Pomp and Strange Circumstances

[Varyn Rask]

Varyn Rask had opened an office on Dromund Kaas, and he couldn't complain. The Imperial planet that had grown in power and importance over the last 500 years, and for good reason. The Emperor - that still sounded odd - enjoyed this world because it was a peaceful and temperate climate. He could walk outside onto the balcony and enjoy the fresh air.

He was inside today, though, and poking away at a datapad, reading mission reports, responding to meeting requests, and planning operations. He couldn't believe the amount of administration work and human interaction he had had to have since becoming Emperor. He had been inundated by requests from politicians and dignitaries that he neither knew nor wanted to know.

It was a relief when he'd been told that a Crusader Blackwell wanted to speak with him. Finally, someone he actually liked.

It was the first time he'd seen her since his promotion, and even if he was the Emperor, he still felt a bit nervous to see her. A glance at his chrono revealed that she should have been arriving at any moment. He was sure he should have spent those moments trying to fill out one more message or reading one more report, but he was starting to get a headache. He popped in a pair of tablets and washed them down with a glass of water as he walked out to the balcony and took in a breath of fresh air.

The guards had been instructed to allow her to pass without issue, and he waited to here the hiss of the door to his office opening.

 

[Tasha Blackwell]

She wasn’t often someone to get nervous, but this warranted it. It could very well end in her death, and the reality hung in the corners of her psyche. Tasha hesitated as she arrived at the doors, glancing down at the ground. She was one of the very few that could directly ask to meet with the Emperor of the Sith. Most of it was because she had known Varyn since before he had been even a Crusader. He had rapidly risen through the ranks, and none of it was a surprise to her. He had wanted her by his side for a lot of that, and she had played her part thus far.

Her fingers clenched and unclenched, and she could feel perspiration building there. Tasha finally sighed and opened the doors, spotting him at once. She managed a faint smile, knowing he was overburdened with meetings since his ascension to this position. The office was magnificent and truly befitting of a man of his position. She was amused at the thought of him meeting with countless people everyday, especially as he strongly disliked dealing with others.

“Emperor Rask,” Tasha said quietly looking all around at the office. She was adorned in Sith robes, having relinquished her saber to the guards as was customary for anyone entering to meet him. She took a seat across from him. Her eyes were as piercing as ever, her hair now done in a braid that hung on one side instead of hanging loose around her shoulders like usual.

“I know you’re tired of meetings,” She smiled, “I hope you can forgive me for this one,” Tasha said quietly, her thoughts lingering on the topic she wanted to discuss.

 

[Varyn Rask]

He heard the door slide open, and didn't turn to face her right away. He was simply enjoying the free moment and a meeting where he wasn't having to deal with immediately putting on a diplomatic face. She had seen him at his best and worst, and he didn't have to put on a front for her.

Taking another sip, he turned to her and immediately noticed how different she looked. While her low cut dresses and flowing hair were certainly not difficult on the eyes, there was a certain aura that these clothes seemed to put off. It was... impressive. She had always carried herself with confidence, but there was something more today. His eyes lingered on her for a bit longer than they should have before he intentionally tore them away.

While most wouldn't notice it, she would be able to see that he looked more tired than normal already. He'd been sacrificing sleep, but he did his best to hide it.

When it's just the two of us, it's still just Varyn. Emperor Rask was my father, he said with a smirk. He had cracked a joke! Of course, it would have been a better joke if he'd actually had a father who was an Emperor, but he was way overthinking this as usual.

And on the contrary, it's good to see you, he said with a genuine - but not large - smile on his face. The smile was cut short a moment later. Something was... off. He didn't know what it was, but she was nervous. And she was a woman who didn't get nervous. Was it his new position? Or something else?

Her nerves began to make him nervous, and he metaphorically withdrew a bit, putting himself on a defensive foot. Is everything okay? he asked perceptively.

 

[Tasha Blackwell]

Tasha couldn’t help but chuckle softly at his words, mostly because he was trying to joke instead of the joke itself. He had some qualities about him that were incredibly endearing, and that had been the case since the first time they met on Korriban. He could be absolutely cold and methodical in some ways, and shy and nervous in others. She brought out different sides of him that many others didn’t, and she still couldn’t understand why. That was what made this meeting even more difficult.

“Varyn,” She began softly, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Tasha looked away for a moment. She was never one to hesitate with her words, and she knew he could read right through her. He had picked up on her change of demeanor at once, and there was little she could do to hide it. She fidgeted slightly, chewing the inside of her lip. Tasha knew she couldn’t beat around the bush, as something like this would come up sooner or later.

“I've thought long and hard about what I want to do,” She finally looked back at him, meeting his gaze, “I’ve been a part of the campaigns to take the Alliance worlds for the Sith. I’ve helped in the efforts to merge our Empires, and I’m currently leading the efforts to take Mon Cala back,” These were all true and a testament to her accomplishments, “Despite all that….I feel like there is something missing,” She sighed, leaning back in her seat.

“Because I want to do something that’s entirely my own. You know me well enough to see that I never….truly belonged here,” Tasha managed an almost sad smile, “I know you won’t like hearing this, but I think you knew this in your heart all along. I can no longer be a part of the Empire…not if I wish to do something that will truly make me happy.”

She looked down at the ground again, “I understand if this carries with it the weight of punishment. I suppose I’ll simply have to accept whatever judgment you have to pass.”

 

[Varyn Rask]

Kriff, this is going to be bad, he thought to himself. He didn't think he had ever seen Tasha this nervous before about anything, and that alone was enough to send up a huge red flag to the new Emperor. Something was very, very wrong, and he braced himself for the punch. Out of reflex, he set the glass down on his desk as the animal inside braced for an actual, physical attack that he consciously knew wouldn't come.

She was piecing together her story and reasoning, and somewhere along the way - though he couldn't identify precisely where - he guessed what she was going to say. He hoped he was wrong, and thus it didn't make it any easier when she finally delivered the news She was looking at the ground, and he simply stood there in silence.

It felt as though he'd been punched in the gut, and he was fairly certain he'd taken physical blows that were less severe than this. He measured his breathing, actively counting in and out as he tried to sort through what he was thinking. He was furious, and that radiated through the Force as plain as day, no matter how much he tried to hide it. But there was no outburst: no screaming, no yelling, no attempt to draw his saber or choke her out with the Force.

Just silence.

Silence that ticked by one second at a time. A sense of betrayal settled in the back of his mind, and he couldn't help but feel as though precisely what he'd hoped wouldn't happen had come to pass.

Then I guess you won't be right where I ask you to be, he said quietly and with a hint of acid that wasn't characteristic of his tone. They were the words she'd said when he asked where she would be when he rose to power. He took another careful, silent yet deep breath in as his fingers ran along the table to his right.

He knew he couldn't keep her here, and though he could certainly make her life living torment if he chose he didn't want that. He wanted her by his side, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Despite the swirling rage just below the surface, he steadied himself. It was one of his greatest strengths to keep his emotions in check where others Sith couldn't. It was also one of the reasons he was characteristically un-Sith. A rage filled outburst would net him nothing, but the potent, silent anger would in many ways be all the worse for her.

And what do you want? he asked, voice now taking on much the same tone it would if he were dealing with anyone else. Slipping into a purely business mode was a much safer thing for him to do: a defensive mechanism. He'd been in negotiations many times before, and there was simply nothing personal about them. But he was lying to himself and he knew it. There was something very personal about this. That was why he was seething. You shouldn't be seething Varyn, he told himself. This is why you are supposed to be alone. Emperors couldn't be weak or have vulnerabilities.

 

[Tasha Blackwell]

Tasha knew he wouldn’t take it well. She could tell he didn’t, just by the way his face became an emotionless mask. He said nothing for a long moment, and she was left chewing her lip and waiting for him to speak. Her gaze met his, but his eyes were vacant then and didn’t display any emotions. The normally relaxed nature he had around her was suddenly gone. He had withdrawn and was suddenly the Emperor that everyone else saw. He was pushing her out, and it stung her to see. Tasha hadn’t even realized this could bother her so much.

When he spoke, it was as if someone jammed a dagger into her chest and twisted it. He threw back at her the words she had told him in the garden in that tower in Korriban. Tasha said nothing for a moment, unable to meet his gaze then. She looked down again, her mind exploding into thoughts. Was she making the right call here? Would this mean the end of any kind of connection they ever had? Venom dripped from his tone as he spoke, and she felt like nothing more than a stranger.

“I know you’re not happy with me,” Tasha finally spoke, “None of this has anything to do with you. I stayed even this long because of you,” She admitted. There was truth to that – he had painted a vision she could get behind, and he had empowered her to play a bigger role for the Empire. They had countless conversations on how the past Sith worked, and how he could do it different. She had supported him the entire way, but she knew her heart was elsewhere.

He had asked what she wanted, and she could tell there was a turmoil going on in his mind. He was angry, but he was reeling it in. She could tell by the way the dark side churned within him that he had a tumultuous storm whirling inside his mind. Tasha wanted to close the distance between them, to touch him and bring him back to the present like she had done before. However, the truth was that she feared him right now, and she stayed put in her seat.

“I want to invest in a venture that has no ceilings for me,” Tasha explained, “The Sith are vicious and primal in nature. My rise within the ranks would mean having to kill others and one day face you,” She smiled faintly, “I can never bring myself to do that, nor would I be happy not owning something entirely mine” Tasha inhaled slowly and sighed softly, “I want to leave to pursue my own path and make my own difference in the galaxy. I want to build it from the ground up and have it become my very own legacy,” She smiled at him again, “Remember when I added my own flowers and efforts into that garden? It’s always been my dream to leave something behind. Something that is very much me,” Tasha paused for a moment before speaking, “And I can’t find that with the Sith.”

She gazed at him for a long moment, “I know you will do amazing things as Emperor, and you will have the very best and brightest to help you rule. You hardly need some foolish dancer from Nar Shaddaa,” Tasha chuckled quietly.

 

[Varyn Rask]

Varyn knew it was foolish to think that he could have anything approaching a normal life. He knew it was foolish to think that he could have someone else besides the Empire. He knew it was foolish of him to have relied - even for a moment - on someone else. Now he knew he would pay dearly for it.

He very nearly asked her why she'd come here, and why she'd told him this, but he already knew why. Because deep down he knew that if she'd just disappeared without a trace he'd have sent people to find her. Because at the end of the day, the two of them weren't just Emperor and subject or even a pair of Acolytes as they had been when they first met. They were - at least Varyn had thought they were - friends.

Or maybe even something more.

He longed for that gentle touch of her finger against his lips. He longed for that feeling of his hand on her hip or her body pressed up against his. But now, each of those memories was laced with a tang of poison. A hint of pain with every thought.

And you want my blessing? "Go, be at peace"? he nearly spat, biting the inside of his lip to stop himself from going further. Professional, Varyn. This is good practice for all the other things as Emperor that will make you angry, he told himself. Was that really all this had become to him now? Another in a long line of business interactions.

And then there was silence again. What was there to say? He wasn't going to beg her to stay, and she wouldn't stay on her own. Yelling or raging at her would accomplish nothing, he knew that.

The worst part was, he had feared deep down this would happen. He could feel it long ago. He had hoped to redirect her into the Sith to build herself up within its confines, but he had been unsuccessful. One more in a long line of failures, and now the fate of the whole Empire rested on his... no, he thought to himself. Now was not the time for such self-defeating thoughts. It was never the time, in fact.

Now, he had to decide what to do with her. He should have probably had her killed or something similar, but Sith leaving the Order behind was far from unprecedented. Not everyone needed that. He wasn't thinking with his head, and he knew it.

At least now I know where we stand, he said curtly before blinking. His eyes lacked the warmth they once had when he looked at her, and even the way he stood was more animalistic: reminiscent of a predator ready to leap.

So what would the "foolish dancer from Nar Shaddaa" do if she were in my shoes? he asked. Now there was a question she wouldn't have been expecting because even Varyn hadn't anticipated it. It had simply... come to him as if from the Force itself.

 

[Tasha Blackwell]

Nothing she said made it better, and she knew it. Tasha said nothing as silence fell between them once again. Her words washed over him like waves of the ocean, and they simply crashed and rolled right off the rock he had become. There was no getting through, and no way to chip away at him. It burned her, and it brought pain she hadn’t expected. When he spoke, the ice was still there. She wondered if it had been a poor decision to come here at all. She found her mind wandering down those same avenues, but she stopped herself.

“I wanted you to hear it from me,” She spoke quietly, “You would have searched for me and wasted resources doing so. And once you found me, it would have been far worse than what we feel right now,” Tasha hoped he would catch the ‘we’ in that sentence, letting him know that this was just as difficult of a decision for her. When he mentioned he knew where they stood, Tasha was struck again with a heavy blow that she was left reeling from. It stung and left cracks in her normally impenetrable resolve. It would take time to piece all this back together, and she hated this moment. She wanted to turn back time to before she ever entered this room.

“And where do we stand?” Tasha asked quietly. She finally shifted from where she was, moving closer to him. She knew he was angry, but she wouldn’t keep this painful wedge between them, not when he was so close. Tasha stepped even closer, reaching a hand up to slowly place along the side of his face. She gazed at him with those same, haunting yellow eyes that always shielded her thoughts. They gleamed as always, though even then he could see the pangs of pain reflected within the yellow surfaces, “Why do we have to be enemies? I am still Tasha. And you are Varyn. That will never change.”

His question lingered on her mind, and she managed a smile, her hand still warm against his face, “If I were in your shoes, I’d see how much more liberated I am to explore anything I’ve been denying myself. I would no longer feel fear or paranoia about a personal agenda because there is nothing to gain or lose,” Her words were barely above a whisper, but she didn’t do anything else, frozen there for just a moment longer. After that moment, she began to pull away and drift away once more and towards the doors.

 

[Varyn Rask]

Varyn didn't fail to notice the "we" in her sentence. So she was hurting as well? He wanted to believe that, but his suspicious side told him that it was all a ploy to garner sympathy so she could avoid the dangers that harrowed her steps. He knew she was right: he would have used resources to hunt her down wherever she went.

But he also knew Tasha, and he knew this was something else besides just manipulation. He knew that she was hurting because he could feel it in her soul. He could see it in the way she fidgeted uncomfortably. He could feel it in the Force that radiated between the two of them. And he also knew he was still drawn to her. He shouldn't have been, and there was even a part of himself that hated it because he felt he should know better, but there was another part of him that very much desired her still.

Where did they stand? Wasn't it obvious? They were not what he had once thought. They were not what she had always told him they were, which meant he couldn't trust her.

We're Emperor and businesswoman, he said. The final word somehow managed to sound like an accusation even though the inflection of the tone barely changed. She stood and made her way toward him and he took a step back, grasping her wrist before it touched his face. Touch was something he was far from comfortable with under any circumstances, and the trust they had built was shattered. His whole body stiffened involuntarily, but her words... those words cut into his heart. They cut into his heart far deeper than he would have expected or liked.

They were Tasha and Varyn.

He still held her wrist, but not in the vice grip of someone restraining another person. To call it tender was too far, but she could have easily torn her wrist free with little effort. She pulled away and headed for the door, and he said nothing for a moment. He didn't want her to leave, but he also didn't know what to say. There were still far too many emotions, and he was still far too inept at handling them. Somehow - though he knew it was a selfish and evil thought - he wanted her to feel the same pain he felt. But he knew she already did.

The door to his office snapped open for her to leave, but then snapped immediately closed again with the slightest flux in the Force. How could he be sure any of this was real? How could he know if she was just using this as some ploy to assassinate him? The paranoia, no matter how much he may have hated it, wouldn't go away. He could feel the emotions in her, but what if those were simply the remorse that she had to kill him? The thoughts were reflective of a man who in many, many ways was broken inside by a childhood of indoctrination and paranoia.

I thought I could rely on you, he said at last after a long moment of silence. The words lacked the bite and acid of his prior statements and carried with them more sadness. He knew he couldn't trust to let her inside, but he couldn't seem to help himself. He knew the words probably didn't need to be said, but he needed to say them. He didn't know why, and he didn't know if anything would even come of it, but for his own sanity they couldn't be left unspoken. @Sreeya

 

[Tasha Blackwell]

He stopped her before she could touch his face, and it only placed the final nail in the coffin. Her features hardened then, and it was her turn to withdraw. She had let the walls down, perhaps more than she should have. She had done that for him several times now, and this time he had finally made it clear he wanted to close all those doors. Tasha gently eased her hand out of his grip, his words ringing inside her mind.

“Very well,” She said quietly, her voice devoid of any emotion. Tasha said nothing more, not bothering to sense what went on inside him, or look into his eyes. She simply made her way towards the door, her jaw tightening and her fists curling. She had been foolish to come here. Tasha had made entirely too many assumptions, and this was a reminder of why she always had such a cynical view on things. It always stung less, and she always came out unscathed in the end. Not so much this time.

She almost walked out, but the door snapped close in her face. For a moment, she thought it was an abruptly faulty design. When he spoke again, she realized he purposely blocked her from leaving. Tasha kept her gaze trained on the door, anger still whirling within her. Her fists were still curled, and she had to try hard to calm her mind. She closed her eyes, drawing in breath before exhaling it softly.

“Well, it turns out you can’t,” She said bluntly, venom in her voice. It was clear he had stung her, and now she was on the defense. Tasha wouldn’t reach out to him again, not after he had pushed her away. She kept her gaze on her door, not bothering to turn and face him, “There is nothing left to discuss. You’ve made yourself clear, Emperor Rask.”

 

[Varyn Rask]

There was anger swirling in this room between both of them. There was pain on both sides, and the fact that they each were able to wound the other so deeply was far more telling to Varyn than he had expected.

Her voice had changed, and like him she had withdrawn. He had half a mind that this was about to turn into a knock-down, drag-out argument, which was in and of itself momentous. Varyn didn't bother arguing with people, and he didn't get this emotionally invested in someone else. People - individuals - had always been expandable to him. Everyone was expendable in his mind... except it seemed she wasn't anymore.

He walked forward, closing the distance between the two of them even if she didn't turn around. It wasn't a gentle move, but far more confrontational. If she turned to look at him, she would be reminded of a warrior closing for battle. But he drew up short, and there was no saber in his hand or any other attacks to lash out at her.

If I acted like the Emperor, I'd have you killed here and now, he hissed, throwing her emphasis on his title back in her face. And she would know it was true. What he was choosing to do for her was something he probably shouldn't have, and that alone would tell her a great deal if she actually stopped to consider it.

I don't let people in, Tasha! he growled angrily. He shouldn't have been saying any of this, but it was about kriffing time that something happened. That's why I wanted to know if I could count on you. If you'd planned to leave you should have told me! he let out an exasperated sigh. He knew that wasn't fair, since that was precisely what she was doing. He just would have preferred it before he was Emperor... but life wasn't ideal. He stepped back, turning his back to her. That alone - if she considered it - was an incredible signal of trust. His instincts told him not to, but he wasn't going to let his instincts guide everything in this... whatever this was.

His palm ran over his face and he took another heavy breath before turning back around, now slightly more composed. The entire outburst was a side of him she - and nearly everyone else in the galaxy - had never seen before.

Tasha... he started to say, but it was as much to fill the air and make sure she didn't walk out as it was to figure out what he wanted to say. He had no idea where he was going with this sentence, but he didn't want to word vomit.

I'm osik at this, he said bluntly, and threw his hands out at his side. Whatever "this" is... what is this? he finally asked. The question was clearly emotionally charged because whether he wanted to admit it or not, he was emotionally invested in her. It was why this hurt them both so badly. He knew that even throwing the statement out there at this point was probably a terrible idea. If she hadn't cooled off, he was as likely to get a slap in the face as an actual answer, but he'd put himself out there, and that was about all he could do at this point.

 

[Tasha Blackwell]

As he mentioned killing her, Tasha whirled around to face him, “Then do it,” She spat at him, “Then kill me and get it over with. I’d rather that than you constantly hanging it above my head that I’m only alive because of your mercy,” Tasha had no remorse for her words, and she didn’t care what they invoked.

Tasha paused for a moment, realizing he was right back to fighting the battles within himself. She said nothing, hearing him express his frustrations and then turn around. It was her turn to face his back, and she found it strange. He was never one to turn his back on anyone, and it was such an integral trait of his that it was bizarre to see otherwise.

She stood rooted in place until he turned back around, uttering her name quietly. Tasha didn’t move even then, the hints of her anger still on her face. They were pronounced in her eyes, which normally had no real emotion in them. She said nothing as he finally threw out that he was bad at this, and asked what this was. Tasha didn’t know any more than he did, and she was just as frustrated. It caught her off guard, and she could see him crumbling before her, the steely resolve falling apart. Tasha had no answer for him, and she stood there without moving a muscle.

“Whatever it is,” She said, ice still in her tone, “It’s better off not being explored,” Tasha looked away, gritting her teeth. She didn’t like being vulnerable, and she had spent her entire life fighting against it. She had gotten to where she was by stepping on others that were weak. Vulnerabilities and letting walls down for anyone resulted in nothing but anguish - she had seen it time and time again.

“If you’re looking to me for all the answers, I don’t have them,” Tasha said firmly, though she still failed to look at him. It was true - she didn’t know what any of this was or why it infuriated her so much. She simply knew that she didn’t want that feeling of him pushing her away again. It had stung far more than she would ever admit out loud, and she was in no hurry to put herself out there again.

 

[Varyn Rask]

Her words cut into him like a knife. He knew what a blade felt like, and in many ways what she said felt all the worst than any blade could have. Better off not exploring it. Well, that certainly hadn't been what he'd been expecting. He was hurting, and so was she. He could tell as clearly as a beacon. He was so embroiled in his own emotions, and he reprimanded himself for it. He took a step back and for a moment became the calculating man that he was, separating him - as best he could - from his emotions.

It was clear neither of them had the answer, but there was one thing equally as clear to him.

You don't believe that, he said after a moment. His tone was now much more soft. Neither of us would be here screaming at each other if we believed that, he said as he stepped toward her. It was no small amount of effort to push aside the thought that she was leaving because it still stung, but he knew that he didn't want to throw "this" away either.

He reached out one of his hands and let it brush lightly against hers, his fingers gently touching her pinkie even though she wasn't looking at him. If she didn't push him away he would take her hand in his and lightly turn her toward him.

Look, I'm clearly not very good at this, but... we're still Tasha and Varyn, aren't we? he asked. He knew he probably should have ceded when she had first reached out to him, but in the heat of the moment he clearly hadn't. Not Emperor and busiensswoman, not enemies, not... his voice trailed off. ...we're just Tasha and Varyn, he said.

I can't promise you I'll be much better, but I don't want you to walk out of my life. Whatever this may be. If I did... I wouldn't have been so upset you were leaving, he admitted finally, though the words came out as more of a jumbled hodgepodge than a well-constructed sentence. If she chose to walk out now, he wouldn't stop her, but he certainly hoped that wouldn't be her decision.

 

[Tasha Blackwell]

Tasha said nothing as he flatly told her she didn’t believe it. She didn’t know what she believed. She always kept walls up, always kept everything under lock and key. There was never a reason to do anything differently, especially as she had seen the impacts on those that did so. She was a survivor, and that meant keeping herself distanced from others at all times. Varyn was no different than her in that regard, and that was perhaps what drew them to one another to begin with.

As he reached for her hand, she didn’t move away, though her gaze was still not on him. She was still reeling from their earlier exchanges, even as she felt the lightest touch against her hand. As she didn’t fight it, he grasped her hand and tugged her to look at him again. Tasha did so, though her eyes were still narrowed. He repeated her words back to her, a complete opposite of the cold and icy daggers he shot at her before.

His words about walking out of his life gave her pause. This was perhaps the most he had admitted since this entire strange dynamic began between them. Tasha didn’t pull back from him, but she also didn’t move closer. Her expression softened, though her walls were still up, “Why does walking away from the Empire mean walking away from you?”

She sighed, “This is precisely why I can’t stay. Being in the Empire...it becomes you...it becomes every fiber of your being till you forget who you are individually. I don’t want that to happen to me,” Tasha looked at him for a long moment, knowing that it was happening to him, and he couldn’t exactly pull out of it, “I’m not walking away from you. I never intended that. You’ll always know where to find me.”

 

[Varyn Rask]

He could see that she was still on the defensive. Her eyes were narrow, and her face was hard. The often-seen smile and soft, seductive features were replaced by someone filled with anger, confusion, and emotion. They weren't nearly as warm and inviting, but given what was happening, it wasn't a surprise. His demeanor had gone through its shifts as well.

He knew he couldn't argue her into staying, and he didn't really want to. While he wanted her to stay of her own free will, he knew that wasn't in the question anymore, so he let his mind linger on what she said instead: she would never be happy in the Empire.

He knew all too well that the Empire could become a person, and they both knew he was well on his way to that. He had given everything to the Empire, and he would continue to do so. Perhaps in selfishness he clung to her so strongly because he saw her as one of his last ties to being a person, but he knew he could never put something of that weight on her shoulders. Was all of his thought based on purely selfishness? He didn't think so because at the end of the day, he loved to see her happy, and he wanted that for her wherever she went.

I won't try to stop you, he finally said quietly. His other hand reached out to grasp hers so they were facing one another, hand in hand. I want you to build something spectacular, he said, and then he was silent a moment as if contemplating.

You know I can't go with you, he said, though it went without needing to be said. But I want there to be an "us," he said, and even as he said it, he didn't fully know what it meant. He knew he couldn't bear to see her walk out of his life. You're something to me that... no one else is, he said, struggling to find the right words to express what he was feeling.

 

[Tasha Blackwell]

He held both her hands in his, and she found it oddly comforting. For a moment, she simply stood there, her gaze lingering on his. When he spoke, however, her eyes widened. She was caught off guard, not having expected such a big statement. Her mind was buzzing with thoughts of the implications of those words - was he saying he wanted to be with her? That he wanted them to be together?

For a long moment, she said nothing, her heart beginning to pound against her chest. In the end, she closed her eyes and slowly exhaled before opening them again, “I would be nothing more than a liability for you, Varyn, you know that,” She said quietly, still surprised at his words. Did he truly know that was what he wanted? Was he simply trying hard to cling onto something because he was so afraid of losing it?

Tasha finally stepped towards him, moving closer now and knowing he wouldn’t push her away, “Allow it time. I want to venture forth and do this without any anchors, just as you need to step into your role as Emperor without binds,” She had never entertained the notion of a relationship before, mainly because she had never bothered to explore connections with others. This was all new and uncomfortable territory for her, and it would be some time before she was ready for it.

“Come find me whenever you wish,” Tasha smiled at him then, “But only if it’s as Varyn,” She leaned in closer to embrace him, burying her face into the crook of his neck. It was perhaps the closest she had gotten to him, and she found a lot of comfort in it. Tasha loved his warmth and the scent of him, committing all of it to memory.

It seemed like ages before she finally withdraw, and they would both know what came next. With another smile, she slowly drew back and made her way through those doors - leaving his office and the Empire at once.

 

[Varyn Rask]

Varyn knew immediately that he had made a mistake. The way she looked at him (or rather didn't look at him), let out a quiet exhale, and spoke quietly all pointed to him having put himself out there and for terrible results.

He was about to draw away. To pull back and release her hands. To finally lock off whatever small part of him had put himself out there to someone like he never had before. It was already beginning, and he could feel his cheeks flush and burn as embarrassment and a sense of foolishness set in.

But then she stepped toward him, and his "knowing" that he'd made a mistake was suddenly thrown into a tempest. Her words were warm and inviting, but not in a manufactured way that she might seduce someone. They had genuine emotion attached to them that he could feel as much as hear. She stepped in closer and embraced him, and the feeling was... peaceful. He wasn't sure if he'd ever truly embraced another person before, and the sensation was overwhelming. Her scent was clear, and the warmth of her body against his or the way her face buried in his neck was soothing in the best way. His arms reached around her and held her tightly, perhaps out of a fear of letting her go.

They stood like that for a time, and deep down Varyn didn't want it to end. He placed a gentle kiss into her hair, against the side of her head as they withdrew, and his heart was already aching to see her again. But he knew that he would. It would be quite different and strange. The dynamic would be shifted, but he would find her. When the time was right.

//Thread