Jace Carnait

Darth Nyne

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jacecarnaitjedi.jpg


Name: Jace Carnait
Faction: Civilian
Rank: Un-Trained Force Adept
Species: Human
Age: 14
Gender: Male
Height: 5'0"
Weight: 110 lbs
Eyes: Green
Hair: Black
Skin: White
Credits: 1000
Distinguishing Marks: None
Dominate Hand: Ambidextrous
Force Sensitive: Yes

Strength: Low
Dexterity: High
Constitution: High
Intelligence: High
Wisdom: Low
Charisma: Medium

Force Powers:
Enhanced Senses (Low Ability)

Skills:
Piloting Freight Crafts, Decent with a blaster pistol, partially trained with a vibroblade.

Lightsaber Forms:
None Yet

Strengths and Weaknesses:
Strengths, Force-Sensitive, Blaster Pistol Training, Able Pilot, Ability to talk his way out of trouble.
Weaknesses, Untrained in the Force, slim training with Vibroblade not very good, Naive from youth.

Gear:
DL-18 Blaster Pistol, Vibroblade, Black Vest, Red Long-Sleeve Shirt, Black Pants, Freighter Pilot License.

Ships:
None Yet.

Pets:
Female Corellian Slice Hound named Inaera after his sister.

Personality:
Kind but a bit Arrogant, and head-strong, always ready for a fight when the opportunity arises

History:
Firstborn of Devlin Carnait III, and Stara Lu'hee in Coronet, Corellia was never enough for him. Even at a young age he'd decided he wanted to see the rest of the galaxy. It was probably sometime between the move out of the city at age 5 and the death of his younger sister Inaera, when he was 10, that he'd finally decided that he was going to get off the rock. Was it was the relatively new farm life that had kept him annoyed, the chores, harvesting the crops, or caring for the Spats (Carrion Spats), it all seemed to drive him completely nuts. More likely the final straw that sent him into a need for self-exile was the death of Inaera. He had done so much to help her as she grew, 3 years his younger, by the time he was 5 he was learning to help with her, and with the move to the farm became they were the only friends they had. The often played Jedi as many children did, dreams of being Revan and saving the Republic from the Darth Malak, like the old holos showed. It was during one of these play sessions that they had been undercover Rebel operatives, specifically Jace playing as Revan, and Inaera pretending to be Bastilla, that they were split up. It was three days later that they found Inaera, the 7 year old girl had been assaulted and killed in a Gurrcat attack, Jace would never be the same, eventually taking on a Slicehound pet for their love of chasing the felines off of cliffs.

He'd implored his father to start teaching him to fly on the old Skyhopper he kept in the poll barn, to no avail until he was 11 years old, when he finally got him to start showing him the controls, though his father wasn't putting forth the real effort it would take, so he began pushing the limits in the evenings and when his parents went on holiday.

It was then that he started searching for someone to alter his age, he knew he'd have to be 16 in order to get a freighter license and begin working for one of the local companies. He met with refusal after refusal and was about to give up when, at age 12, someone finally agreed. He'd said that he could get him an ID as long as he was willing to work for his boss, running glitterstim out of Tatooine. Jace didn't see that he had a choice, if he wanted off the rock he had to do it, figuring he'd get his chance to get out once he had the credits for his own ship and his own life. He spent the next two years running from Tatooine to all corners of the Galaxy, dodging Sith Patrols and edging himself to each personal victory a finished run gave him. Though by his calculations all he'd managed to save up, after meals, fuel, and paying off his employer, was 1000 credits.

Kills:
None Yet

Dueling Ring Matches:
None Yet

Grand Tournament Matches:
None Yet

RP’s:
Dragon's Nest (Finished)
The Game of Death (Finished)
Keeping the Peace (Finished)

Extras: He is an undiscovered force-sensitive youth, though the creator is willing to have him discovered and trained in the ways of the Jedi or Bendu.
 
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OneoftheLost

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Hmm.. well I guess Ill review this.

(its not required, but it lets you know where you stand.)

First thing. History. Alot of the members here like a long, detailed history, May I suggest talking about how he was raised? why would he want to leave corellia? things like that can easily hit several paragraphs, and thats how we like it, lets us know who the charector is and what to expect from him during an RP.

other than that, great start.
 

Darth Nyne

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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(OneoftheLost @ Sep 13 2007, 01:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
Hmm.. well I guess Ill review this.

(its not required, but it lets you know where you stand.)

First thing. History. Alot of the members here like a long, detailed history, May I suggest talking about how he was raised? why would he want to leave corellia? things like that can easily hit several paragraphs, and thats how we like it, lets us know who the charector is and what to expect from him during an RP.

other than that, great start.[/b]

Thanks for the suggestions, give me a couple days to get a bit of the story together and I will edit it.

Better? or should I dig a little bit more into his youth?
 

OneoftheLost

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Much better, curious, it doesnt explain his sister's death, where they close? How did she die? What does his father do? Does he live on a farm? These are all things that help explain the charectors knowledge and personality, Nature Vs. Nurture if you will.

A lil' more on the childhood wouldn't hurt at all.
 

OneoftheLost

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O_O

Do you want me to get Grim in here?

I can if you want.......

'sides have you seen my profiles... they are for lack of a better term. "Teh suck." I want his to be better than those.
 

Darth Nyne

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ok I think that should make it nice, a little more detail on why he left, and how he ended up with his pet.
 

Dexington

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Way to go. More Jace's are always a good thing.

Welcome.
 

Darth Nyne

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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Gudomligheten Inom @ Sep 13 2007, 08:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
Way to go. More Jace's are always a good thing.

Welcome.[/b]
LoL thank you, I saw that after making the character, it's actually a name that I've used on and off for in one way shap or form, for characters for about 3 or 4 years now :thumbup:
 

Ser Gregor

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One thing, he wouldn't be able to be a Bendu, as he'd have to have grown up on Kal'Shabbol to become one.
 

Green Ranger

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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(OneoftheLost @ Sep 13 2007, 05:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
Do you want me to get Grim in here?

I can if you want.......[/b]

You rang? Mwahahahaha..........
 

Darth Nyne

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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Nexus @ Sep 15 2007, 02:14 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
One thing, he wouldn't be able to be a Bendu, as he'd have to have grown up on Kal'Shabbol to become one.[/b]
Yeah I saw that after I set the profile, but I'm fine with him becoming a Jedi I just want him to be found not have to seek the Jedi out, because he is unaware of his potential, he only thinks his enhanced sense ability is luck. I wouldn't even argue with some time training as a Sith, but his kind heartedness would not keep him there for good.<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Nydia Sebek @ Sep 13 2007, 03:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
Oneofthelost is demanding isn't he? ;)[/b]
Demanding, yes, but I enjoy the criticism it only makes me better.
 

OneoftheLost

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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Grim @ Sep 15 2007, 01:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
You rang? Mwahahahaha..........[/b]


Ok you think I am demanding? Look at this man. Grim will definatly offer some criticism. He tends to ..."review" profiles.

:p

ooh yeah.

In my opinion the profile is getting much better. Also seems you are getting active with him, and that by far, is the most important part.
 

Darth Nyne

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Demanding is a good thing, demanding is what got me through school, it's what's got the profile to the level it's at, and the more that people offer up ideas for what other details I should dig into the wider my imagination runs, it gives me a better idea of what level of detail is expected of me and makes both the profile and his character better, which makes his RP better
 

Green Ranger

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Blame Oneofthelost, he got me in here.

You've got 'form profile' up the top still.

Ambidextrous! RARGH!

Third of all, you're probably going to have problem with a character this young, as most characters are at least 20. Plus, at that age, you can't really get involved in anything that epic, as you kind of have to ask your parents first.

'Mommy, can I go save the galaxy?'

'Not until you've finished your vegetables!'

See what I mean? :wink:

Stats are good, nice and balanced enough I suppose.

Piloting freighters, being a marksman and knowing how to use a vibroblade at the age of fourteen is a bit unrealistic when you're a civilian. Again, age is the main issue here, as I don't think under-ages would really be allowed much experience with a blaster.

Strengths and weaknesses is good, no lightsabers forms, gear is fine I suppose, and ships is non applicable due to lack of owning one.

I'd flesh out the personality a bit more. Saying he's arrogant and headstrong basically describes 50% of the characters out there. I'm a fan of the personality quirk (which i'm adding in my rewrites, btw). What makes your character a little different to others? Does he collect bugs? A strange eating habit? Maybe he is a practitioner of a strange religion, or he has an annoying habit of mimicing others? Personality quirks are useful in that they give your character depth without being really helpful nor detrimental. For example, Tyrn Lightell, my Jedi character, is afraid of Wookies. Yep, he's never met a wookie in his life, but he's scared of them. But its not quite their stature or even their strength that he's scared of - Tyrn is very paranoid about disease. In his line of work as Count of Serenno, if he's shown to be ill, then the public can see it as weakness and his rivals will start plotting against him. So a lot of his Jedi training involved healing trances and the such, so he never appears weak. It's not a very helpful thing, but it adds depth.

I think that's it, because I cbf reading the history. Maybe i'll do it a bit later.
 

Phil

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Well, there you have it, Folks. Another Genuine Grim Profile Review!
 

Darth Nyne

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Hehe well I appreciate it, and aside from the age, he's not living at home he's running illegal goods for outside contractors under his assumed age on his Freight Liscense, that's where he's learned to deal with a blaster and gotta remember Luke was 19 when he got into the thick of it, and he was a decent shot with a blaster and pilot. I'd say he started at around 14-15, and I didn't intend for him to seem to be a marksman just that he could shoot, and defend a bit with a vibrosword. But other than the age I will look into the details and see what I can work out, I especially like the part about a personality quirk and I will definitely try and come up with something interesting for that. Ambidextrious is chosen because it is my intent to have him learn the Jar'Kai LS Form if he gets into one of the ordres.
 
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