Ask Tatooine Cooling the Uncoolable

[Varyn Atrix]

Padawans weren't allowed to go on "missions" alone, but this wasn't really a mission. Being the good Padawans that they were, Varyn and Zana were on a supply run for the Jedi Order, bringing back crops from the Outer Rim for delivery to a world in need.

Of course they weren't the ones doing the piloting of the freighter, which was left to a pilot who didn't seem to like to interact with anyone and a very, very prissy quartermaster droid who Varyn was convinced hated children.

When the ship had set down on Tattooine, Varyn had wanted nothing more than to get out of the ship and manage to get away from breathing the same proverbial air as "T4-M3."

Of course, as soon as he stepped out of the ship, he was immediately stifled by the heat, letting out a uuuuugh as he immediately shed the outermost layer of his robes. He was pretty sure he was already sweating long before they made it anywhere that the pair of Padawans might find food.

Couldn't we have stopped somewhere nicer like Manaan. Or Hoth, he muttered grumpily under his breath. Anything would have been better than this bone-dry desert.

 

[Zana Ari]

Zana shared the same sentiments as she stepped out onto the planet. The air was oppressively hot, and she began to profusely sweat already. Nevertheless, anything was better than spending another moment with the grumpy pilot and droid.

She blinked a few times to allow her eyes to adjust to the incredibly bright twin suns. With her core temperature a bit higher than most humanoids, she was especially struggling with the weather. Zana looked down at her datapad grumpily, wiping some sweat off her forehead.

“Okay so the farm is about 10 kilometers from here,” She read off the datapad and looked up, “Why the heck did we get dropped off here then?” Her question disappeared into the air as their transport casually took off into the atmosphere behind them. Zana looked up with a very blank, unamused expression.

“All right, I’m going to a cantina,” She began to walk with purpose, “I’ve always wanted to try blue milk!” Zana said excitedly.

It was clear right away that she had very little desire to do that 10 KM hike just yet. Apparently the supplies in question were far away and needed to be transported on the backs of eopies.

 

[Varyn Atrix]

Ten?! he gasped in disbelief as he moved over next to her to look down at the datapad. Sure enough... ten kilometers. He'd been hoping she was wrong, and he was pretty sure they were definitely going to die of dehydration long before they got the supplies back. The Jedi Order had just sent them out here to die.

As he pushed the overly dramatic thoughts out of his head, he turned to look up at the freighter that now took off through the air, leaving them behind.

They really did leave us here to die, he said, mouth hanging slightly agape in disbelief. This day just kept getting better.

On the bright side, she brought up a good point: they could go do whatever they wanted. Not that the pair of Padawans had a lot of money on them, but they had enough for some basic supplies.

Onward! he agreed, heading off in the direction of the cantina. The door slid open and the smell of smoke hit them before anything else. He cleared his throat momentarily but pressed onward, determined not to flinch in the face of... this place.

The place was quite packed, music was blaring, and pretty much everyone in here looked like they wanted to kill and/or eat them. His eyes started to dart around slightly shiftily and he grabbed a menu from the bar and took a seat at one of the tables. Yeah, he could just feel the grime on this menu. He'd have killed for some hand sanitizer right now.

Might as well get some food, too, he said, clearly equally as disinterested in making the hike out. He ordered "the Bantha Special" off the menu, which seemed to be every type of breakfast meat one could imagine, eggs, and griddlecakes. What wasn't to like?

 

[Zana Ari]

“To die?” She repeated with a brow raised, “Don’t be dramatic, dude,” She grinned, “Just means we can take our sweet time.”

She walked into the cantina and immediately scrunched up her nose. Zana had no idea why she habitually kept running into situations with horrible BO, but this was yet another one. The cantina was packed to the brim and she felt her lekku brush against the sweaty armpit of a Gamorrean as she walked. Resisting the urge to gag, she swiftly followed Varyn to a table, plopping down with a grumpy look on her face.

“This entire planet is sticky,” Zana declared moodily before she looked down at the menu, “Eww, most of this looks like rodents…” She went to order a blue milk, but paused, blinking a few times. Zana looked at him with wide eyes.

“There is no drinking age here!” She said with a gasp, looking down at the menu and then up at him. Entirely giddy, she flagged over a waitress and pointed to the menu, “Uh yes, I’d like a..Bespin Breeze!” She said excitedly before letting Varyn order something.

Once that arrived, along with some snacks, Zana took a sip, “This doesn’t taste like alcohol!” She quickly took a larger sip.

 

[Varyn Atrix]

Might as well be dead on this planet, he grumbled back. He could practically feel her desire to gag as the nasty-looking Gamorrean who Varyn could smell from here bumped into her.

He looked down at the menu as she exclaimed that it was all rodents. I bet once it's baconized it still tastes good, he said. As long as it was meat and cooked he wasn't particularly picky, though he was sure that if he put that to the test long enough he would find his limits.

He watched as she eagerly ordered a drink he'd never heard of and ordered himself an excessively sugary soda that was his greatest weakness. Yes, he was drinking soda with breakfast food.

He started munching as the drinks and snacks were brought over, a lump of bread that he was pretty sure was stale two weeks ago and some butter that was the only redeeming quality. He took a bite of the bread, having to tear at it like an angry predator before he could finally tear a bite free.

Holy poodooo, he said, chewing on it until his jaw started to get sore. She seemed thoroughly unsatisfied with her drink and he started to laugh as she realized it wasn't actually alcoholic.

Either you ordered something non-alcoholic or the bartender decided that you looked too young and gave you a virgin anyway just to troll you, he said, grinning widely.

His food arrived a few moments later and the waiter asked if everything was okay mostly out of obligation. His heart definitely wasn't into it.

With a mouth full of rat bacon and eyes practically glowing with excitement, he nodded emphatically. It's great! he said.

He turned back to Zana in hushed tone. I have a feeling if we have to rent some animals they're going to try to rip us off, he said. We need to be careful not to let them try to rob us. We can't look desperate, he suggested, an appropriately vague and therefore worthless statement.

 

[Zana Ari]

Zana shrugged as she placed the drink down, “You’re probably right. My only measure of telling if something is alcoholic is if it tastes bad,” She said sheepishly. The drink likely was alcohol free - it wasn’t like she was convincing at all to be of age. Even without age restrictions, most bar staff didn’t want to deal with drunk teens.

Like Varyn, Zana struggled with bread. She opted to tear it with her hand instead, yanking a piece so hard the back of her fist collided with a passerby. The tall man growled at her and had a few choice words before he kept walking. Zana looked back at Varyn with wide eyes. People here were so mean. Thelian would probably fit right in.

Once the waiter came by, Zana remained silent since she was still chewing for a few minutes. She took another swig of her very fruity drink as Varyn mentioned renting animals. Zana looked around suspiciously before leaning closer towards him across the table.

“I hear there’s a krayt dragon lair not too far from here,” She said quietly with a grin, “Wanna go check it out?”

 

[Varyn Atrix]

Varyn looked up wide-eyed at the man Zana had accidentally hit, hoping that it wasn't going to cause an incident that involved hitting or blasters and sabers coming out. That would have been a bad start and this seemed like the kind of planet where it would happen.

Fortunately, after a few moments, the man moved on. Varyn continued to wolf down his food, looking up with wide eyes and eyebrows raised as Zana mentioned a Krayt dragon. He swallowed a mouthful of pancake and nodded emphatically.

Heck yes, he said. Do you know where it is? he asked excitedly. He started eating even faster and cleaned his plate off within a few moments.

Let's go! he said, getting up and tossing some credits from his pouch down for the food. Oh man, this is going to be awesome, he muttered though it wasn't clear whether it was to her or to himself.

He headed for the door and then as soon as he stepped outside remembered why they had gone in in the first place. It was still dreadfully hot out here. Ugh, he grumbled, head recoiling slightly in discomfort.

Morums Animal Emporium, he said, reading the sign down the street. If you could even call this sand lane a "street."

I wonder how they keep them watered out here, he said aloud, heading in the direction and spotting a Rodian working just inside the gates.