Ask Growing Pains

[Altair Din]

Things were only just now starting to settle down since the drama of Clove going into labor and him having a daughter. The little girl was perfect, and Altair adored her to bits. A few months had passed before the tiefling finally came up for air juggling sleepless nights and helping with the baby as much as a father could. He had run into his family quite a few times during that time, though his little sister reminded him about Kasim and his absence.

It was always easier to let his young brother stew in his own rage than to talk to him. These days Altair had little patience for angsty, teen moodiness. However, family meant you were there for someone when they were going through hell. After simmering on it longer, Altair moved past his own irritation and sought Kasim out at last. What kind of older brother was he if he couldn't be the bigger person?

The younger tiefling was elusive and difficult to find, choosing to wander in the outskirts of the palace grounds and in the main towns. Altair finally managed to sneak away and find an old, abandoned dojo where Kasim was rumored to sometimes practice.

After a bit of wandering, Altair finally spotted him, standing at the doorway with his arms crossed, “Hey,” He said quietly. It was the first time he addressed him one on one in a very long time, and a pang of guilt shot through his chest.

@SlagathorTheUnknown

 

[Kasim Din]

Kasim had told Lalia that he'd never go back to the palace, and in the weeks following he'd been true to his word. Instead, Kasim had set about finding transportation off the planet which, thanks to his brothers' sphere of influence, had to be off the record as well. Off the record meant more expensive, which meant taking odd jobs and putting every spare credit away for his passage. Kasim didn't exactly trust the Toydarian not to try and exhort him further when he finally did get the money, but that was partially why the Tiefling had decided to take up residence in one of his old haunts- an abandoned dojo he hoped wasn't known to his older siblings. His independence and his very future, he told himself, hinged on being away from his family... even if he found himself missing them at times.

Today, Kasim was anxious to be on his way. He'd scarped and saved and counted and recounted the credits he'd managed to squirrel away- missing meals and foregoing creature comforts- until he was satisfied that he did indeed have enough to leave Eiattu and never come back. He was halfway across the dojo, a backpack with his few possessions slung over one shoulder and a long, thin bundle covered in a cloth tucked under one arm when he stopped suddenly. The unmistakable silhouette of Altair awaited him in the doorway- one last obstacle in his path.

Kasim chewed his lip, noting the patches of light streaming in from the broken windows which alternated with the shadows stretching across the floor. A word from his brother banished all thoughts of taking a different route; he'd been spotted, and so he took a single step forward, not caring that he'd stepped into shadow as he did so. There was no challenge in his tone, just a simple question.

"What do you want?"

@Sreeya

 

[Altair Din]

There were countless ways to go about this. Just a few months ago, Altair would have snapped at him and told him to cut his emotional bullshit. He would tell Kasim he was a grown man and to start acting like it. He would tell him Ma, Pa, Emir and Layla all still relied on him. However, none of those things came to mind right then.

Altair didn’t have the demeanor of a King or Grand Marshall or any other lofty title he picked up along the way. Today he was just Tai - Kasim’s older brother. That’s all he wanted to be right then. The tiefling sighed and gazed where he could only see his brother’s silhouette.

“I ain’t gonna get in your way if you wanna leave,” He said calmly, “But I’d rather you do so after we get the chance to talk things out. Will you tell me what’s up?”

Altair could guess, and he expected Kasim to lash out or completely shut down. In any case, he wouldn’t press him. Even if this went nowhere, he could at least rest easy that he made an attempt to fix things.

@SlagathorTheUnknown

 

[Kasim Din]

Kasim had expected a speech, or a lecture, or even a beating, should they ever stand face to face again. Then again, he reminded himself, any of those could still occur. He'd expected Tai to show up in the days following their argument at the palace- not months afterward, even factoring in a new baby. The shadows covered the scowl on Kasim's face as he listened to his brother speak- implying that what had happened was Kasim's fault. Typical.

Altair had always been above consequences, even in a family as formidable as the Dins. That he'd risen to prominence in the Empire only further insulated him from criticism... which likely meant that "Tai" was only here to absolve himself of any guilt he might feel; not to come to any sort of understanding. As was usual, Altair held all the cards; he was older, more experienced, there were no witnesses and thus no accountability, and Altair was even offering Kasim the illusion of choice in whatever story he would tell himself later about why Kasim had chosen to leave.

"You're right" he replied. "I'm leavin'." Hollow words with Altair blocking the door, but that wasn't the point. "I could be livin' a life of luxury with you and the family in the palace, bein' an uncle and whatnot, but I'm leavin'." The intensity of his stare would be swallowed up by the shadows as he stood his ground in the darkness, refusing to answer his brother's question and instead responding with one of his own. "Why do you think that is?"

@Sreeya

 

[Altair Din]

“I thought I knew, but I don’t think I do anymore,” Altair said. He actually did step aside, so if Kasim wanted to walk past him he could, “I thought it was ‘cause I snapped at you for showin’ up on Korriban. Truth is I was scared you were gonna die. I felt like a shitty big brother allowing you to come into danger at all.”

“Then at the palace, I thought it was because you were pissed I ain’t trynna marry a girl I don’t love,” He admitted flatly, meeting his gaze, “I will never, ever marry a girl I don’t love. No matter what Ma and Pa say. And I ain’t been to see you because I was there to be a dad and make sure Clove had the support she needed, and honestly that’s the most important job I got right now.”

He exhaled, “So I don’t know why you don’t even wanna try fixin’ things. I think you made up your mind you just wanna hate me, and if so, then there’s nothin’ else to say. Just know I love ya, and I hope you take care o’ yourself. I got the family covered so you won’t be stuck at home anymore. I came here to finally do less talking and more listening...but it's clear I'm too late."

Altair sighed and shook his head. He wasn’t good at this. He was willing to talk things through, but he wouldn’t grovel like Kasim apparently wanted. Apologies could only come up if he wasn’t detested right out the gate. Altair practically saw disgust on his brother’s face and he knew there was little he could do.

“I spent many years stewing on hate and lettin’ it fuel me. It’s the Sith way,” He said, “Just know it never gets better if you stay on the path. It eats you from the inside and tears you up."

@SlagathorTheUnknown

 

[Kasim Din]

Kasim ground his teeth in frustration as his older brother jumped to conclusions like a Boga on Utapau. He didn't begrudge Altair his guesses as to why Kasim wanted to leave- that had been what he'd asked- but the accusations that Kasim was unwilling to fix things came out of left field. Even more hurtful was the growing sense that Altair had already made up his mind about things... about him.

"You seem to think that jus' because I'm leavin' means I hate you" Kasim said, fighting to keep his emotions under control, "when that's just you puttin' words in my mouth. I haven't said nothin' t' that effect. I asked you a question!" The orange Tiefling growled and shook his head in frustration. "You say that you want t' listen more, an' yet here you are tryin' to end the conversation without even lettin' me talk!" Kasim stepped forward, crossing into a patch of light this time that revealed his ragged, tired frame; the past months had not been kind to him, but a fiery intensity burned in his eyes.

Kasim's anger was stoked, now- the same story of his life playing out once again here in an abandoned dojo on Eiattu. "You're right that I hate. I hate that you try an' hold me back from doin' the same things you did; the same things that got you where you are now. I hate that there's no winnin' an argument with you. I hate that you can't admit that you're wrong sometimes. I hate that you try t' control my life and the lives of everyone around you!"

"I hate all those things" Kasim said, his voice softening as his anger was gradually spent. "But I don't hate you. I've just come t' realize that if I'm gonna be who I want to be, that I need t' do it without you an' the others lookin' over my shoulder all the time and tellin' me what I can and can't do. I ain't ever gonna grow like that."

@Sreeya

 

[Altair Din]

Altair stayed silent during the tirade. Truthfully, he hadn’t seen things through that perspective. It hadn’t even occurred to him that his brother could have been trying to emulate him. The reality check was so shocking that his amethyst eyes widened in surprise. There was no anger, only shock and silence. The tiefling’s tail swished back and forth as he tried to weigh what to say.

“Kas…I ain’t done a single thing right since I left home..” He said very quietly, his voice low and his tone genuine, “I pushed all my friends away, I screwed things up with the girl I loved so bad that she thought it was easier to fake her death than to be with me, I got put into a role I wasn’t ready for, I got blindsided by being a dad and now I probably ain’t ever gonna find something like Ma and Pa have…Kas, I’m probably the biggest screw up I know,” He said as he looked directly at his brother, “I don’t want you to end up like me. You ain’t messed everythin’ up and it’s like…it’s like you want me to sit back and watch you get into a speeder wreck, make the same mistakes I did, end up down a screwed up path like Lid and ‘Bari.”

Altair laughed bitterly, “I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat, Kas. You ain’t completely fucked up, you haven’t made mistakes that’ll stick with you for life, you ain’t a shell of the person you used to be,” He sighed, “But you ain’t a kid either. So I’ll respect whatever you wanna do. I’ll always be your big brother no matter where you go from here. You do have to make your own mistakes, but you’ll always have your family behind you. You’ll always have me. Just let me know how I can help."

@SlagathorTheUnknown

 

[Kasim Din]

Now it was Kasim's turn to listen, and as he did so he reflected how few of these kinds of conversations he'd had with his older brother throughout the years. For all their disagreements and headbutting, they'd hardly ever strayed deeper than whatever surface issue they were arguing about. Hearing Altair lament his path since leaving Bandomeer surprised Kasim, even as he wasn't quite ready to give up on the idea of Altair being successful.

"You're also the Huttball champion- twice- an' you're probably the second most powerful person in the galaxy behind Emryc Thorne" Kasim replied, although suddenly those achievements somehow paled in comparison to the struggles that Altair listed. "An' besides, you don't want to be in my place either." Kasim studied the floor; showing weakness in the Din family wasn't often done. "Yeah... let's jus' leave it at that." How could he explain that he had no plan for what he was going to do next? No money, no destination, and soon, no family; despite what Altair was promising, Kasim knew that sooner or later he would walk out that door and away from what remained of his support network. All he had was the shell of a long-dead dream that he was still holding onto.

A thought unrelated to their conversation distracted him, aided by Altair's presence. He'd once thought about delving into the strange and powerful pulse he'd felt through the Force, but lacked the resources to investigate it further. Altair, however, had the resources of the Empire at his disposal, so Kasim risked a topic change. "Uh, random question. Do you know anything about the pulse that Lalia felt a while back? She was askin' me about it" he said.

@Sreeya

 

[Altair Din]

Altair chuckled at his brother, “You realize Huttball is more about luck than skill, right?” He quipped, revealing a closely guarded secret, “Sometimes my options were these stupid ranged weapons, and you know I can’t aim worth shit,” He laughed quietly at the thought. Some of their other brothers had tried to get the family into shooting, but most of them had no talent in it whatsoever.

His smile faded when Kasim asked about the pulse. Altair sighed, walking over to sit down on the steps of the dojo. There was room for Kasim to sit next to him if he chose. Laila had asked him the same question and he didn’t lie to her, and he certainly wouldn’t lie to Kasim, “I think…” He paused, “I think it’s this entity that used to be known as Darth Raze,” Altair explained, turning to look at Kasim, “He was the former Dark Lord of the Sith. I only met him once..” He grimaced at the memory, recalling the unsettling chilling feeling, “He was gone for many years and I think he’s back. It’s..it’s nothin’ good.”

He paused for a moment, “Why do you ask?”

@SlagathorTheUnknown

 

[Kasim Din]

Kasim couldn't suppress a slight eye roll as his brother claimed luck over skill. Luck might win you one Huttball match. It took skill and a certain unmatchable intensity to win two- both things that Altair had in spades. All the same, Kasim reflected, this was definitely a different side to his older brother; the Altair he'd remembered hadn't been one to play down his own accomplishments. So while he declined to join his older brother on the steps, Kasim did step closer, into another long shadow.

Altair's honesty regarding the pulse- inasmuch as Kasim could tell- was also welcome. A slight weight lifted from Kasim's inner discontent as he recognized that his older brother could've easily dismissed the question and left Kasim in the dark, both figuratively and literally. Instead, he'd volunteered information that only a handful of people in the galaxy likely knew. The name Raze, although not known well to Kasim, still sent a chill through the younger Tiefling. Raze was the be-all, end-all, practically untouchable; a void where others' lives and legacies were snuffed out. Few had seen the Sith face-to-face and lived, and none had ever bested him... or it?... in combat. Kasim doubted that anyone ever would. He'd heard rumors of Raze soloing an entire Jedi temple, and if that didn't speak to how invincible the entity was then Kasim didn't know what did.

Kasim shook his head as Altair asked him a question, as if to banish the fears that he felt in the moment. If Raze ever decided to take revenge on the Empire for what they'd done to the Sith, he and his entire family would be annihilated. And although Kasim was in many ways frustrated with his family, he didn't wish them- or himself- that fate.

"Like I said, Lals mentioned it" Kasim said, repeating the half-truth. Lalia had asked him about it, and hopefully that was enough to mask Kasim's own interest in the pulse. His prior interest, that was. Learning that it had to do with Raze had killed any of Kasim's desire to answer the signal and delve deeper into its mysteries. "Don't tell me she's goin' after it?" he said, fear for his younger sister suddenly coursing through him.

@Sreeya

Spoiler: OOC Note

Sorry for the delay, I'd refreshed this page all week and it didn't show your post until tonight for some reason