Boarding Party [BHG]

[Milk]

Space is a vacuum. Lara knew this to be true. Despite that truth, the bounty huntress found no excuse for it to SUCK. Stuck in a ship for three weeks can do stuff to people, especially people who don't have Jetflix and are dying to known what happens to Bojack Norseman and the rest of the Valhollywoo gang. Despite this creeping boredom, Lara found a few choice ways to occupy herself, currently her favorite was climbing around the ventilation.

Despite the cramped structure of the ship a strange design choice was made to make must of the vents human sized, either this was to make them easy to maintain or perhaps the maker just really liked heist movies. Either way the tubes provided a much needed sense of privacy and lovely napping spots for many weeks. While this act annoyed some, others found it mildly amusing to hear calls for dinner followed by excited metallic shuffling up above. Most everyone found it amusing when she crashed through onto the mess one night, everyone except the captain. Now Lara isn't allowed up there anymore.

This setback for the bored Lara hardly mattered in the end as they grew close to their destination. From the three sentences of the dossier that Lara bothered to read, their mission would involve a large space battle and then a boarding action where many shots would be fired into people with families and friends. After these people are turned into burning husks, they were supposed to capture some people and make sure they were dead...no wait...alive...yeah that one.

Mildly confident in her grasp on the plan, Lara grabbed her dossier and promptly threw it across her cramped quarters as she grabbed the things hidden underneath. Putting on her coat and equipping her grappling guns, Lara moved to the armory where her weapons were being held. This was a formality laid out especially for Lara as her behavior was deemed in the captain's words 'stupid' and he didn't want to lose sleep wondering what Lara could do with a smoke screamer in a vent in the middle of space where no one could hear you scream except when you're a smoke screamer apparently.

Having gotten her things, Lara made her way to the bridge to reveal the battle just now starting. Ships exploded as flashes of red, blue, and green, filled the black nebula with beautiful color. It was quite captivating, but Lara was pulled away by need of a small brief before the trio set aside for this task would be shot in individual boarding ships to make landing and get this party started. She was told they were being put in separate pods as there was only a 66% chance of them landing safely so it was somewhat likely that one of them would explode before they even got to the ship. Lara cursed herself for failing to update her will, but then reminded herself she had no money, no family, and fewer friends.

Thoroughly depressed, Lara looked over at her comrades and gave a warm smiling to hide the crippling emotional debt her personality economy would soon be unable to pay interest on. Luckily she had a strong credit rating and could continue to get emotional loans through drugs and alcohol indefinitely. So yeah everything was gonna work out. Brief finished as the boring guy stopped saying his dumb words and Lara cheered,

"Let's go do the thing!"

with that the trio was ushered to their pods and aimed kinda where their target was. The targeting guy was supposedly trained for this, but he just flubbed the homework and slept with the teacher so it was a crapshoot. Actually the re-purposed tubes they were in were once for ships sewage so it was literally a crapshoot. Now to see what would happen once shit hit the fan, Lara tensed in excitement as she felt the call of the void.

"Ain't no party like a boarding party cause a boarding party don't stop!" she said on repeat as she flew past bafflingly fast fighters, bombers, and huge corvettes all dueling for control of the endless black of space. As she approached the ship before her Lara smiled, "Guess I'm one of the lucky 66%!" she exclaimed as she smashed into the ships window.

 

[Eddie]

Lara was a little bit...odd to say the least. She did, however, make the voyage a quite bit more interesting. The objective was simple enough--take the head honchos of the frigate alive. Double if they captured the frigate intact. Now achieving that objective--that would be nearly a miracle. Surviving this suicide mission will be a miracle, Isaac thought wryly as Lara looked over towards him and 8D3. A very well-paying miracle, though. As they were escorted to the pods Isaac gazed through the plastisteel at the chaos above the planet. He would much rather be aboard The Nomad right now, but the boarding capsules were much more effective in this situation. Still, Isaac made sure Moses, his ship's AI, kept The Nomad nearby enough.

"Ain't no party like a boarding party cause a boarding party don't stop!" Was Lara really repeating that at the top of her lungs, or was it a recording? Isaac couldn't help laughing as his pod screamed towards the capital ship. This was insanity, but very familiar insanity. Isaac's pod was nearly crushed as it barely skimmed in through the window behind Lara's as the emergency seal slammed shut.

"Well, let's get at it," Isaac muttered over his communicator as he prepared to drop a flash grenade out of his pod, waiting for the other two to indicate they were ready to move.

@Melomex
@Milk

 

[Melomex]

8D3 lumbered with the group to his pod, making sure he put fuel in his flamethrower this time. 8D3 didn't speak like his fellow hunters, he just stared, his usual blank stare. He was a droid of very few words, and sometimes even very few thoughts.

8D3 ducked into the pods small door, the doors closing behind him with a hiss, followed by silence as the pod ejected and raced towards the ship. The silence was broken by Lara saying something over the comms that 8D3 didn't quite catch. Something about parties? Why would one talk about parties before their potential demise? 8D3 didn't know. The loud fleshy one sure did like to talk.

 

[Milk]

As Lara smashed into the window and was ejected from her pod, the bounty huntress remembered a move Diva Tumi taught her, it was called the Tumblr. It was like a tumble, but you yell TRIGGERED at the top of you lungs and shoot any cis white males you can see. Rolling across the ground, Lara found herself in complete darkness as she found her over eager pod had launched her into some sort of closet. As coming out of closets was the tumblr way, Lara swiftly kicked the door open and came upon three men playing a very serious game of go fish.

"TRIGGERED!" she shouted as she ended their lives with swift violent death caused by gun culture.

"Got any being alives?!" she inquired of the remaining corpses, "DIDN'T THINK SO!"

Having secured this small part of the ship, Lara tuned into her encyclopedic knowledge of this particular ship's interior and then recalled she attended exactly zero of the briefings and barely had a semblance of why she was even on this vessel. She may have just killed three peace keepers protecting the princess of Alderaan on a diplomatic mission, or hell maybe she killed three enemies of the state and the princess was part of the rebel alliance and a traitor...what was I talking about?

"Tumblr guide me," she beseeched, but this shrill genderless goddess did not answer so she called upon the other style of combat she knew Facebook, created by the jedi Jessie Eisenberg and his friend The Amazing Spiderman. Unfortunately there was a fallout and several lawsuits over the paternity of their lovechild the green goblin so we may never know who won the rowing competition between the Winklevoss twins and their rival Rhino.

Far off on a distant world a drunken young man lies upon a couch holding his face in shame

"Oh god it's just reference after reference, there is not even a narrative structure. What am I doing with my life?!"

Now back to the action

Lara swiftly burst into a hallway gun drawn pointing it at a passing patrol,

"Do you consent that your personal information will be taken and sold so that you can play Farmville?!"

This legally binding statement confused her would be enemies until she had the chance to shoot them several times in the head as is the standard practice for Gorilla shooting and the main strategy within the LAPD handbook. The last thing that went through their heads besides bolts were more bolts and then more bolts after that. Moving off to the side hallway Lara touched her earpiece that connected her comms to her fellow mission people and said,

"Echo niner delta charlie zulu bravo pizza pizza pizza mozarella artichoke,"

This of course meant nothing, but now Lara was hungry. Off in the cock pit the resident bad guys had intercepted their comms and the communications officer stared agape into the void of space as he translated it,

"Dear force...they have a practitioner of tumblr aboard,"

Everyone of the bridge checked their weapons, their wills, and most importantly,

their privilege.

 

[Eddie]

Securing their immediate surroundings had been fairly easy, the flash grenade had stunned a couple of sentries right outside of Isaac's pod, and his blaster had made short work of them. As Lara was spouting off nonsense and shooting people Isaac quickly found a terminal in the far-off corner of the next room over to jack in to. "Just one moment, ladies and gents," Isaac muttered softly to the others. Isaac plugged his datapad directly into the terminal and began typing. The encryption algorithm used aboard the ship was just a commercial one, very easy to crack. These pirates might have been murderers and warriors from all over the galaxy, but their cryptography was amateur at best. Isaac quickly navigated to engineering, pulling current ship schematics and defenses. Next would be security, where the strength and capabilities of the current crew onboard would help determine the best course of action.

Isaac sent this information to the other two bounty hunters' datapads. "Okay, automated defense systems only consist of blast doors and autoturrets. I'm in control of the doors and turrets now. As for the crew--they have a lot of firepower and most of the security crewmembers' quarters are located just aft of the bridge. And we'll have to pass through the middle of it to get to the bridge where our acquisitions are currently located. Any ideas?" Isaac inquired as he reversed then cut power the ship's engines and weapons systems, leaving the frigate suspended silently in the black void, surrounded by chaos.

@Milk
@Melomex

 

[Melomex]

8D3 noticed an air vent up top, still roaring like a hungry rancor. He tore off the vent which landed on the metallic ground. *TWANG*. 8D3 grabbed the edge of the exposed vent and hoisted himself up, looking inside the air vents interior.

The vent went on for seemingly forever, darkness cutting off the end of the vent. 8D3 turned on a torch and shone it down the claustrophobic tunnel. The light barely lit the vent, the end of it was still shrouded with thick, murky darkness. 8D3 jumped down from the vent with another loud *TWANG* as his heavy metallic feet hit the ground. 8D3 turned to his comrades.

"Air vents" he said, gesturing towards a nearby vent.