, as she took one for herself. "And stop smoking or my kid's gonna think I relapsed into some shitty brand of cigaras. Have caf instead." She knew she ought to say something wise or kind, but... she was gearing up to it. She wasn't a friggin' Jedi master.

@Nefieslab

 

[Maxims Tionson]

Max was tapping his cigarette to remove some of the excess ash when Vera leaned in and kissed him. It was surprising for a number of reasons but the first that came to mind was that Vera had never been the kind of person he'd assumed would be interested in some PDA. Before he could reassess what he thought he knew about her, he spotted her expression and knew how awkward it had been for her.

Which meant she'd done it for him.

The corner of his mouth twitched upward without any conscious effort on his part and he stubbed out his cigarette before tossing it away. He couldn't help the chuckle as he focused on her rather than the view he'd been taking in.

"Been trying to get that promise from you for years - you telling me all it took was getting my arm put in a blender?" he joked before eyeing his arm in it's bacta-cast and sighing ever so slightly, "Yeah so not worth it."

Her jokes weren't that bad after all.

He accepted the gum, knowing it would give his coffee a minty-fresh kind of taste but not caring all that much. Sipping at the coffee, Max relapsed into just staring at the view for a few moments as Vera talked about the Eternal and her kid.

"They keep saying I need to cut the arm off entirely at the elbow, Vee." he admitted with a grimace, squeezing his coffee cup a little too hard, causing a drip to roll down from the lip, "Want me to replace it wholesale with tech."

Max tutted.

"Someone even made comment about getting a new eye... karking hells Vee, they're acting like replacements make it like it never happened."

@Killa Ree

 

[Vera Coulter]

A while ago, she would have agreed with the sentiment of no cybernetics; but sitting here now, still not retired and getting closer day by day to fifty, she had to acknowledge some time ago she was no longer the cop she wanted to be. She was washed up, burning out and losing the will to wake up every morning to face another day of work from home, another day of dealing with the work whispers and the shifting eyes. But when she kissed him, the lack of response was like a punch in the gut. So... she had to fix it somehow, right?

So she did the best she could.

Max helped her pull herself together. Sure, she was still broken, but she was learning how to pull back together. He looked so lost, that for a moment, she just stared at him. Stared at the face of the man that she trusted beyond reasonable doubt, the one space wizard she thought wasn't too bad.

"You want to keep it like that," she gestured to the cast, then sighing, running a hand over her face for a moment. "Isn't that a little selfish, Max?" she asked, not popping the gum in her mouth just yet. Instead she set the coffee cup down, fiddling with the wrapper between her fingers. "...wounds like that. They never go away," she spoke up quietly, no longer looking up at him but down at her feet. One just different enough; she was told her brain wouldn't differentiate. But it did. Every karkin' day, she woke up screaming in pain because of phantom cramps so strong that it left tears streaming down her face, only abating with conscious effort to move. Every now and then the stump flared into something that made her knuckles and face turn white. But she would grit her teeth and bear it.

"It ain't replacing what you've lost," she finally spoke up, still not looking up. Her words came out haltingly, brows furrowed as she stared at the wrapper in her fingers. "It ain't an improvement either. It's... coping. Knowing that shit happens, and you've lost something. Aren't you space monks always preaching about letting go?"

She unwrapped the gum, then sighed, setting her head on his shoulder. Before, he had shown her tough love, and compassion, she was trying hard to be the same pillar for him now. "It's alright to feel that way. Just don't... hold on for too long and get it infected or anything. I... like having you around. You've always been the best of us, Cip. I.... ah hell."

She dragged a hand over her face, grimacing once more. "I'm not cut out for soft shit. You know where I'm getting at?"

@Nefieslab

 

[Maxims Tionson]

Did he want to keep it like that? No, of course he didn't want to keep it as it was. Right now it was two pieces of extremely ugly looking bacon dangling from the end of his elbow, so karked up beyond all recognition that even if he just stuck both pieces together it still wouldn't actually resemble his arm from before Sullust. Instead of replying straight away, he just sighed and took another drink of his coffee for a moment.

Mulled over his thoughts before speaking them.

"I don't want to throw away the rest of it just because it failed me - just because I failed." he admitted at length, "Replacing things wholesale? Without even attempting to fit what is still there? I don't agree with it. I've got nothing against Cybernetics themselves just... some of the attitudes surrounding them."

He listened as she tried her best to speak to him emotionally, to connect to him. As a Jedi he could feel what she was trying to do from her emotions alone. The fact that she was, as she said, quite terrible at wording it didn't matter to him so much as that she'd actually tried to say it.

Max smiled at her softly.

"Hey, I think you did alright." he told her with a chuckle, "Well I know that I'm supposed to be able to let go and I understand that. But... well... there's going to be changes within the Order soon. Replacements."

He finished off his coffee before setting it down to the side slightly.

"And part of me wonders if I'm not unlike my arm - if the Order would not be better served by someone younger, stronger... new and shiny I suppose would be the term." he admitted at length, "Because when a friend needed me to Hold the Line? When I had the chance to strike down an Enemy who had killed one of the people I loved? I held back. In a life and death battle, I held back from killing."

The true reason he was so reluctant and delaying further treatment? A convoluted mess of thoughts and fears both from Sullust and from long before. He doubted it made for easy listening for someone who cared about him.

@Killa Ree

 

[Vera Coulter]

She let him talk it out, simply listening for the time being. Her head was still resting on his shoulder. She would let him vent it out, mulling over his words as he did. She could sort of understand the allegory he was using, but by the Force was it typical for a Jedi to use a shredded arm as poetic justification.

When she spoke up again she spoke hesitantly, the words just sort of filtering through as she spoke them. No time to really think them over.

"It's not a replacement," she replied quietly, shifting to glance up at his face. "It can feel like it sometimes though. Like parts of you are.. useless. But a wise guy once told me we gotta stick around, teach those young pups how it's done. It ain't a replacement, but a way forward. Somethin' you need, if you're gonna take the next step." She colored, then cleared her throat, scowling a little out of reflex.

"It ain't the end of your road yet, Cip. They need you. You got your ass kicked because you stuck to your personal values; that ain't so bad. Revenge, killing the enemy... it won't give ya any answers you wanna hear." She exhaled, brows dented together. "I thought I failed, doin' the same thing; it took some kid to kill the enemy, an' it felt like I failed."

She clenched her jaw, then sighed. "Same wise guy talked me outta that thinkin', though." She couldn't help it; Tion slipped through her words, old habit. "You're still here. That's not failure to me. I'd rather have you here... learnin' to use what you got. Even if you gotta add a few new things."

She popped the gum in her mouth, then leaned back, glancing up at him. "Sometimes, you do things you don't want to. Face things you thought you could overcome, and it didn't work out. Doesn't mean it won't later; we're old, but we ain't dead yet." She smirked at him, giving the man a wink.

"And you're still pretty cute to me, Cip. Bum arm and all."

@Nefieslab

 

[Maxims Tionson]

She didn't remove her head from his shoulder and he appreciate the silent proximity more than she probably knew. Or maybe she knew exactly how much he needed it and that was why she was doing it? He didn't try to read her emotions to try and understand it, just enjoying the gesture in the moment instead of trying to investigate it. It was a comfort that let him rest his eye and lean slightly into her.

Max hadn't leaned on anyone since he had become a Jedi Knight; emotionally he had always tried to keep himself strong and well on his own. He was a rock to some people he knew so he let his own emotional health take a backseat some of the time... all of the time really. It had been a long time since he had allowed himself to truly just take a second to let someone else shoulder some of the aches he carried deep in his bones.

He listened even as he just rested against her in silence, mulling over what she was saying. Max could see some of his own words, his own arguments, being turned back on him by Vee and it made him smirk ever so slightly. But more than that it made him think, about what he had said and what she had added to his own thoughts from before Sullust.

Did he believe those arguments when he had originally made them to Vera? Yes.

The real question was if he believed those arguments now, after Sullust and after he had been confronted with his own shortcomings. Did he still hold to those arguments, those beliefs?

Yes.

"Well if I'm still cute... silver, black or flesh colored?" he joked back, opening his eye to look back down at his right arm in it's cast, "Not about to become a hypocrite, Vee. You know me better than that. I guess I'm just..."

He searched for the right word before deciding on one that was close enough.

"Tired." he settled on quietly, "This is the first time I've felt like I can just... sit... just be for a while. And it took failing to do it. I'm not used to being inside my own head this much; makes me realize that I haven't been taking all that great care of myself."

@Killa Ree

 

[Vera Coulter]

There wasn't much more she could do, really, apart from sit and listen. A soft huff of a laugh parted from her lips at his question, rolling her eyes slightly. "You could have racing stripes on it, it'd still be cute," she joked back, but it felt rusty, unused as she was to teasing someone else. "Not being a hypocrite. Situations change. You've been through hell... you're allowed to change."

She listened as he continued on, then sighed quietly, shifting to look up at him, blue eyes steady. "That's what we do, Cip. We take the back seat, because the young pups need us. But I had a lot of time thinkin'..." she flushed, shifting uncomfortably as the stump twinged in protest to the movement on the hard steps. "Can't do it. You're gonna fall apart otherwise... and it's okay to be strong. But it's alright to also doubt, to feel weak every now and then. Kick your own ass before pickup again." She worked her jaw over, thinking her words and running a free hand through her hair.

"Hell, it's okay to feel like kriff. To be tired. But when you're done with getting help..." she lightly rested her hand over his cast. "Rest with me. No shenanigans. Just us, noodles, and beer."

@Nefieslab

 

[Maxims Tionson]

Ha... the funny thing about the racing stripes comment was that they both had known people from their past who would have done it. Max himself had never been that dumb, thankfully, but it still got a cheap little chuckle out of him anyway. Shaking his head a little bit, Max stayed smiling.

"Changing huh..."

Nothing was static.

The Force told him that because he always knew when things were changing because of how everything was connected through the Force. He knew that entire planets were constantly changing, ever in flux. He chuckled a little bit and leaned back against the stairs, just looking out at the planet before them.

"I don't really know how to rest." he admitted, "I've been working so long and so hard that I think I might have forgotten what it means to truly be at rest."

He smiled a little bit wider.

"But I reckon I can give it a try."

@Killa Ree