Ask Blackened Fingertips

[Maxims Tionson]

Max had taken some time away from the Order.

It hadn't even been a week yet but he felt it needed to be phrased in exactly that way because he had taken himself out of the Order's circle when he was a Jedi Master. By definition he was supposed to be someone who could be relied upon but the Knights, Padawans and everyone else. He was supposed to be a pillar that they could count on and he had taken stepped away from them. True enough, he had done so to physically and emotionally heal from a battle that had drained him and left him questioning every part of his life... but the fact remained.

He had taken some time away from the Order.

So he had asked for a meeting with Oren as soon as he had arrived back, waiting for him in one of the side rooms off from the Council Chambers. Well, what passed for Council Chambers on Yavin at least. He hadn't really spent a lot of time on the forest moon before his trip to Sullust so he was still familiarizing himself with the place.

His right hand twitched and he winced ever so slightly as the ever-present pain rain through his re-attached nerves throughout his right forearm. No longer in a cast, Max had taken the chance to get better and part of that involved his new additions. Rather than replacing the whole forearm, he had managed to convince the healers to instead merely replace what was missing and reattach the flesh to the new metal and wires.

Apparently the tips of his biological digits (thumb, pointer and pinky fingers) being black was something that was expected but would go away with time. Right now it made him look slightly sinister, especially when he had opted for his mechanical parts to be a non-reflective black as well.

@TWD26

 

[Oren Zapan]

Oren sat along one of the balconies that over looked the council chambers. With it came the view of an expansive jungle that made Ajan Kloss pale in comparison. The air felt strange here, and the sounds as well. Insects chirped and buzzed, and the sound of mighty beasts could be heard off in the distance, there was much life here, much that would keep the Order balanced.

Oren would allow the life to seep through him, feeling the strength of the force ripple across the planet as a current. Through it, the force channeled a sense of calmness that provided a clear mind. Things weren't perfect in the Order, Oren himself had made plenty of mistakes, but things were changing, they needed to.

So much of this had stemmed from the Guardians and Sullust, many faces had been there to see the Eternal in flesh, Max was one of them. The damage he had sustained would have killed many Jedi or caused them to fall, this much Oren knew. His old friend had been through something, mentally and physically. It was no surprise that Oren would feel his presence lingering within the chambers.

"Come, sit old friend." Oren would say quietly, as his mechanical hand clenched against his knee as he sat in a criss cross formation. "Have you found the peace you required?"

tag: @Nefieslab

 

[Maxims Tionson]

Oren bade him to sit and Max smiled a little bit at his old friend before nodding and moving to do so. If he hadn't have known Oren for quite so long he might have refused, might have chosen to stand, but he thought better of it. Seeing his friend's mechanical arm made him smile a little bit.

Funny how he never stopped to consider how many of his friends had similar issues to himself, physically, these days. Oren and Max probably looked closer to brothers given their eye issues, facial scarring and, now, hands that weren't alive. Or not fully alive in Max's case at least.

"If anyone sits across from you and tells you that they have found true peace?" he smiled ever so slightly and tilted his head to the side slightly, "I suggest you make them an appointment with a therapist. What I have obtained is a measure of peace and a... a certainty of my resolve to do better in striving for that peace."

He twitched his right hand, showing off the weird mixture of flesh and metal to his friend.

"Got over some hang ups. My hand and forearm, of course, and a few challenges to some of my core beliefs." he leaned back ever so slightly, "My new eye shall be arriving tomorrow morning as well. What I mean to say, Oren is..."

Max bowed his head slightly.

"I have served; I will be of service. When would you like me to begin again?"

@TWD26

 

[Oren Zapan]

Oren turned to meet his old friend with a simple smile. Scars or damage, these mattered not to the Jedi, the force inside of him still registered with that light, even if it had flickered and bruised. But, the Jedi Master would spare Max on the lecture on luminous beings and physical realities, they both had already known those answers.

No, the real challenge in the physical reality was accepting the emotional responses that came with being alive. It was nearly impossible to reject them, and to claim you fully could would mean that you had achieved death itself. As far as Oren was concerned the two of them were still breathing, and that meant they had more pain to endure. But, there was always a limit -- and perhaps Max was starting to find his own, as he himself had nearly found years ago.

"It depends on how you define the term true peace," Oren would say quietly, "Acceptance of the physical limitations of reality, an acceptance of our emotions, the damage we feel deep inside, the burdens we all carry. True peace comes with accepting that we feel it, and that is okay to feel those emotions, but that we do not let them control us and twist us."

Oren would shift his focus to his friend's face, "These issues you face, they come from the unresolved trauma of Nashyr's death, doesn't it?" Oren would take a heavy breath as he thought back to her cat like eyes, "It is a pain that we will always feel, the galaxy was not the same when she left, but I feel her presence from time to time, I see her in you and all of those she had come to know."

The Jedi Master would lean back in his seat as he looked to the sea of green that stretched across the horizon, "These replacements are merely replacements to your body, but there is no replacement for the soul. If you wish to serve the Order you must address the pain you feel, and the guilt associated with it, or you will face the same issues and temptations once more, only then will you be ready to serve again."

tag: @Nefieslab

 

[Maxims Tionson]

Oren had always been that strange, almost cautious, mixture of the Jedi Master who was understanding and the Jedi Master who would lecture people on how to be better, in Max's experience. It was not, in any way, a bad thing however. He found it to be refreshing, as though he was being given a lecture not by some stern authority figure but by a friend who cared for his well-being and for his future betterment.

It was good to see such a mixture on the Council.

"I have come to realize that everyone must find their own version of true peace." he admitted with a small smile, "And I do believe mine is the peace that comes from never stopping; from never accepting that I cannot be a better Jedi, a better teacher or a better man. Self-improvement as a path to a life at peace even in a time of war."

It fit him well and a part of him was honestly surprised he had not seen it sooner within himself but self-reflection was a difficult skill to master or even use well. Some people never got the hang of it at all because it involved being so brutally honest with yourself about yourself. Especially the parts you didn't like the look of.

Nash...

"Some of them." he admitted without losing his small smile, though it did dim slightly, "And some of them from accepting the changes to my physical form. Learning to accept myself again, all the flaws and regrets, took a little bit of time but I believe I have done well in that regard."

He nodded to Oren.

"I wasn't ready when the discussion was held originally." he freely admitted, "But I am ready now and I have notions on how to do that."

@TWD26