Ask Aftermath

[Ronan Carduel]

Ronan pulled back a little, leaning back in his chair. Hailee was still partly in his lap. He pulled back and looked at her. "Where should we go?" he asked softly. He didn't know if they were totally good yet; there was likely still stuff that needed to be sorted out between them. He still could not get over his surprise that Hailee had come back into his arms first.

@LadyRen

 

[Hailee Lightwood]

She thought that maybe she didn't even have to understand herself right now. They had survived the battlefield, maybe that was a good start and they now had time to figure out the rest. However, she swallowed hard, still fighting with both her emotions and her immensely loud thoughts. She pulled herself back, regaining a rather straight position while she looked at the Holomap. "I have literally no idea. Neutral space, preferably, anything else would be stupid but I have no idea", she admitted, her heart heavy with guilt. Also, she wanted to postpone their unpleasant talk, even though they had to talk any time soon.

@Reylo4evr

 

[Ronan Carduel]

An idea occurred to Ronan. He knew of some obscure planet in the Outer Rim. He set the coordinates and leaned back again. Hailee made no move to get off his lap and he did not complain. "We'll go to the Outer Rim, and hide there," he replied, looking at Hailee again. He could feel her guilt and nervousness and knew he felt the same.

"You saw it," he continued. He knew Hailee would know what he was talking about. Serenno.

@LadyRen

 

[Hailee Lightwood]

While the guilt seemed to boil up even worse, it soon threatened to swallow her. She shifted her gaze to the viewport while observing the colors that swirled around them due to their hyperspace flight. When he mentioned he had an idea, she raised and eyebrow and eyed him curiously before asking "Where exactly?". Once he went on, he suddenly started something that made her stomach hurt immensely and she could feel her throat growing dry. "I...did. Just tell me one thing. Why did you do it?", she asked directly, however not bearing to look at him while she was waiting for a clarification.

 

[Ronan Carduel]

Part of Ronan wanted to know how she had been able to see him, and how he had been able to see her, but the more guilty part knew he had to explain himself. Good thing was, he had an explanation. The only thing in question was whether Hailee would care. He stared her dead in the eye. "Because of you," he started. "You were in my head and I couldn't get you out even after you left me. I needed a distraction," he finished. He wasn't trying to excuse his actions, just giving an explanation.

@LadyRen

 

[Hailee Lightwood]

When he began to speak, she looked at him again, trying to ignore the immense pain that look was causing her. He sounded honest. Dead serious even. She contemplated whether this was an excuse or an explanation. She couldn't ignore the pain and the fact that he had acted regardless of how much pain this would cause her. But on the other hand, neither of them had thought that they would ever see each other again...
She had to admit that a part of her could understand it. She herself done a similar thing solely driven by motifs of revenge. She herself was a terrible person, even though she would have never done a similar thing in the past. The truth was, that she had done it because he had changed her, but at the same time she had never felt this strong for anyone in her entire life before. She could feel the anger coming up again, but it was less than before. She could never forget that imagine, but maybe she could forgive him. She couldn't manage to answer with more than a halfhearted understanding nod. This was nothing they could figure out right away. The scar on her heart would need some time to heal. Instead of talking about it, she preferred to change the topic, now that he had at least given her a reason. "You had a planet or a system in mind. Which one is it?", her voice hadn't become icy, but definitely less emotional and warm than before.

@Reylo4evr

 

[Ronan Carduel]

Ronan was silent for a while as he watched his words sink in. At least he had gotten that off his chest. It still seemed as if Hailee was grappling with it. He was tempted to ask her about her little excursion but decided he didn't feel like being petty. "Lwhekk," he replied to her question. "It is one of the furthest planets in the Outer Rim and is completely independent; we'll be safe there," he said, noting the change in her voice.

He turned to her more fully. "What about you? You've stayed busy," he said, almost conversationally. His voice had lost its warmth also.

@LadyRen

 

[Hailee Lightwood]

And now the mood was gone. Where there had been warmth and all the positive emotions there was now a big cold emptiness once again. Great. She wanted to bury her face in her palms and sigh but she tried hard not to show any emotions right now.

So she had an explanation now. But was it helping? Right now not so much. It was a good thing that they were changing the subject as this would help her letting it all sink in for a while. She had never heard of the planet before, but as long as it was far off, they would be safe for now. "That sounds good. How long will it take us to get there?", she asked him still rather cold, but she tried to force some genuine curiosity in her voice.

She couldn't deny that the prospect of being stuck in the ship again and traveling to a foreign planet was indeed making her a little nervous as it was bringing up all the memories of their last journey. However, he pulled her out of her thoughts when he asked her what she had been up to and she wondered whether he was simply curious or trying to find out if anything more happened with that stranger. "I didn't do much to be honest. At first I healed and than I was roaming the galaxy", she explained honestly, but leaving out the part that she had been with Silex.

@Reylo4evr

 

[Ronan Carduel]

Ronan checked the control panel and the data it was giving him. "Five days in hyperspace will get us there and burn out all the fuel I have," he replied dryly.

When her next response came he rolled his eyes. How thick did she think he was? "While I'm glad you healed, you and I both know that's not what I meant," he said, not elaborating on it any further. Fine. She didn't want to tell him? Then this would be a very long, very boring five days.

He stood up and headed for the exit of the cockpit.

@LadyRen

 

[Hailee Lightwood]

So apparently he indeed wanted to know all about her little adventure as well. She immediately rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Five days in this ship and a thousand things to discuss. This could get awkward if they were both to dwell on their stupid mistakes and yet some wounds had to heal first.

When he got up and tried to leave, she sprang to her feet and grabbed him by the wrist, even if it caused her a lot of pain. "Ronan wait...yeah I made a mistake as well. When I saw you, I was stupid enough to think doing something similar would help, but of course it didn't", she admitted honestly while searching for his eyes, maybe even a trace of desperation in her voice. She still felt terrible about it, but maybe it was helpful to explain it right away.

@Reylo4evr

 

[Ronan Carduel]

Ronan stopped when she grabbed his wrist. He looked down at her hand and then followed her arm up to her face. He was silent and he could feel that she felt guilty about it. There was also a little desperation in her tone which made him want to pick up where they had left off and hold her close. He knew he couldn't, no matter how much he wanted to. It never ended well for them. "You should heal yourself," he said softly, some warmth returning to his voice, as much as he could now that the memory of that man's hands on her climbed back to the surface of his mind. He was glad his walls were somewhat up.

He gently tugged out of her grip and left the cockpit, returning to his larger quarters. He didn't look at he crew cabin, where he had spent a month with her.

@LadyRen

 

[Hailee Lightwood]

She studied him and realized that he wasn't pleased either, but at least the first words were spoken between them. Maybe they both needed some space, even though his ship didn't offer much space. However, she let him go at first, telling herself that he needed some time, but less than three seconds after, she started to move. She couldn't bear it any longer than three seconds since it almost felt like this strong magnet was pulling her with him. "Ronan wait-", she started, still not sure what to say next. She had considered his statement and it wawas true. She was still in pain, but she was also realizing something else. Her skin was not only bruised but also bloody and covered with a dusty trace of debris. "Is the shower working? And is there enough warm water? We both...look like we could need a shower", she tried to stay dead serious as the atmosphere was still extremely tense and they were both hurt, but a weak smile still crept on her lips as she remembered that one time she had made him crazy by taking her extra time under the water while he was losing his temper outside.

@Reylo4evr

 

[Ronan Carduel]

When Hailee said his name again, he stopped in the little hallway outside of the cockpit. He couldn't help the memory that rose to the surface of when the ship was cold and the hot water was all they had. He turned to her, a sad smiled on his face. "There is plenty of hot water, take your time," he said, walking once more. He shut himself in his room. He would take a shower when she was done, which he thought might be a while. He didn't care; he could use a nap anyway.

@LadyRen

 

[Hailee Lightwood]

At least they had warm water and apparently enough of it this time. It was a comparatively small piece of comfort but she figured she could use the shower time as a distraction, using it to shut her thoughts off for a moment and relaxe the tense muscles. "Okay", was her only response and she started heading for the shower asap, trying not to dwell too much on all of the memories.

Why did it all have to be so complicated? The mood between them was so weird again. They were both still angry, hurt and they had still kissed each other moments ago, right after they had forsaken their allies on the battlefield. Interestingly enough, they found themselves in the exact same space where it had all started months ago an while many things were different, a lot was the same. There was conflict all around and the shower would only give her a small break to catch her breath and collect her confused thoughts.

When she was inside the bathroom, she let out a huge sigh while locking the door. She had no idea what the hell she was doing or where this was even going. She stripped her clothes down and entered the shower, immediately having the hot water run over her sore, partly still injured skin. The heat helped with the tension in her muscles, but it hurt even worse on the injured skin. She had decided to heal herself after, because she felt way to drained right now anyway. Her shower wasn't that long as standing was too exhausting anyway and so she stepped outside again, dried herself and left for the crew cabins while she was wrapped inside a large towel. She had already come to terms with the fact that she had left without any clothes again and so she was hoping to find something that would do for now. Fortunately, it was not freezingly cold this time...

@Reylo4evr

 

[Ronan Carduel]

Ronan heard the water shut off and counted in his head, giving her time to leave the bathroom and get dressed. When sufficient time had passed, he dragged himself out of bed and walked into the bathroom. It was still steamy from earlier and when he turned the water on it stung the wound on his wrist. He had forgotten about it until now.

When he got out of the shower, he bandaged his wrist and then put on a pair of pants, leaving his torso bare. He walked back down the hall to his room and crawled into bed. His bed had never felt so empty and massive. He curled into a fetal position and fell into a restless sleep.

@LadyRen

 

[Hailee Lightwood]

Hailee headed towards the nearest cabin and realized that it had been the one where they had spent so much time already. She swallowed hard since the memory made her feel extremely uneasy but she forced herself to let herself be confronted with those feelings. They were stuck here for at least five days, so she had to get used to it anyway.

She searched the dressers but didn't find anything perfect, just as expected. Since she only wanted to sleep anyway, she simply grabbed a large t-shirt which she pulled over herself and laid down immediately. Even though it had been months, she could literally smell him. It made her feel even worse now that the bed was all empty and a slight shiver even ran down her spine, reminding her of the cold weeks they had spent here. Hailee was postponing the healing until tomorrow morning, hoping that some good sleep would help her, but she tossed and turned for quite some time until she finally managed to doze off into a dreamers sleep.

@Reylo4evr

 

[Ronan Carduel]

Ronan woke up early the next morning and gathered the rations he had restocked on his ship. He was glad he had, because he was quite hungry.

He had not slept well at all last night and it was likely it showed in the dark circles under his eyes.

It was going to be a very long five days.

@LadyRen

 

[Hailee Lightwood]

Depressing. This adjective fit the atmosphere best. The next morning didn't bring any clarity. Hailee was still extremely confused by her feelings and couldn't get anything straight. Sleeping alone in this ship was weird, but she thought she couldn't have been close to him anyway. The wounds were still deep, but she had spent the morning healing her physical wounds at least. Since it was rather mild in the ship, she had grabbed short pants from one of the drawers before she made her way into the kitchen area. She had passed out from the exhaustion last night and had gotten enough sleep for now.

@Reylo4evr

 

[Ronan Carduel]

Ronan looked up when Hailee walked in. He opened and closed his mouth and then stood up. He fidgeted around with dishes and cabinets if only to give himself something to do. He paused for a minute and turned around, leaning on the counter, facing Hailee.

@LadyRen

 

[Hailee Lightwood]

She was reaching out with the Force to check whether he was already int he kitchen to mentally prepare herself before entering. Of course he was there already. How couldn't it have been any different? She suppressed a sigh, trying her best to force herself into an optimistic state, but it didn't quite work. The mood was still extremely weird and the look he gave her didn't make it any better. "Good morning", she still forced herself to say with a weak smile before coming to an halt in the door frame. She studied him quickly, trying to locate possible further injuries, but she immediately spied the bandages. "Do you need more healing?", she asked him softly.

@Reylo4evr