Ziost
Things felt awkward since the island fiasco, she knew she was actively avoiding Altair, burying herself in her work, which wasn't too far from the norm, but knew her reasons. Her back felt raw from her meditation sessions, counting the number of mistakes she had made that could have compromised herself; her confusion...was more internalized conflict as her emotions felt wrong, inappropriate, and she absolutely hate feeling this way. She even wanted to know how Emryc did it, to love and care so much for Jai and yet still be able to perform his duties as the Dark Lord. She knew they were essentially different individuals, but for herself, would she have to go that path also? When the split was forming with herself and the Eternal was agonizing, but this was the life and the path she chose, so why did it make it so hard?
Well, she knew the answer, and it was the limitations of being mortal, being a person, being who she was.
To fight who she was would lead to failure, she knew this also.
She also knew she cared enough for Altair that she never wanted to see him at the end of Raze's blade for failure, or worse, to have to draw the blade on him. She remembered how it tore up Emryc, would it do the same to her if it ever reached that point on her path? That was uncertainty that essentially caused her fear, one that a simple, It won't happen, Tiamat from Altair wouldn't fix a thing. She didn't think he could understand that.
However, now she had to face him, more willingly as she knew she even needed help at times and he was one of very few she could trust. Tiamat made sure to wait until the Huttball playoffs had finished for the afternoon before she approached his quarters, knocking softly on his door, hoping there weren't 15 others also staying in the same room like the last she visited. Though she was dressed a bit less formally, so that could hopefully keep the jeering to a minimum.
@Sreeya