Blood Red Skies

[Raz Solus]

She had murdered that village. She had nailed a dying old man to a pole in between his two sons that were also nailed to poles. It was a gruesome, sick display, and she only saw red as she did it. Raz only realized what she had done after the fact, and the level to which she lost control would haunt her for years. She would carry the burden, and she would know she was a monster herself.

The mantle of Mand’alor was getting to her. It was causing fractures and cracks in her. Everyone had expectations of her, an entire people looked to her to lead them, and she wanted nothing more than to hide away from it and just rest. She wanted to sleep for days and weeks and just forget the galaxy. She often found that escape with Leandros, but she saw the horror on his face once he saw what she had done to the village.

He had forgiven her. Of course he would. But she couldn’t forgive herself. She took time away and arrived on Concord Dawn’s moon, the place she often visited as the site of her old village that had been burned. The Sith had done to her people exactly what she had done to those villagers. Was she any better than them? The thought made her sick to her stomach.

Raz was back in the same place, next to the same graves. As usual, she was crouched down next to the one of her mother. She was in her armor fully, not bothering to take her helmet of this time. She ran a gloved hand through the sand, watching it flow like water between her fingers. The wind carried the grains of sand to the side before they dispersed entirely. She could hold onto those she cared about as easily as she could hold the sand. The bitter thought stayed with her, the weight of her actions pressing down heavily on her shoulders.

 

[The Eternal (?)]

Valentine stood a few hundred feet back from Raz, approaching silently with a practiced hand before he leaned against a tree with his hands in his pockets. The wind blew with some strength, the branches moving in the wind as leaves fell to the ground. He was dressed like a normal civilian, wearing just a simple jacket and pants as it helped with the breeze. Valentine's gaze was locked on Raz by the graves the entire time. He had no idea what brought him back, it had been years since he had left but there was an uncontrollable tug to pull him back that he always felt. Valentine was just aimlessly flying through the sector until he felt it, her signature, even after so much time had passed. There was a darkness floating around her and he could feel it, knowing what this place meant to her and thinking of reasons why she would return here. The sun was starting to set and cast a red overflow over the area, each gravestone having a shadow extend out from it and forming a twin.

Valentine sighed softly, realizing that he either should step forward then or just leave, standing there and staring wasn't doing anything. After a few seconds of contemplation, he found the courage and started to step forward, his feet still not making any sound as they were softly planted into the grass one after the other. Valentine stopped behind Raz again but closer this time, a couple of dozen feet between the two of them. His gaze traveled back to the nearby gravestones, making him think of all the deaths that were on his conscience well and more that he probably had a hand in with his departure. Despite being closer, Valentines throat was still closed up, not knowing what to say and more unable then anything else. He had hoped that despite going towards her signature that he wouldn't find her, giving him a reason just to turn back and head off the galactic map. It was illogical thinking but Valentine didn't know if he was ready to introduce himself yet.

But as Valentine stood there he realized it was Raz, the first connection he made that wasn't someone from his squad or a Rebel base. He still trusted her even after what he did and it wasn't something he could just shut off. It made him wonder if she hated him or was disgusted by him but she was the only person he could see. Valentine's gaze returned to the back of her head, taking a moment to collect himself before finally speaking, "Hey there Pip." It was her first call sign given to her by his team and it felt good coming out his mouth after so long. If Raz turned around she would find that Valentine had changed, appearing slimmer then before. He had certainly lost weight from no longer being in the active military but he was able to keep his muscular frame. Not only did he support a fuller beard than before but he had new scars as well, one splitting his right eyebrow in half, one on his left cheek and another that ran down his neck. There was most likely more down his torso but they were covered by his clothing. The biggest difference was his eyes, making appear older than what he already was and clearly have seen things. "It's been a long time."

 

[Raz Solus]

She was too consumed by her thoughts to hear anyone arriving behind her. Her mind was stuck on that village, thinking about the skies that were blood red just as they were today. She had risen, and now she was falling, and there was no way to stop it. Raz wasn’t someone that ever confided in others about her problems, and she rarely opened up to others. She came here instead, this or her secret place on Mandalore.

There was nothing but her thoughts and the soft brush of the wind against the sands. Raz gazed out over the endless seas of sand, thinking about how miniscule and small she truly was. For all the people that relied on her, she was only one person. She had all their hopes and dreams on her shoulders, and it was her burden to carry. Sometimes she felt as if she would collapse under the weight of it all, and she didn’t feel it as bad as she did today.

After a moment, she heard a voice. It was a voice she never expected to hear again. She thought it was a trick of her mind, perhaps an effect of her culminating sorrow. However, she slowly turned around, and she thought she saw a ghost. She hadn’t seen him in years, and he looked like a shell of who he once was. The last time they parted ways was in a ridiculous cantina surrounded by Jedi and Mandalorians after huge brawls took place. It was supposed to be a time to celebrate and enjoy, but it was one of the worst nights of her life. It was the night she knew she had to walk away from Val forever.

She hated him for that day. But time had alleviated some of the pain. Raz felt as if she had been kicked in the stomach upon seeing him again. Media reports had assumed him dead, and she found herself believing it too. Seeing him opened up old, raw wounds that she didn’t know were still bleeding. Raz said nothing for a long moment, the cold T visor helmet staring him in the face.

“Why are you here?” She said more sternly than she had meant. Raz wanted to scream at him, wanted to ask him a million questions and make so many demands. She had lost all those rights. She had walked away from him, and he had let it happen. Raz assumed he had ended up with the Jedi woman that so dramatically professed her love for him. That was where his heart ultimately was, and that was where that story ended. Why, then, was he here now?

 

[The Eternal (?)]

The breeze continued, flapping the tail of Valentine's jacket as he continued to stand there. He could feel the rush of emotions that went through her when she saw him. He was experiencing the same thing as well but he pushed it down deep otherwise it would threaten to knock his legs out from under him. Valentine was thankful that she was wearing her helmet, it made this easier for him not having to look at her actual face while doing this. He didn't know if he was ready for that just quite yet now that it was actually happening. Raz was silent for a moment before finally asking what he was doing there, something that he was asking himself at that moment. Valentine exhaled softly, "To be honest... I don't really know." He turned halfheartedly and pointed up in the sky, "I was just flying around and then... I felt your presence on this planet. I knew where you would be."

"I wanted to see you again. It's been a long enough time now." After that, Valentine didn't really know what to say to be quite honest. He thought if he had run across her that maybe they could at least pick up a normal conversation. With his gaze still remaining on Raz, he eventually just lowered himself into a crouch, running his hand through the sand as well just like she did. His gaze dropped down to it, watching his rough and calloused fingers comb through it easily. Valentine eventually lifted his head back to Raz, "Something happened. You only come here to punish yourself." Even though it had been years, he still remembered what she was like with perfect clarity. Even though he had just shown up out of the blue without a word, Valentine was already worrying about what happened with her, remembering how she used to be; maybe sullen but certainly fiery. Then again, a lot can happen in a few years.

"I hope it has nothing to do with your people." Valentine offered up after that, knowing much they meant to Raz and practically her beating heart. It's what Valentine always loved about her, she did everything for everyone else but herself. It was clear he didn't really know what else to say. Valentine had been in self-exile and with only himself, leaving his social skills more than lacking then what it previously was. There was a distance between them and he felt it now, it becoming much more apparent now that there were in each other's view. Valentine knew it could never be fully repaired and he would always regret that but what's done was done and he couldn't change the past.

 

[Raz Solus]

Felt her presence? Was she that easy to find? Every word he spoke stabbed a needle into her, and she despised it. Raz felt anger boil in her veins, felt as if her blood were bubbling beneath her skin. She suddenly felt uncomfortable in her armor, and she wanted to throw her helmet to the ground to escape this feeling. She said nothing for a moment, making no moves to close the distance between them.

“You don’t get to do that,” She said quietly, “You don’t get to just come out of nowhere and act like you care about what I’m going through. You don’t get to just come here and try to understand things that have nothing to do with you,” Raz felt her voice rising, but she reeled herself in. He was one of the only people that managed to truly hurt her. He hurt her without any weapons, and yet it cut deeper than any blade or saber ever could.

Raz turned away from him, biting her lip beneath the helmet, “I figured you went off and had your happy ending with that Jedi woman and dropped off the grid. Put your silly Jedi business aside,” Did he know that she had broken the alliance? Was he even involved in the war? Why did she even care? Raz turned away from him entirely, facing the setting sun ahead of herself.

The skies were blood red, almost matching the rich crimson of her armor. She didn’t even know what Val was to her anymore. It felt a discredit to him to simply call him an ‘ex-boyfriend’. She had opened up to him and dropped all her barriers, and it only stung her in the end. It had been foolish to think that she could ever be with a Jedi.

“What happened to you playing hero of the galaxy?”

 

[The Eternal (?)]

Valentine understood her sentiment and where she was coming from. Like she said he didn't deserve to come back after all this time and start to care for her even though he did. While he would have loved to argue the point, now wasn't the time or place and personally, he didn't think he would just have the energy for that. Just seeing Raz in the flesh was enough to knock the wind out of his lungs. Valentine felt her emotions churning underneath, practically seeping out of her as she was doing a poor job of trying to control. Raz managed to control the burst of anger that he felt in her and he was surprised she could considering what he had done. Valentine just went silent at that, bringing his gaze back to the sand as he dipped his fingers in it.

But when Raz brought up that he possibly ran off with the Jedi woman it made his gaze snap up towards her, his eyebrow arched as he was completely confused for a second. "What?" Valentine really didn't realize what she was talking about before then understanding that she was really talking about Leah. He barely remembered that then the memory dawned on him when a fight between him and some Mandalorian broke out while Raz took on Leah by the bar. Then that's when Leah just suddenly announced that she loved him and pretty much shook everyone to their core. Valentine just shook his head at Raz, "I never left with Leah, I never even thought about her. I did put my silly business aside but not with anyone else." Of course, he did think of her but not in the way Raz was thinking he did.

When Raz turned away toward the sun and asked what happened to him being the hero, the only thing he could do was chuckle softly. "I guess Tin was right. The only thing I can do is run away when I can't confront something." There were other reasons but it was the quickest one that came to mind as the thought of Tin and the rest sliced across his memory. He wondered if those men were still alive or had a blaster bolt put between their eyes by an Imperial. There was silence between them, the only sound being the slightly chilled breeze that kept on coming through. Valentine exhaled once more after that, grabbing a clump of sand and letting it spill between his fingers before speaking once more, "I don't mean to torment you and if you want me to leave then I will. I just know I had to see you again, to make sure you were at least OK I guess." He didn't know how to justify his actions or form his words to be politically correct. It was the only way he could describe it to her and he wondered if he should have come at all.

 

[Raz Solus]

Raz had to look back at him when he expressed confusion about her accusation. Somehow it only made her angrier, and she refused to believe it. She had blocked herself off, put up her walls and forever tried to erase him. And now he was telling her it had all been for nothing. Raz’s jaw tightened, and she curled her fingers into fists.

As he mentioned what Tin had said, it felt like a dagger to her chest. Tin had said that about the both of them, and she had done just that - she had run from Val. She didn’t care about what he had to say. She didn’t care that she misunderstood. She saw red, and she ran. But for his part, he hadn’t reached out either. He had made his own assumptions, and they went their separate ways.

Raz sighed, closing her eyes as emotions began to cloud her mind. She could feel hot tears building up in her eyes, and she squeezed them shut. It didn’t matter, the tears sliding down her cheeks anyway. When she spoke, her voice was broken, and it was a testament to how much weight was on her from her guilt from the village, “You were the first man I had ever loved…” She spoke barely above a whisper. She didn’t need to remind him that it tore her apart. He knew that already.

She drew in a deep breath and exhaled, looking at him through her helmet again, “Well I’m okay,” She said, her voice bolder, “Were you hoping to find me stuck pining for you after so much time?” Raz would never admit how much this had crushed her. He would never know about the nights she had stayed awake agonizing over losing him, “What’re you doing here when your people are getting butchered? Are you turning your back on them? Did you come here hoping to find a sanctuary away from your own failures?”

 

[The Eternal (?)]

Raz wasn't good at hiding her emotions and certainly not with him, even after all this time. He felt his words draw anger out of her and could visibly see her clench her hands together. Maybe it wasn't worth visiting her, Valentine would only bring more pain than good and realizing all this was just tearing open a wound that didn't need to be made once more. His words were only making her more upset and he was about ready to leave her again, thinking nothing better could happen but just that. Valentine's gaze remained back on the ground, thinking mostly to himself as the silence between them grew over everything else once more and just left them sitting there. After a few more seconds, Valentine dusted off his hand and raised himself a few inches to depart but that's when Raz spoke again.

She revealed that he was the first man she ever loved and it made sit right back down. Valentine didn't know why it shocked him the way it did but it did. Maybe it was just the fact that he was actually hearing it from her instead of just thinking of it in his own head. He wiped his nose with a sniff before simply just saying, "I know." He did already know the damage that he must have caused her. Not only that but the self-damage that he inflicted to himself, the first few years almost completely unbearable until he was completely able to shut it out. Even though he didn't say much, those two words would carry the message to her that he had felt the same pain too, even if he was the one who decided to leave.

Raz seemed to collect herself after that, her voice picking up in tone as she asked if he was hoping to find her there pining for him. Not only just that but to provide sanctuary from his failures as she so neatly put it. Despite the blatant insults coming from her, Valentine couldn't help but smile at her one that was purest in nature and the first one she had seen from him in a long time. "I really wanted to see that if Raz was still Raz and It's pleasing for me to say that it looks like it." Valentine was past the point of falling for simple insults against him as overall he just cared for the being of Raz and it was a warming site seeing her like this. "I hope nothing ever changes you, Mandalore of the Badger Clan." There was a shade of happiness in his voice but mixe with a sort of somberness as well like he was very much happy to see that Raz was alive and herself but also knowing because of who she was, what he pulled could never be forgotten or let go. For Valentine, now it was getting too painful for him to continue this even if he didn't show it, his heart only able to take so much. He had prepared for moments like these but it was clear he didn't prepare for it enough. Even just seeing Raz just a constant and aching pain of the realization that he forever burned that bridge and happily be the one that ignited the scorching flames. Valentine went back into a standing position, dusting off both his hands once more before slipping them back into pockets.

His gaze went to the gravestones, studying them for a few moments before returning it back to Raz. "I got a lot to make up for. I don't need anymore sanctuary, I've had it for long enough. It won't be easy but I'll take it step by step." There was a type of certainty in his voice and before he could continue his eyes went to the sun behind her, watching it dip lower and lower. "It's starting to get dark." Val acting as a symbol that their time together here was coming to a close.

 

[Raz Solus]

He knew. Of course he knew, she thought bitterly. His smug personality shined through even at a time like this. Raz didn’t make a jab about it, and she didn’t bother mentioning anything about it at all. She simply returned to what she was doing, focusing on the graves before her. He kept speaking, but she didn’t look at him, her fingers brushing through the sands once more.

“Some things have changed me,” Raz said quietly, still turned away from him. She was still reeling from seeing him. She had moved on, but his mere presence was jarring for her. It opened up old wounds, and she desperately had to work to patch things up all over again. This was compounded by her other worries and self-damaging behavior.

For a long moment she said nothing, the only sounds being the winds rifling through the sands. Raz dug her fingers into the sand once more, though she couldn’t feel any of it through her gloved hands. Her other hand was cybernetic, so there was permanently no feeling there. Her thoughts drifted to his words, some of which implied he intended to get involved in the war effort again.

Raz remembered how she had once fretted over him being involved in the fight. She had worried about his trial, had threatened to break an alliance over him. All of those memories played through her mind and she couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. Raz reached up and finally took her helmet off, letting her hair cascade down to her back. She had no tears now, just the look of a hardened warrior.

She didn’t turn to face him, remaining on the ground and gazing at the setting sun. When he mentioned it was starting to get dark, Raz had to smile faintly, “I can’t really hate you, you know,” She said quietly, “As badly as I want to.”

 

[The Eternal (?)]

Valentine remained silent when she mentioned that things have changed her, not wanting to assume what those things were that affected her. There was pain there and he felt it but as Raz said, he didn't deserve to come back and suddenly thrust upon his goal of making sure her wellbeing was good. Valentine wanted to prod but it would just tangle things further and make it even more troublesome for both of them. He could still sense the combination of emotions that plagued her and he wondered if she could ever cure herself of it. Valentine wished he could have helped her through this like before but now that seemed like the farthest thing from reality.

He couldn't help but arch his eyebrow as Raz suddenly let out a laugh, it mostly humorless but still wondering what triggered. Maybe it was just the situation they were in but either way, she then took off her helmet and revealed her long black hair that it contained. Then Raz spoke again, claiming that she could never really hate him and it shocked him but at the same time didn't. It didn't because he felt the same way about her and that would never change even if years had been apart between them. But even Valentine couldn't help but have a smile form on his lips before he murmured again, "I know." He knew he should have probably departed at that moment but something was tugging inside him and he felt like he couldn't leave just yet.

After a few seconds Raz would feel Valentines calloused fingers press lightly her cheeks before he placed his lips against the top of her head. He gave a warm and soft kiss on the top of her head before murmuring softly, "I want you to know, I didn't leave because of you, you were the hardest part. I've always loved you and still do, that will never change for me." Valentine gave another soft kiss on the top of her head, "Goodbye Pip." It wasn't a formal goodbye like he would never see her again but it was more of a goodbye to the previous relationship that they had. Valentine hoped that they could make something from the ashes of what they once had but it would take time. With that, Valentine's fingers slipped from her cheeks while the rest of him did as well. Without anything added, Raz would be able to hear the footsteps behind her go the opposite direction as Val started to make his way back to the ship.