The Outlaws Intrest

[ChrisStevens150]

THE OUTLAWS INTEREST CHECK

You know, there is something I am missing on this RP, although being a sith or jedi seems perfectly fine. Which I prefer a dark jedi but that just dose't work out with me. What i'm trying to do here is bring Duke to bigger levels then just being a regular person. Anyways from listening to Outlander what I said earlier it seems like the faction revolves around me which i'm not aiming for. Anyways up to the mission goals, we want peace. But at the same time we want destruction. The Outlaws will stop at nothing to reign supreme to why they are here. They are unique from the other indie factions because it is open to anybody to destroy everything in their path. But once they can finish the war, they want to offer peace, but at the same time.. Offering peace may lead up to very horrible things. But the horrible things can't stop The Outlaws, but that's what they believe, it just depends on what happens at that point.

Anyways, that's what I got. Edited a few things to make it seem much better, reply in the comments if you want to be in and with your character's profile link.

ROSTER
Deadshot


EDIT: Listened to Outlander, might have some few improvements there but right now i've tried to fix what he noted on.

 

[Outlander]

OK, here's my critique off the bat purely from what I see here.

First off is more of a pet peeve of mine than anything else, and you should really take it with a grain of salt because of that. To me, I don't like seeing stuff like "Make him seem great as a leader" in a faction writeup, or even something small like this. Basically, it shows to me that the faction revolves around your character, and that's not conducive to good storytelling. Now, that's not to say you cant have a PC leader or a focal figure for your faction. I have that in my own with Bria Tsuani. However, they can't be THE figure the faction is about, because then it just seems like the faction is meant to serve the character's story, rather than the other way around.

Moving on, you show here a kind of duality. Bring peace through conquest, if i'm interpreting this correctly. And that's good; I like that. However, you may want to change that second part. Basically, as an Indie, you'll be handicapped in terms of resources in comparison to a Main Faction, and will have to work a lot harder for basic things like ships, personnel, etc. If a Main, or even a larger Indie, decides that you'll cause problems either for them personally or negatively impact the story, they can easily crush you. So, while it's good to want conquest in a faction, be in mind it might not be practical at the very start, especially depending on the state of the Roleplay when this is actually formed.

Onto the big selling point here: I think you're honestly overestimating it. A bunch of factions do just that; whether directly or indirectly. I pride the Accord on being fairly diverse, to the point where we have a somewhat terrible person in the group IC because they cause conflict and interesting scenarios. Same goes for Czerka, The Sector Rangers, and others. It's fairly common place in Indies; we can't afford to be terribly picky, so the scene has adapted around allowing multiple character types, backgrounds, personalities and what have you. If you want to really stand out, you'll need to bring something to the table that truly is unique.

And finally, this harkens back to my point on being an Indie. You're not very strong as an Indie. If you have aspirations of taking on the Jedi and the Sith, you need to rethink this. There is precisely 0% chance of this happening unless @Green Ranger goes into a delusional state or something and messes with the plot. You need to make your faction's goals more reasonable, or make it more clear how it will grow and evolve to one day reach your original goal.

Anyways, I hope my critique her helps you further flesh out your idea.

 

[ChrisStevens150]

Got it, the problem I don't wanna take on a jedi or sith because usally I don't act like one and then I might start problems on how my jedi or sith acts, and I do understand what I need to improve on. Once I figure out everything will be much better, thanks for letting me know on this.