Attravrak Nakacck

[Needicla]

NAME: Attravrak Nakacck
FACTION: N/A
RANK: N/A
SPECIES: Trandoshan
AGE: 35
GENDER: Male
HEIGHT: 2 meters
WEIGHT: Heavy.
EYES: Red
HAIR: No hair
SKIN: Sandy brown
CREDITS: 1,000 credits
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: N/A
FORCE SENSITIVE: No

STRENGTH: 10/10. Very strong, can break 4 pieces of wood piled up together.
DEXTERITY: 5/10. Not that agile.
CONSTITUTION: 5/10. Average health.
INTELLIGENCE: 10/10. Knows how to escape, when to escape.
WISDOM: 0/10. No wisdom at all.
CHARISMA: 0/10. He appears scary to have charisma.

FORCE POWERS:
N/A.

SKILLS:
Knows how to escape in an awkward situation with quick maneuvers.

LIGHTSABER/SWORD FORMS:
N/A

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:
His only weakness is getting kicked in the chest.

GEAR:
He has a slugthrower and what appears to be a tan chest plate.

SHIP:
N/A

DROIDS:
N/A

PETS:
N/A

PERSONALITY:
This aggressive Trandoshan likes running on walls, he likes flipping, backflipping, and doing quick movements, he likes great combat combos. And he is more experienced in hand-to-hand combat more than using his slugthrower, even though it's his best weapon.

BIOGRAPHY:
Attravrak was born in Trandosha, in an unknown village. 10 years after his birth, he and his father went up for a walk, after they arrived back. They saw their wooden house completely destroyed, robbed, and Attravrak's mother didn't appear. From this point on, he clenched his fist and raised it up to the sky "I shall seek revenge". He is very friendly towards Humans and Trandoshans.

KILLS:
N/A

BOUNTIES COLLECTED:
N/A

DUELING RING MATCHES:
N/A

GRAND TOURNAMENT MATCHES:
N/A

ROLE-PLAYS:
N/A

 

[Kiro]

I keep saying this for a lot of folks, but EVERYONE has distinguishing features. And nobody has zero wisdom or charisma.

Even being scary is charisma. And he wouldn't be scary for another Trandoshan. And knowing how your prey reacts.is.wisdom.

 

[Needicla]

I appreciate criticism, but this criticism is not really needed.
I do my character however I want, and I only apply criticism that has logical thinking in it, I don't think knowing how my prey reacts is wisdom, it's intelligence, because you're simply guessing his next move.

 

[Vencu]

Could you expand on his personality and biography? The personality section seems more like a description of his combat style than anything else and the biography portion is very brief and I'd really like to read more about his history and background. Also, his disposition toward Humans and other Trandoshans would be more suited to the personality section rather than the biography.

 

[Apollyon]

Interesting...however as Vencu said perhaps more details on this character could be added for examples read any of my characters or Vencu's...the more details you add the more lifelike the character becomes :)

 

[Master Maverick]

I keep saying this for a lot of folks, but EVERYONE has distinguishing features. And nobody has zero wisdom or charisma.

Even being scary is charisma. And he wouldn't be scary for another Trandoshan. And knowing how your prey reacts.is.wisdom.

I appreciate criticism, but this criticism is not really needed.
I do my character however I want, and I only apply criticism that has logical thinking in it, I don't think knowing how my prey reacts is wisdom, it's intelligence, because you're simply guessing his next move.

Good thing the criticism is logical then...

And, actually, it's quite needed. No wisdom means he has no idea what is right and just. If he doesn't know, then technically he's a psychopath. If he is, then that should be explained in his bio and not assumed by those stats. If he does know the difference between 'right' and 'wrong', then whether or not he chooses to abide by it is a different matter entirely.

As for Charisma, it isn't only inspiring others to follow, but influencing them to do what you want. Fear is a great motivator. While he may not be nice to pretty, he can still make people do and think what he wants, albeit in a different way.

In the stats you say he's not that agile, yet later you have that he likes doing back-flips and stuff (in the wrong section. That should be in skills). That's pretty agile to me...

And that's fantastic that you do your character however you want, but it would be nice if you gave your character... well, character. There is absolutely no depth to this character at all. Do you plan on developing his personality and divulging his history (bio) as you RP? If so, that's fine, but a note would be nice. As it is, this is an unfinished character. Technically you meet the requirements, but a finished profile that does not make.

Also, constitution isn't just health, it's how many hits he can take. It's also how easily he's influenced by others; how easily he's convinced to do something he otherwise wouldn't do.

His only skills have to do with escaping sticky situations? What about hand to hand combat? I'm pretty sure that's a skill. And wielding any sort of weapon counts as a skill. Does he know how to pilot, splice, build droids, assassinate, kill?

Why is getting hit in the chest a weakness, especially when he has a breastplate? His current psychopathy isn't a weakness? He knows everything about everything (which would constitute a 10/10 intelligence rating)?

Also, other than this chest plate he completely naked? What do his clothes look like, what are they made of and how do they effect his movement and protect him from harm? What kind of slugthrower is it? He doesn't have any other weapons or gadgets?

I look forward to seeing the finished product.

 

[Apollyon]

Good thing the criticism is logical then...

And, actually, it's quite needed. No wisdom means he has no idea what is right and just. If he doesn't know, then technically he's a psychopath. If he is, then that should be explained in his bio and not assumed by those stats. If he does know the difference between 'right' and 'wrong', then whether or not he chooses to abide by it is a different matter entirely.

As for Charisma, it isn't only inspiring others to follow, but influencing them to do what you want. Fear is a great motivator. While he may not be nice to pretty, he can still make people do and think what he wants, albeit in a different way.

And that's fantastic that you do your character however you want, but it would be nice if you gave your character... well, character. There is absolutely no depth to this character at all. Do you plan on developing his personality and divulging his history (bio) as you RP? If so, that's fine, but a note would be nice. As it is, this is an unfinished character. Technically you meet the requirements, but a finished profile that does not make.

I look forward to seeing the finished product.

Mav isn't being a jerk let me clarify, he helped me build my first profile! Her name is Exal and it is rather lengthy but when I rp her it helps me know EXACTLY how she would react to situations :) no one here wants to say that its a bad profile! We all just want to understand MORE about this character :) me personally because as Aliit Fett leader I need to know HOW your character reacts to different situations :)

 

[Needicla]

Technically he just said my character is bad.
Something I don't really appreciate.
If you have nothing good to say, don't post.

 

[Apollyon]

Nah read Exal's profile he is just pushing you to write out the best you can :) if you wanna see mildly rude read Exal's profile he picked her apart but it was for the better :) now she is so developed that when I rp her EVERYONE loves her

 

[Django]

He didn't say your character is bad, he said it needs work. And that's because it does. From the looks of it is pretty incomplete, and I cannot really see any RP opportunities there. I think it is pretty accept from everyone but you that the character needs work.

You said you are open to criticism, if that is true than why are you taking constructive criticism that whilst are saying negative things about the faults of your character, they are also helping you grow and improve the character.

 

[Die Shize]

Needs a mascot. I'm thinking BBQ wings.

 

[Master Maverick]

Technically he just said my character is bad.
Something I don't really appreciate.
If you have nothing good to say, don't post.

To be fair, I am being a jerk, but that's because you are yourself. I tend to be the enforcer of the golden rule...
And, it doesn't matter if you appreciate it... doesn't make it any less true. I'm simply being blunt where others are trying to be nice about it, which obviously isn't really working.

Anywho, your character is incomplete. I never said it was bad. The PROFILE itself is 'bad', but the concept isn't. Just type it out, that's all I'm saying.

Also, I really hope you mean 'nice', not 'good'. The point of these isn't to receive all sorts of praise but to have 'bad' things said about your profile to make it better. Plus, saying that just makes you look bad; you look like a child and that doesn't make people want to RP with you. Sure, I look like an a$$, but again, that's because you do too. Of course you weren't being rude to me, but I already addressed that above.

Now I'm going to be even 'meaner' and ask; did you really think this was going to be an acceptable profile? Did you check out some other ones and see what the standard is? I would suggest doing that, if you haven't, to get an idea as well as some tips.

 

[Grand Moff Odile Vaiken]

Also a profile will never be done as long as the character is alive it will always have room to improve for instance your training could in fact make you stronger the more missions you do the better your charisma and wisdom is. We are all trying to help and it is proven this man ^ will help you and push you to write more. It is not mean but what he is saying is true you need to expand what is his personality what does he like what does he wish to fight for ask these questions.