The Scoundrel Files (Oddi Xon’s Recorded Diary)

[Oddi Xon]

*Starts recording*

“Entry one, Location- Coruscant, 21st Quadrant:

There’s this nice little electronics store on th’ upper levels of this quadrant of th’ ecumenopolis. It’s called “Kthruul’s”, an’ I would highly recommend them for th’ person who needs organization in their lives. *Upper class snob voice* I appreciate their quality products so much that I acquired one of their fine mini recorders from a wayfaring gran while asking for directions to thee nearest food market. *Normal voice* Well… he didn’t exactly know that I had acquired it…which is odd. I mean, how do you not witness such a thing when you have three eyes??? Come on… evolution gave these guys a boon an’ they’re squanderin’ it by having all three eyes look in one direction while they wave their hand around tellin’ me t’ turn right an’ make a sharp left. But anyway, my point is, now that I have a recorder I can keep tabs of my daily activities an’ amuse myself in the process.

Oh, an’ I really did need foodstuffs. That wasn’t a ruse. I mean, a hatchlin’ has t’ eat, right? And no, I’m not going t’ steal everythin’ this time. I actually got me some credits today. That’s right! Turns out that people will pay to hear a good kloo horn player on a street corner. It’s not much, but it’s enough to pay for some thala-siren milk an’ a portion pack. Aaaaaand… I may pocket some bantha jerky while I’m at it. Hey, I said that I wouldn’t steal everythin’, not anythin’. Soooo… there’s an officer heading this way so I think I’m gonna go ahead an’ turn this off now…”

*Click*

 

[Oddi Xon]

*Click*

“Entry two, Location- Coruscant, 21st Quadrant:

So in makin’ my sudden journey to this planet I didn’t take into account that they might use a different currency here, which they do. They’re like these stick things called credit chips (as opposed to coins like on Zolan) an’ they’re kinda ugly. I mean, they just don’t get that same reflective gleam that a coin has an’ there’s no picture or anythin’. An’ you can’t spin them either without being utterly unsatisfied. I want to know what joyless moof decided to take th’ aesthetics out of currency! *Sigh* I’m getting used ta’ it but it’s just not th’ same.

An’ another thing… when I decided t’ skip my home for this tech-ridden jungle I had no idea that there were going t’ be so many species here! I reckon that I really need to read up on these folks. For example… did you know that those little Jawa-things from that Tatooine place rarely leave planet? That would have been helpful to know. I saw a picture of one of those things on an advert, not knowing what it was, but it looked short like me, so I stupidly thought, ‘Well there’s a good disguise.’ I managed t’ snag a small brown cloak an’ made my skin go all shadowy (I have NO idea what they look like under that mess), an’ I went on a ‘shoppin’ spree’. Well… needless to say that I was noticed pretty quickly when I was lookin’ to snatch a datapad from this weird guy with orange skin and… horns? Headdress? I have NO idea what those were but they were stickin’ up over his head an’ he also had these two white tentacle-things drapin’ down. But anyway, he says ‘You’re no Jawa’ and flags down a passin’ police speeder. I had to book it like a herabe an’ get out of there quick. I wound up hidin’ in an alley an’ there was this drunkard Twi’lek there (I do know what they are) smokin’ a death-stick, and he starts pointin’ an’ laughin’. I asked him what his problem was an’ he tells me how much I was stickin’ out like a sore thumb, an’ that there was no way that a Jawa would be caught dead on this planet. Huh… okay… lesson learned, I’s suppose.

So yeah, I just looked up what a Jawa was just now on a successfuly acquired datapad (I don’t feel the need to explain how), an’ I just realized how ridiculous I must have looked. *Sigh* Ai Mabara! If I’m goin’ to survive out here I need to step up my techniques. So now I need to learn some species identification an’ their cultures, maybe observe how they act in public, how they walk, talk, act, breathe, fart, whatever. That should be easy enough when I play from a street corner. Welp, time to brush off the ol’ kloo horn and earn me some more food credits. Maybe I should start a jatz band…”

*Click*

 

[Oddi Xon]

*Click*

“Entry three, Location- Coruscant, ‘bout ten blocks away from th’ Uscru District:

“Ai Mabara!!! I jus’ bout had th’ single weirdest night of my life! I wandered into Uscru to do a little middle-class “bar hoppin’” an’ “pick pockin’” *snorting laugh* an’ I was jus’ gonna be in an’ out real quick. Now th’ problem with my little plan was that with my height there ain’t no way that I’s gonna pass fer an adult, so I had to improvise. I should feel a little bad though for those duros, but if that’s the way they treat the younglings of their own race, then I can’t really spare th’ pity.

“Aaaaanyway… so I got inside and I’m havin’ a field day on th’ floor, an’ then alls sudden I got this really bizarre sensation. I’m tellin’ ya I got the willies somethin’ fierce. An’ I jus’ couldn’t ignore it, so what’d I do? I morphed into a chadra-fan and went lookin’ for it, cause I’m so brilliant. Oh, I tried to borrow more wallets but then I saw these two humans, an’ one of ‘em has this energy all around him. An’ his pouch was wide open. So I… th’ idiot… decided to go fer it. An’ of course it was a setup, but then he tells me to take it. Can you believe that? But I jus’ couldn’t bring myself to take off with it. I had to know more about that energy, that Force. Yeah, I looked that stuff up afterward and it’s a thing. They call it that, and apparently I can sense it. Don’t that beat all??? So anyway, I wound up talkin’ to the both of them, and they bought me food… it was so good… an’ one of ‘em is in the Galactic Alliance. So I didn’t know much about that until I looked into it. Whoa. That’s some crazy business that he’s involved in! But then th’ other one… he made a necklace float right in front of me!!! I swear on th’ moons of Zolan there were no magnets or nothin’! An’ he says I could do that too! Me! I’m still tryin’ to wrap my mind ‘round that one.

“So then three Houkish bar bouncers come stompin’ in an’ obviously they’re lookin’ for me. So I ducked under th’ table an’ tried to keep all quiet, but Carthus… that’s the one with th’ Force stuff… stands up an’ he’s actin’ all drunk an’ makin’ a scene, all to distract from me. An’ Rao… that’s the rebel… he stands up an’ he joins the act. Of course, I’s get spotted anyhow, an’ lemmie tell ya, turnin’ into a chadra-fan ain’t no fun, but doin’ that saved my little shapechangin’ hide. I had to convince them meatheads that I was the *dramatic voice* star performer for tomorrow night. *Normal voice* Had my kloo horn too, so that made it even better. Rao an’ I managed to walk out, but Cathrus decided to fake being black-out drunk. But then those meatheads decided to bring him out th’ back way, an’ Rao an’ I had to go ‘round and get their attention. An’ you shoulda seen Rao! He gets one of ‘em with a pallet and th’ other with a gut-kick. It was awesome!!! But then Carthus kicks th’ one that stayed behind an’ runs down th’ one that got gut-kicked. So the boss one starts to run after Carthus an’ someone had to stop him, so I stunned him with my blaster. An’ let me tell ya, I was sooo glad that I set that right, since I ain’t ever used a blaster before. So I’m watchin’ th’ two guys an’ suddenly Carthus tells me to stun him, so I was like “What??? an’ Rao was like “What???” but I went ahead an’ did it. He managed to get th’ bouncer in front of it instead but I kinda got his foot in the process. So th’ houks were all knocked out and we’re checking on Carthus and his foot’s a little wonky but he’s all fine an’ dandy. So he invited us up to his ship. Nice ship, I gotta say. Nice guys too. Cath offered to bring me off-planet but… an’ I reckon I must be crazy… but I decided to hang back to learn ‘bout this energy thing that we both have in common. I’m hopin’ I see them two again someday soon. It’s nice t’ have friends. I ain’t ever had friends.

“So lucky me… I at least get t’ spend th’ night on th’ ship! On a real bed! I’m gonna sleep better than I have in years. An’ tomorrow, I’m marchin’ my feet right over to that Library that’s just a hop, skip, an’ a jump from here. I’m gonna learn me more about this stuff. I’m gonna start teachin’ myself a lot of things, I think.

“G’night… whoever hears this. An’ wish me luck.” *Click*

 

[Oddi Xon]

*Click*

“Entry four, Location- Coruscant, Uscru District, West end:

“Un-kriffin’-believable. Buncha classist, elitist… errrrrgh… I’m ‘bout ta’ lose my head! So all I wanted t’ do was use th’ library, right? I wanna learn ‘bout this energy… ‘bout this Force. Yeah, turns out there’s a name for it. I managed to glean that much from th’ datapad, along with some mentions of ‘Jedi’ an’ ‘Sith’, whatever those are. But after that? Nothin’. Hence my trip to th’ library, or I should say, my attempt. I tried t’ walk in an’ they tell me *Overly adult voice* ‘Hey! All younglings must be accompanied by an adult!’ *Normal voice* Okay, I know I’m only fifteen, but still… like everybody they’re mistakin’ me for an eight-year-old! An’ I tried to explain the whole dwarfism thing, but of course no one ever believes me… so I left an’ came back with a different approach. Welp, that wasn’t good enough, ‘cause even though I looked like an adult chadra-fan I still got turned away on account a’ my clothes! Yeah, I’m homeless an’ I dress th’ part, but they thought I wanted t’ go in there to sleep!!! Well I guess homeless folk ain’t allowed t’ get our learnin’ on!

“Well, no way am I stoppin’ now. Noooooo… I’m gonna gather me some funds an’ I’m gonna hack into th’ system. All’s I need is a port scanner! Tryin’ a quit th’ whole pickin’ pockets scene though, so I’ll try th’ gamblin’ route an’ I’ll hafta do some good ol’ fashioned street performin’ with my horn. May take a couple a’ weeks an’ I’s suppose I could jus’ spend th’ credits on clothes, but it’s th’ principal of th’ thing! I’m gonna come outta this funk I’m in as a well-educated clawdite. First a’ my kind.

“Watch me, everyone. Watch me.”

*Click*

 

[Oddi Xon]

*Click*

“Entry five, Location- Coruscant, CoCo Town:

“Phewwwww!!! I can’t believe how much we stink! We stink somethin’ awful! Heh heh heh…

“I should probably clarify what I mean by ‘we’, an’ it ain’t th’ royal ‘we’. Folks… I made another friend. That’s three… count them… three whole friends in a month! An’ he ain’t just a friend, oh no… he’s my boss!!! Ol’ Oddi-girl has finally found employment! Ain’t that a hoot?

“So, the stinkiness is a long story, an’ so’s the friendship. Ya know that port scanner I was gonna get? Well, he wanted one too, an we both got in a hagglin’ war down on Level 1313 along Artful Alley. That’s… that’s a black market spot if ya don’t know. The guy at the counter? He wanted… get this… 200 credits for a used port scanner. Seriously??? So that kinda made the biddin’ worse, but then suddenly th’ jawa… he’s a jawa, by th’ way… mentions that he could possibly hire me! I thought I was gonna poo-doo in my britches at first, but then I get this idea. I suggested that we combine our funds, buy him th’ scanner, shoot on up to th’ junkyard level, An’ there I’d crack open th’ thing to see how it’s built. Then I could salvage what I need from th’ junk an’ build my own. So we scurried our little bodies back up to Level 1782, which is nothin’ but junk an’ scrap as far as th’ eye can see. Now ya see where th’ stinkiness comes in, right?

So we’re gettin’ to work, an’ he heads up a big ol’ scrap-pile to look for parts. I’m startin’ to piece a new scanner together an’ all’s sudden I’m all wrapped up in tentacles! They was over my mouth an’ I couldn’t move my legs a lick! So this is where I got introduced to the existence of dianogas, an’ this one seemed t’ have a taste for reptilian meat… that’d be me. An’ Funani… that’s my jawa friend an’ I forgot t’ mention his name… he’s listenin’ to music an’ didn’t notice. Tried t’ grab my blaster, but of course I dropped it. So here’s where th’ really cool thing happened, though. I used th’ Force t’ bring it to my hand!!! I didn’t have time t’ think about it but now that I do it’s quite thrillin’ t’ say th’ least! Anyway, I used it to get Funani’s attention an’ finally he noticed, an’ then you shoulda seen him! He went in all wild-like an’ used the circuits on his weird rifle-thing to zap the creature, so of course the thing threw him off into the waste piles. After that, we figured out that if we feed the big guy he might leave us alone, so we found him some edibles an’ he was all good. By the way, I named it. He’s Oscar now.

So we’re sittin’ an calmin’ down, an’ I’m explainin’ to him why I need th’ scanner. He suddenly gits all giddy-like an’ tells me ‘bout this lady who uses th’ Force t’ talk to folks in their minds, an’ he says I should try it with him. I was a bit skeptical, but I tried it. Poor Funani. I ain’t ever heard of thought-induced tinnitus till then, but now it’s a thing. He got over it though an’ we had a good gettin’-t’-know-ya talk.

An’ ya know what? I got a good feelin’ now. I was all outta sorts before but this partnership could work out better than anythin’ I expected. I got friends, I got a job… I got a pet *chuckle*… I guess life is gettin’ better by th’ moment. Hope can be a dangerous thing… until it pays off.

An’ finally… it’s payin’ off.

*Click*