Sidias Candroon

[Count Sam]

"My name is Sidas Candroon,and I walk the shaded path"​

​

"Yes I decided to walk the shaded path,and my story started 20 years ago,yeah if I remember correctly,and my parents probably thought they were blessesd to have me,since I had good look,or at least that was what alot of people thought,yeah well I had bright blue eyes,blonde long hair that reached my back,well some people would think that im a girl,but well I am not,and mistaking me for a girl sometimes makes me angry."


"As I grew up my normal human father, and sephi mother,yes my parents were non-senstive toward the force,unlike me,and they were just normal citizens who enjoyed a peacful life.yes where did I stop,oh yeah my parents yes,and as I grew up they started to like me much specially after they noticed my skills at many thing specially with machines,and droids,but the most thing that made them care alot about me was the special ability I had,and that was controling the force,yep at the age of 15 my usage of the force was probably visible to everyone and,thats when all the troubles began"

"Yes..the troubles when I first used force teleknesis that i was not able to control correctly my parents decided to send me to the jedi temple to start my training,but I have hated the jedi for all my life they were just a bunch of cowards to me who feared the dark side,and spent most of their time meditating in there temple waiting for the force to guide them,and I was really stubborn,well I have always been stubborn for my whole life."


"I still remember this day carefully it was my 18'th birthday when the jedi were going to take me for training,and on that day I had a strong argue with my parents,that made me really angry,and well I used the force to drop the walls of the house upon their heads accidently,after that I was full of sorrow,and hate,as I escaped,and from that moment my whole life changed,yep for the next two years I have spent my life stealing killing,and spenting my life just like any poor gangster,in the streets of corellina I have even had a few scars on my right,and left cheek from a bounty hunter who kiddnapped me,and tortured me,but oh well I was able to escape,and as I reached 20 i decided to begin a new life,and learn how to control the force,but well I was not going to join the jedi,I was probably going to join the shade order,yeah they used the lightside just like the jedi,but they also used the dark side of they,yeah they dont fear it just like me"

"on the next day i cutted my hair,and made it short,as I decided to start a new life a life of a shade knight"

 

[Ru the Boatswain]

The letter I when alone needs to be capitalized.

 

[Count Sam]

The letter I when alone needs to be capitalized.

i fixed everything up including the I's :P

 

[Whitewolf]

Not everything; the first letter of each sentence (including dialogue) needs to be capitalized as well.

 

[Count Sam]

Not everything; the first letter of each sentence (including dialogue) needs to be capitalized as well.

The whole thing is a dialogue:CShock: but well i capitalised everything now

 

[Ru the Boatswain]

After commas put a space. These are things you need to work on.

Hi my name is Carl, I like wearing women's clothing and hanging around in bars. Doing so makes me feel pretty.

That is an example. Also, note the space after the comma and period. You need to get rid of run on sentences.

 

[Count Sam]

After commas put a space. These are things you need to work on.



That is an example. Also, note the space after the comma and period. You need to get rid of run on sentences.

But, well other than the grammar mistakes i guess that the profile is fine right?:CHappy:

 

[Ru the Boatswain]

But, well other than the grammar mistakes i guess that the profile is fine right?:CHappy:

Yeah, it seems fine.

 

[Whitewolf]

This entire passage needs some breaking up with periods:

"I still remember this day carefully it was my 18'th birthday when the jedi were going to take me for training,and on that day I had a strong argue with my parents,that made me really angry,and well I used the force to drop the walls of the house upon their heads accidently,after that I was full of sorrow,and hate,as I escaped,and from that moment my whole life changed,yep for the next two years I have spent my life stealing killing,and spenting my life just like any poor gangster,in the streets of corellina I have even had a few scars on my right,and left cheek from a bounty hunter who kiddnapped me,and tortured me,but oh well I was able to escape,and as I reached 20 i decided to begin a new life,and learn how to control the force,but well I was not going to join the jedi,I was probably going to join the shade order,yeah they used the lightside just like the jedi,but they also used the dark side of they,yeah they dont fear it just like me"

Try saying it out loud and I'm sure you'll run out of breath and get tongue twisted pretty quickly. :CHappy: