"Who could forget the notorious kidnapping of the ISC's President, Emryc Thorne? The news story that gripped the hearts and pocketbooks of the galaxy for days. Citizens of not only the ISC but the New Republic and the Free Worlds Alliance waited with baited breath, anxious for an announcement regarding the President's safety and well being. Jedi and Sector Rangers alike thrust themselves into the hunt for the missing politician. In a public holonet appearance, syndicate members claimed to have kidnapped the President, holding him against his will. For his release? A ransom of ten million credits was demanded. Emryc Thorne's fan club started a fundraiser to pay for the ransom, while the ISC's Secretary of Defense dulled out an undisclosed amount of taxpayer's crowns to meet the kidnapper's demands. Members of the Emryc Thorne fan club were fired upon by Mandalorians, countless left dead. This was the spectacle surrounding the President's kidnapping, and it's just the tip of the iceberg.
"What if I told you that your beloved President, known for his humanitarian work with ISCRA, for his healthy lifestyle and fitness routine, beloved by many and desired by many more, is hiding a dark secret? A dark secret that he would stop at nothing to keep from the public. A secret that would destroy the public image he's so carefully crafted. A secret that involves one of the largest modern day cover ups to date—a counterfeit kidnapping, millions of taxpayer crowns, and a trail of lies as long and slimy as a Hutt. This is the expose of Emryc Thorne's darkest secret, made public for the first time.
"And the man responsible for uncovering this dark secret, this web of lies that resulted in the deaths of multiple Emryc Thorne fans? None other than Doctor Derrière, a Coruscanti doctor known for working with the planet's celebrities, politicians, and upper echelon. In a new, tell-all book entitled, Emryc Thorne's Secret Silicon Valley, Doctor Derrière reveals exactly what happened on that fateful day when President Thorne went 'missing.' Emryc Thorne was never kidnapped, ladies and gentlemen—he was secretly tucked away in a hospital on Coruscant receiving BUTT IMPLANTS!"
Elora Trevino turned toward the doctor, and the camera panned over until they were both in frame. "Thank you for joining us, Doctor. Emryc Thorne's Secret Silicon Valley releases in bookstores across the galaxy tomorrow, is that correct?"
"That is correct," Doctor Derrière answered, a well-dressed man, balding and with glasses.
"And you claim that President Thorne was never kidnapped? That he faked his own disappearance and kidnapping, just to cover up the fact that he was receiving butt implants?"
The doctor shifted in his seat. "Yes," he nodded, "But we prefer the term 'gluteal augmentation.'" He held up two different pictures, both of them enlarged and featuring the President's rear end. "As you can see, there's a considerable difference between these two pictures. One is much larger than the other. Incontestable proof that the President underwent gluteal augmentation. And for the skeptics out there, I present a plethora of evidences in my book."
"I see," Elora nodded along, trying to keep a straight face as she stared at images of the President's butt. "And you performed this surgery yourself? Tell me, Doctor, why would a man like President Thorne go to such great lengths to cover up a cosmetic surgery? Faking a kidnapping of all things? Paying millions of credits off to his supposed 'kidnappers?'"
"President Thorne's image is built upon health and fitness—clean living, as it were. It's why he has such a large following on social media."
"And why have you waited so long to come forward about this?"
"I refrained, out of respect for President Thorne's privacy. But after that massacre on Mandalore, it has weighed heavily upon my mind. I can not sit by idly any longer, watching the general public believe a lie."
"Thank you for your time, Doctor Derrière. I, for one, will be purchasing a copy of your book first thing in the morning. Until next time, this is Elora Trevino with Celebrity Catch."