Ryu Quasis

[Urbanbusta]

Name: Ryu Quasis
Faction: None
Rank: N/A
Species: Human
Home Planet: Telos IV
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Height: 5'5
Weight: 162 lbs
Eyes: Black
Hair: Black, Straight long Hair
Skin: Tanned
Credits: 1000

Strength: High upper and lower body strength
Dexterity: Clumsy at times, but decent in battle situations
Constitution: Healthy
Intelligence: Good with Numerals.
Wisdom: Still young and learning
Charisma: Doesn't get on with most at times, Sarcastic

Force Powers:
None as of yet.

Skills:
Well trained with a blaster and vibrosword, Understanding of Imperial ships and hover bikes.

Lightsaber Forms:
None as of yet. Style with melee weapons resemble Form II, Makashi.

Strengths and Weaknesses:
Bad at understanding combat situation strategies, Good team leading skills.

Gear:
Datapad, several Electronic lock breakers, Custom Vibroblade and duel DC-17 hand blasters.

Ships:
None.

Pets:
None.

Personality:
Witty and Sarcastic, Childish and hates to lose.

History:
Ryu was brought up in a orphanage, hes parents were killed at the age of 13. At the age of 15 he reverted to crime, which got him in prison for 5 months. He was freshly released on bail by a mysterious stranger.

RP’s:
None.

 

[Enishi]

Welcome to SWRP.

The profile isn't bad, but it could use some work. The history, for example, is a bit too short.

 

[Urbanbusta]

Still Young, It'll grow.. in time.

 

[Brandon Rhea]

Despite still being young, he's had 19 years of life experience. That could be said in at least three paragraphs. However, even with the history, I have a question. It says he was brought up in an orphanage, yet it also says his parents were killed when he was thirteen. Was he brought up in the orphanage AFTER that, because when you say "brought up" it would make someone think most of his childhood.

Here's a suggestion for expanding your history. What you need to do is look at each sentence and go into more detail about it. What was it like in the orphanage? Did he have any friends in the orphanage? How many other kids were in the orphanage? Where was the orphanage? How were his parents killed? Why were they killed? Did he care that they were killed or was he devastated? What did he do between the time his parents were killed and when he was fifteen? Why did he revert to crime? What kinds of crimes did he commit? What crime did he commit that landed him in jail for five months? What was prison like? Who else was in prison with him? How much was the bail that was posted for him? What was this mysterious stranger like? What did the mysterious stranger say? Where did the mysterious stranger go? What did Ryu do after he was released? What are his intentions now that he's out of prison?

This may seem like a lot, but it's for your benefit. It'll really help you to expand your history. Also, is he Force Sensitive? You may want to add that after credits.

Good start, just needs work.