The Taming of the Shrew

[Brandon Rhea]

*Her words sent a crushing blow through his thoughts. He did feel something, but attachment leads to jealousy. That is the shadow of greed.*

"Loving another leads to attachment, which is a luxury a Jedi cannot afford. You must beware the binding tractor beam of attachment. For a being who is attached to his body, his thoughts, his feelings, beliefs, perceptions, or consciousness is imprisoned and can never know true freedom.

To commit to the way is to give up selfish desires and to live for the benefit of all beings whether they be Gungan, Jedi or Sith.

The joy that arises with bodily pleasure offers fleeting benefits and little sweetness. It is fruit that quickly becomes bitter and over time poisons the one who eats it. The joy that arises with equanimity, that is free from attachment to sensual desires, is sweet and nourishing. Its benefits are profound and ever present. Look carefuly at the object you desire. Is it truly what you believe it to be? What resides in it that does not reside everywhere? What do they hold that cannot be found in every element of the galaxy?

Ambition and desire lead to the Dark Side of the Force. Be wise, Laili. There is no happiness like the happiness of having few desires.

Though, always remember that compassion is central to a Jedi's life. A Jedi who is worthy keeps compassion foremost in his thoughts. His compassion extends to all beings in the galaxy. With an open and loving heart he directs these thoughts for their universal benefit."

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

The tears continued to stream down her face as he said these words. It was like he had taken a dagger and thrust it deep into her breast only to twist it more and make the wound deeper.

"Compassion? You have no compassion except for the precious ideals your Jedi hold."

She lashed out at him with her words just as a wounded animal lashes out at it's rescuer. It knows no better and a smuggler can't understand the ways of the Jedi. All she knew were the way she felt toward him and he was turning her away.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

"You need rest, Laili. You're not well. Please, for your own sake, leave and come back tomorrow..."

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

She didn't question him or say anything else. What she wanted more than anything was to get away from him. Hearing his words of how their one night together on Coruscant meant nothing to him was more than she could possibly bear. Rising to her feet, she turned her back to him and walked out of the room quietly. She felt sick to her stomach after this day of training. Ignoring the other padawans and Jedi in the halls, she went straight for her room that had been set up on Onderon for her. Securing the door and locking it, she leaned against it and closed her eyes as the tears and sobs racked her body and she slid down the door.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

*The next day he was much more calm. He regretted almost everything he had said to Laili and prayed to the Force to take it all back. Though, he knew that would not happen.

It's a funny thing being a Bac. Honor was always a great thing. His great grandfather was a corrupt senator from Alderaan, but when his grandfather Senator Curtis Padric Bac took over his duties he ushered in a new era of ethics reform, which his father Senator Padric Curtis Bac continued.

He signalled Laili to come to the chambers, hoping to make ends meet and apologize.

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

Somberly, Laili left her quarters taking extra care of her appearance. No sleep had come to her the previous night. Though her eyes ached with tiredness, she found no comfort in sleep. Only the words Bac spoke to her the previous day were in her thoughts. Saying nothing and refusing to look him in the eyes, she enters the training room without saying a word. Whatever he asked her to do today, she would do without pushing him. He had made himself very clear the previous day...all she had now was her brother.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

*He watched her enter as the grief of the previous day and the anxiety of the present swelled through him like a waterfall on a cool Naboo day. Watching her sit down, he could not help but wonder if they would be able to amend their non-existant relationship. Sitting down, he looked into her beautiful blue eyes and could only wonder and hope.*

"Laili, I...I'm sorry. If there is one thing a Jedi must always remember it is worthy conduct, and in no way did I conduct myself in a worthy manner. This brings me to my lesson for today."

*He stood up, pacing the room.*

"The path we walk is a difficult one, as is the way of mindfulness. Commit yourself completely. Always remain diligent because the path of practice is narrow and continuously assailed by the energies of the Dark Side. Condisder this: who is better protected, a Jedi with a legion of his fellow Knights at his side or...or..."

*He tried to speak, but the words could no longer come out. All he could think of was how much of a fool he came across as yesterday. He wanted to just blurt out the truth, and it was at that moment that he realized he was.*

"Laili, I was an idiot yesterday. I do not know what came over me. The truth is...the truth is that the night on Coruscant was the greatest night of my life. Never had a felt so...whole. Laili, you complete me. I don't know what I would do without you. Please...accept my apology. I beg you to accept my apology."

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

Her eyes which had avoided his own since coming into the room turned to meet them now. Her lips parted as her eyebrows furrowed as she didn't quite understand.

"The horrible things you said to me I've never had any man say before...why did you tell me you had no feelings for me?"

What he was saying was hard to believe after the way he had treated her. All through the night she replayed the events on Coruscant and the events that happened in her training over and over again. Her heart was wrenched in two and there was nothing but pain inside her. Unable to sleep, eat or do anything, she had secluded herself to her room. Only her desire to see him again and know if he truly meant it brought her out of her room this morn.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

*He moved closer to her, and took her hands into his. Though he was smiling, he was truly more nervous than he ever had been in the past.*

"Because I was too afraid to tell you that I had all the feelings in the galaxy for you..."

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

Her eyes gazed into his deeply seeing his nervousness and the truth behind his words. Her heart was aflutter as the pain that was there was overshadowed by something else...joy. She smiled as tears began to fall from her eyes like tiny streams. Her heart beat wildly in her chest as she couldn't say anything.

Leaning into him and wrapping her arms around him, she buried her head in his chest and let the tears out...tears of which she thought she had no more after last night. Yet, with each teardrop that fell, some of the pain went with it.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

*He felt her in his embrace and felt warm and whole for the first time in his life. He gently kissed her lips, touching her soft face with his cold, frightened fingertips. He truly now realized that love can hurt, but after you get through the pain it is the most amazing thing you have. He stepped back, looking into her gaze. It was a fine, yet troubled, thing. He faced her, though he had no idea what to do or say. He had already said so much, for better and for worse, in the past two days to just dismiss her or continue with training as if nothing had happened. He had to face their destiny, the same destiny all humans face, being complicated further. He suddenly found himself on one knee, though he had no memory of placing it to the floor. He took her hands, still staring into her ocean blue eyes.*

"Laili, I love you more than anything in the world. I can't let you be, because your beauty won't allow me to. I can’t imagine not spending the rest of my life with you. You complete me, and...oh, hell. I’ll just say it. I don’t want to hide it. I want to blurt it out for all to hear. Laili, I love you. Marry me, and no harm will ever come to you. Marry me, and we can finally be whole. The absence of the other will no longer affect our lives. Please, Laili, marry me.”

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

Laili looked down upon his face...the beatiful smile that warmed her heart whenever she saw it. She did love him. She had loved him since the first time they had met on Coruscant. Yet, she also knew of his love for the Jedi. She closed her eyes not wanting to see his look of love for her now. It was too much to bear to even say what she had to.

"What of the Jedi? You know they won't approve of this...," the words made her sick to her stomach to even say.

She remembered hearing of Kit and his padawan's love for each other and how she had fallen into darkness just as he had. Just yesterday he had warned her of the dangers of holding any connections. Yet, Laili couldn't bear and didn't know if she could even survive another night without him. Being around him in training just made the ache worse.

"I can't let what happened to Kit happen to you. I can't lose you too."

 

[Brandon Rhea]

OOC: I know I gave some speech at this point in the chapter, but for the life of me I can't remember what I said. If you remember, could you PM me? I'll post tomorrow.

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

OOC: Not sure I remember exactly what you said either....something along the lines of how not having her would drive you further down that path or something like that....OR...you said something about how you wouldn't let that happen....something you said convinced her. We don't have to be exactly like it...lol. It isn't like she'd turn you down at this point.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

"Laili, not being with you would drive me crazy. I can't lose you, Laili. You mean everything to me. The thought of not being with you....I can't breathe. Besides, it's not like the other Jedi listen to the code. Look at Damien Nightblade. He's madly in love with Queen Arael. And, I'm madly in love with you. Why should we have to bury our feelings everytime we come into contact with another Jedi?"

*He sighed, walking over to the window and placing his hands on his waist. He watched as the citizens of Iziz walked through their daily routine, taking everything that had for grantide. There were young couples everywhere, in love with each other. All he could wonder at this moment was why they couldn't be like everyone else.*

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

"Last night was the most painful night I've ever experienced. The thought of having to hide my feelings for you and not have them returned....the thought of losing you forever...I can't bear it and I won't do it. I won't live a lie. I don't want to be separated from you again..."

She let her voice fade and lowered her gaze. Laili moved closer to him and put her hand gently on his back as she looked out the window too. She too saw the people walking hand in hand down the streets....husbands and wives, lovers....she wanted that too. Yet, they didn't face the dangers that Ussej would face...they didn't face the Sith. Pulling her gaze from the scene, she stepped to his side and looked into his eyes. She brought her hands up to rest against his chest. She knew the path they were about to undertake would be a hard road, but it was worth it in her mind's eye. She could help him stay true to the Jedi.

"Whatever may come, we'll face together."

 

[Brandon Rhea]

"So...is that...is that a yes?"

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

The smile slowly spread across her face as she blinked the tears away that had started forming in her eyes. Nodding her head, she spoke finally.

"Yes. Yes, Ussej, I'll marry you."

 

[Brandon Rhea]

*He pulled her in close, hugging her tightly. He stroked her hair back, kissing her forehead.*

"I won't let anything bad happen to Laili, I promise. I'd do anything to protect you....anything."

 

[Lillianne Crasse]

She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him while nestling her head against him. She let the tears of joy continue to fall as her heart beat wildly in her chest. How she had longed to be held in his arms like this again. Everything had felt right at that moment as the worries and troubles they would face seemed so very distant.

"Just hold me right now."