I need help with my character.

[Tx635]

NAME: Gomir Thoss
FACTION: The Jedi knights
RANK: Jedi Knight
SPECIES: Bith
Home world: Clak’dor VII
AGE: 35
GENDER: male
Languages: Basic, Bith,
FORCE SENSITIVE: Yes

APPEARANCE:
Gomir is an average sized sized adult Bith male of a muscular build. He stands at 5’5” and weighs 150 lbs. Bomir also has yellow skin and the normal big black eyes for his race. He has several scars across his back and one on his right eye. He even has an identification tattoo on his left pec.
Gomir dresses in a white variant of the traditional Jedi apparel. Unlike most other beings Gomir likes these robe for both their style and comfort. The rest of his attire is standard for a Jedi, normal and plain.

ATTRIBUTES:
As for his attributes Gomir is fairly different from an average Bith. He is physically and mentally strong. He is able to bench 1.5x his weight in an average bench press.
He is also considered a genius by almost anyone in the galaxy. He is very studied in both science and technology. Gomir is a great scientist and engineering expert.
Also being a force sensitive Gomir can use it in many ways to help people. One of his best ways to use the force is in his ability to meditate and improve his connection with the force.

• Strength- 70%
• Speed- 60%
• Force ability- 75%
• Hand to hand- 30%
• Athletics- 55%
• Lightsaber skill- 58%
• Intelligence: 80%

PERSONALITY:
Gomir is different from others of his race in personality. He is strong willed and isn't afraid to speak his mind. He is kind, outgoing, and easygoing. He likes to study, play music, and practice his skills and abilities in almost every aspect of his skills and abilities he can.
He is also detect and to the point when he needs to be but is also playful and funny almost all of the time. As an ex slave Gomir is very opposed to it, and would like to if given the opportunity to destroy slavery he would. Gomir also loves music and enjoys to play for children.

BIOGRAPHY:
Born Gomir Thoss on Clak’dor VII around 1035 BBY. Gomir was born through the computer mating service like all of his species do to their lack of reproductive ability. It was not until Gomir was 5 that he was kidnaped by slave traders and sold into slavery. Gomir was bought by a wealthy female Twi’lek named Oyilsujar on the planet __.
It was during this time he was trained to be an engineer and scientist to help other scientists learn about, invent and create new technology to give to the Sith. During this time he would be beaten but he never fully gave in to them and planned an escape. At the age of 20, after 15 years of being a slave Gomir finally escaped from the iron fist of his owner.
After traveling for a year playing music in cantinas and doing odd jobs Gomir was approached by a jedi who sensed he was for sensitive. After talking with this Jedi he decided to join the jedi order. After joining the order Gomir learned how to use and hone the force, and quickly became a master at the age of 34. After achieving the rank of knight Gomir was given a Durindfire crystal by his master.
In the year from becoming a knight and the start of the war Gomir trained extensively to be stronger because of a vision his master had of a coming war.

SKILLS:
Gomir has a wide variety of skills. He is good at playing music on a few instrument. Also since Gomir is a Bith he can go into a trance like state instead of sleeping, in which state he is able to tell what he is doing and what is happening. Also an expert force user Gomir can do multiple different techniques such as the abilities to increase his physical abilities, use telecanesisis, and even read minds but he does not like using the latter.
By far Gomir is also a skilled duelist. His Form is based on the use of the forms of IV, V and VI mostly. He is a great duelist also combining his saber skill with his force use to be more versatile in a fight.

GEAR:
As for equipment Gomir does not have much. He carries His rare silver bladed lightsaber
which is his most prized possession. He also owns a Dorenian Beshniquel which he like to play for children in his free time.
Gomir does not have any other gear that is worth noting because of his adherence to the way of the jedi.

ROLE-PLAYS:
N/A

RELATIONSHIPS:
Parents- Unknown but possibly alive- Gomir has not been to his home
Master- alive- Gomir looks back at his time as the best years of his life and would do anything for him.

SHIP:
N/A

DROIDS:
N/A

PETS:
N/A

KILLS:
N/A

COMBAT:
N/A

 

[Reya Starlyght]

I don't have time tonight to do a full review, but right off the bat I see two things.

Number one, you don't have a picture. I would recommend you find or commission a picture for your character. It's a lot easier and more visual then describing them with words.

Number two, your stats. Most people don't use percentages they use blank/10. Also, remember to also describe the traits with words too.

This is just a quick glance of the profile, and besides the adding more words to stats these aren't required. I'll be able to review this better tomorrow.

 

[Gamov]

Alright, so the first thing that jumped out at me upon reading this profile was this line:

"He is also considered a genius by almost anyone in the galaxy."

And that pretty much set the tone for the rest of the profile.

Not only is saying anyone in the galaxy will immediately recognize him as a genius awfully presumptuous, but it really doesn't provide much potential for character growth - and this is only compounded by making him "a great duelist". So he's brainy, an engineering expert, a lightsaber dueling savant in the works, and can "improve his connection to the Force" through meditation. That last one in particular really got me as feeling a little sketchy. What does he "improve" about his connection, exactly? Does he gain any special powers that he otherwise wouldn't have access to? Can he enhance existing abilities to beyond their normal thresholds? Can he suddenly see into the future?

On the surface, this guy doesn't have much for weaknesses. From my perspective, I see a Jedi who had a rough past, but now he's a Jedi Master in the making. There's a great deal of disconnect I'm feeling between the two ideas as there doesn't seem to be much development from Point A to Point B.

Expanding a bit on what @Reya Starlyght has already said, percentages for your skills are really very arbitrary and subjective at best. There's no baseline by which to compare them, so saying 75% in the Force doesn't really mean much. By far the best way to go about covering your character's skills and abilities is to go the literary route and explain what their skills/powers are - and why they excel in those certain areas. I don't normally tell people to do this, but if you need an example of what I'm talking about here, take a look at my Sith. Rather than applying stats or percentages, I've explained what her strengths and weaknesses are, and why. Doing something similar will really help people get a better understanding of your character's capabilities than throwing out some numbers will.

His personality is also a little scarce, and only seems to list his most prominent traits without much rhyme or reason as to why. The key to having a deep personality for any character is to figure out what motivates them, and why. Finding out who they had in their lives and their influences on them really helps to inform a sense of purpose beyond just "I'm a Jedi because the Sith are evil." - or - "I'm a Sith because I want power!". For example, ask yourself what his owner was like, what they did to him specifically that helped to shape his mentality as a child and adolescent. How did he escape his owner? Did he do it himself? Did he have help? Who helped him and why? What was his Jedi mentor like?

Those are just some of the questions that help you build a believable personality.

And I'm actually going to stop there because it's late and I should be sleeping instead of trolling the internet at ungodly hours in the morning. Hopefully that helps you get an idea what where to go in making this character into something great, though.