Agent Nightmare

[Joshua Cratin]

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Name
Nightmare

Password
********


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Hello Nightmare
History file​

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NAME: Chris Thompson.
FACTION: Sector 13.
RANK: Agent.
SPECIES: Human.
AGE: 25.
GENDER: Male.
HEIGHT: 5’ 11”
WEIGHT: 200 lbs.
EYES: Blue.
HAIR: White.
SKIN: Tan.
CREDITS: 1,000.
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: None.
DOMINATE HAND: Right hand.

STRENGTH: super strong because of body armor.
DEXTERITY: super agile because of body armor.
CONSTITUTION: Health.
INTELLIGENCE: Highly intelligent.
WISDOM: Great wisdom.
CHARISMA: No charisma only forces others to work for him when need.


SKILLS:
Piloting: 8/10
Sniping: 6/10
Shooting/accuracy: 710
Hand to hand combat: 9/10

LIGHTSABER/SWORD FORMS:
No sword skills.

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES:
Strengths are he has a great amount of passion in his work.
A weakness doesn’t like to kill civilians in the middle of his work.

GEAR:
Wrist data pad, Heavy assault rifle, Flares, 2 Medical kits, 24 clips of 1000 rounds of blaster rounds, IHUD, excel suit.

SHIP:
K2DR Ramjet

Nell24G Gray-Angel

PETS:
No pets.

PERSONALITY:
Pierce, strong, honorable, loyal and intelligent. hates when people get in front of him and his work.

HISTORY:
Highly classified
******

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Access Denied​

Power Lost...




























































Rebooting....​

 

[Jiang Winters]

Big text is big. Big pics are big.

I heartily suggest you drop the size of both, it'll make the profile more readable. Other than that... Pretty much everything needs work to meet standards, save for the skills section and the basic physical information.

 

[Joshua Cratin]

ok

 

[Lavi]

You should have some history, even if this character is part of Sector 13.

 

[PuffyCow]

This strengths and weaknesses are the exact same as your two previous characters.

And, I mean, copy-paste, literally exact same. Try making your characters a tad different from each other. Or focus on one character first.

 

[Teck923]

Okay dude seriously, I read all your profiles and way to many things carry over from chracter to chracter. I think you should focus on one or two chracters and build from there.

 

[Dan.]

His skills make him....

Yes, this is a direct mocking of your giant pics. And why does an agent have TWO ships?

 

[Project]

Sorry to say, but Commander Tucker (or whatever you call yourself) - did you ever Roleplay before? I am not trying to be rude, but your characters look like your a very very newcomer to Roleplay, and especially the way you Roleplay.
I have nothing to new players, but you drive it to the utmost extremness of no Idea what to post: Short posts, bad Grammar (even worse than mine!), and a bit godmodding.

 

[Jiang Winters]

Per... Everyone, really.
By the way, I fixed his armor for you:

Aaaaannnyways, constructive criticism... Right, uh, well... Listen to what Teck923 and Puffycow and Lavi said. They speak wisdom, young one.

 

[Ols]

@Dan if you're not going to post some constructive criticism about the profile and just "mock" him, then don't.

@ShatteringGlass, although technically what you are posting is criticism, it's not helpful in the slightest. Telling someone they have no clue what they're doing without trying to give them a clue is just unhelpful. So if you're going to tell someone they look like a "very very newcomer" perhaps a line or two about how they can improve wouldn't go amiss. Okay?

 

[Phil]

He does not seem the subtle type to belong to Organization 13, I MEAN Sector 13.

Strength and Dexterity stats should be what they are out of armor IMO. If his armor effects those stats, describe it in the armor.

Also, how did he acquire those two ships, and why would a secret agent who does not exist have one, much less two?

24 clips of 1000 rounds of blaster rounds? Unless you are using a heavy repeater(Imagine a Star Wars version of a Minigun), then I think that a 1,000 round clip for a gun is pretty ridiculous, especially for this era. Even a 500 round clip for a heavy repeater would be alot. I suggest maybe just a 200 between 300 round clip instead, but that is just my opinion.

 

[Project]

See, "Joshua" - to improve your character for example, think about it some time, it can not hurt the whole concept you are working on then.Most people here in forum need there time to create a character - and then they have a good one.
Make the character valnurable... or give him Stats that balance him like (You can also give him 10 from 10 in ONE stat):
9/10 Strength
6/10 Dextery
8/10 Consitution
4.5/10 Intelligence
6.5/10 Wisdom
5/10 Charisma
------------------
That is still human like, though if the character is like Jiang Winters alias Atilla, from Hakim, it is logical that he has 10 / 10 strength since this alien subrace (Kasa Horansi) resembles the Warriors of the Horansi.
Adjust your stats tot he characters race, what he is like and so on.
Also, there are Strength and Weaknesses you can Include (if you choose one of the Standard Templates).
The Strengths should not make him Ubergod, instead just specialize (or say why he has Strength etc. in one area or two).
Weaknesses also should take him only down a little, or atleast show that he has something like a glass eye (unlikely) ... or prosthetic eye, which does not really work (however since the prosthetic one is cybernetic, this is much unlikely).
The rest of the character, such as gear etc. Should also, not make him god.The Idea of an Armor is fine and good, but it should have his weakness spots.I have only one character with armor, and I take his Armor for example:
It does have ballistic protection, however it is after minutes of fire upon it breachable.
Weapons, like the one of "Nightmare" are a bit overpowered through there clips - like Phil mentioned.
One Important thing besides all this, is History.
When you make a History, think about it a long time, as you want to make a good one.
There are 2 Perspectives you can choose from:
The told from my sight of things (you refer to you as I or me, and tell it from the sight of your character, as you would explain it to a friend or someone).
Or the narrator perspective (where you tell it like it is a story)

Except from all this, after the character comes the ROLEPLAY - I noticed that your posts are VERY short, and it is kinda a pain to read them, since your grammar is a bit off.Ask other people, they can help you find failures in your Text or tell you what to capitalize (I could help, however not much since I have some grammatical Errors here and there, since english is not my mother language).
Think about what your character could do, when your character has dextery 10 - he could have the ability of freerunning or acrobatic abilities (however do not make this to long, think of it like it would be the real world).
Every post is like a part of a story, told by another Narrator...

I hope this helps - also Gr1m wrote some Guidelines "how to make not a bad character" or something like that, I guess it could help you and wont hurt you reading it, however I only guess at this one since I never read it.
If you want help with your stuff (character creating) I offer you my help, or ask other people if you want.But please, do NOT copy anything again, that makes you just a bad reputation among the people here.

 

[Ols]

Bear in mind this is just one persons opinion on how to go about profile creation. To highlight this I've picked out a few points where I, personally, do things differently.

See, "Joshua" - to improve your character for example, think about it some time, it can not hurt the whole concept you are working on then.Most people here in forum need there time to create a character - and then they have a good one.
Make the character valnurable... or give him Stats that balance him like (You can also give him 10 from 10 in ONE stat):
9/10 Strength
6/10 Dextery
8/10 Consitution
4.5/10 Intelligence
6.5/10 Wisdom
5/10 Charisma
------------------
That is still human like, though if the character is like Jiang Winters alias Atilla, from Hakim, it is logical that he has 10 / 10 strength since this alien subrace (Kasa Horansi) resembles the Warriors of the Horansi.
Adjust your stats tot he characters race, what he is like and so on.

I don't use the stat system with my characters at all. Whilst it does give an idea of which of the traits are stronger in a given person, everyone is going to rank '10' differently, and everyone is going to have a different idea of how the stat system works for their character.

I'm not saying don't use it, but if you do bear in mind that it's not the be all and end all. Just because a character has 9/10 strength in a profile doesn't mean they can lift a car, and someone with 1/10 dexterity will still be able to move with a certain agility.

Also, if you are going to use the stat system, take on board what Glass says, as you can't have high stats for everything, they've got to be balanced. And remember, with things like intelligence, the character can only be as intelligent as the person playing him.

Also, there are Strength and Weaknesses you can Include (if you choose one of the Standard Templates).
The Strengths should not make him Ubergod, instead just specialize (or say why he has Strength etc. in one area or two).
Weaknesses also should take him only down a little, or atleast show that he has something like a glass eye (unlikely) ... or prosthetic eye, which does not really work (however since the prosthetic one is cybernetic, this is much unlikely).

I again don't list specific strengths and weaknesses in my profile. Personally, the idea that these refer only to physical things, or the notion that everyone out there has something like a specific long term injury slowing them down is a little ridiculous. If anything mental and personality strengths and weaknesses are much more important to include. Whether it's the fact that he's a capable leader, or he is unable to work with people who have OCD, they're all traits that work as strengths and weaknesses and everyone has some of both.

The rest of the character, such as gear etc. Should also, not make him god.The Idea of an Armor is fine and good, but it should have his weakness spots.I have only one character with armor, and I take his Armor for example:
It does have ballistic protection, however it is after minutes of fire upon it breachable.
Weapons, like the one of "Nightmare" are a bit overpowered through there clips - like Phil mentioned.

With gear, it shouldn't really be that difficult to use a bit of discretion to determine what's appropriate. General stuff, maybe one special item. And I promise you, even if you're equipped with cortosis armour and a super assault rifle that locks on to targets for you, a better RPer will be able to kill your character with a wooden spoon. Don't focus on things like gear, focus on the character side of things.

One Important thing besides all this, is History.

If you're using this format, personality is as important as history and as necessary. These two bits, not the stats or name or gear or whatever else, are what make the character. Anybody can fill out the rest of the profile and frankly that stuff is just a handy reference point if people want to know his age or size. The personality and history is what's going to make this guy your character, so have fun with it. Give him some quirks. Make him like a real person.

When you make a History, think about it a long time, as you want to make a good one.
There are 2 Perspectives you can choose from:
The told from my sight of things (you refer to you as I or me, and tell it from the sight of your character, as you would explain it to a friend or someone).
Or the narrator perspective (where you tell it like it is a story)

I'm going to step out of the little "opinion" bubble now and state as a fact that this is not true. There are not "2 perspectives you can choose from", there are as many as you can think of. There's a literally infinite amount of ways to write a profile in terms of the character's story. I have four linked in my signature each of which is slightly different and they don't even verge on some of the much more imaginative ideas out there. As I said about, these parts are the important bits, and they are the creative bits, so when you write your character, write the character you want and have fun with it.

Except from all this, after the character comes the ROLEPLAY - I noticed that your posts are VERY short, and it is kinda a pain to read them, since your grammar is a bit off.Ask other people, they can help you find failures in your Text or tell you what to capitalize (I could help, however not much since I have some grammatical Errors here and there, since english is not my mother language).
Think about what your character could do, when your character has dextery 10 - he could have the ability of freerunning or acrobatic abilities (however do not make this to long, think of it like it would be the real world).
Every post is like a part of a story, told by another Narrator...

Sort the profile out before you get to the RPing. And do pay attention to grammar and spelling. More people will want to RP with you if you make it easier for them.

I hope this helps - also Gr1m wrote some Guidelines "how to make not a bad character" or something like that, I guess it could help you and wont hurt you reading it, however I only guess at this one since I never read it.
If you want help with your stuff (character creating) I offer you my help, or ask other people if you want.But please, do NOT copy anything again, that makes you just a bad reputation among the people here.

Grim's guide to Not Making Crappy Characters is found here.

 

[Green Ranger]

Grim's guide to Not Making Crappy Characters is found here.

I'd forgotten about that thing. People still read that? o.O

 

[Sovereign]

Your character isn't in Sector 13.

 

[PuffyCow]

Ols, I like where your heads at, but I feel like you wrote that more for yourself than the person whose bio you are supposed to be helping. He isn't going to read all that, and if he did he would just be confused on the conflicting statements. Let's keep it simple:

All in all, it isn't about the stats or gear or written capabilities of the character: it is how you RP him that counts.

What you made, no offense, is more or less an ungodly superhuman capable of taking on armies and owning and operating ships that would take nearly 1,000 people to operate.

I could probably take a 17 year old smuggler and, by RPing wisely, trick your super spy into a trap and kill him (theoretically).

Basically, don't be so caught up and worried about your gear and awesomeness of your character, even though you want to make a god. Make him normal, believable, and that RPing him will be the same, or if anything, more fun, because he will be able to mess up (and messing up is fun because it creates more story and things to write about).

Try making a shitty character. Like someone with serious problems, who doesn't have any huge strong points. It's more fun, sometimes, and it's the best way for some like you to improve at RPing and bio-making quickly.

 

[Galykia]

I'd forgotten about that thing. People still read that? o.O

Yeah I read that when I first joined.

 

[Dan.]

Ols is right. I'm sorry, dude.

Remember back to the days when you used to play outside with your friends, pretending to be Goku or a transformer or Superman or a Jedi. Remember when you and your friends would fight each other when pretending? Like someone being Vader, and someone else being Luke. Then, all of a sudden, one of you decides that he's unbeatable. Everyone else complains, fights ensue, and everyone gets sorta pissy for a few days.

RPing is kinda like that. Everyone is imagining together, and the moment when someone decides he's unbeatable is the moment it ceases to be fun.

 

[Ols]

Ols, I like where your heads at, but I feel like you wrote that more for yourself than the person whose bio you are supposed to be helping. He isn't going to read all that, and if he did he would just be confused on the conflicting statements. Let's keep it simple:

Thanks for your approval of where my head's at and all, but I can assure you I wrote what I wrote to make sure the poor guy understood that there isn't a be all and end all to profile writing. He's got everyone telling him he's made a crap character and if someone gives him a relatively in depth assessment of how they think it should be done, it's probably best that the person doesn't just think that's the way he has to do it.

And frankly it's got to the point now that if he takes everyone's advice on board he'll be lucky if he's able to create a new character without being confused as to how we operate here, much less be able to workout and sort out this one.

It might be an idea now, for everyone to take a step back and stop telling him what he's done wrong and what he's going to do right next time and let the guy up for air. He'll have a lot to read and no doubt a fair amount to respond to when he sees this

 

[PuffyCow]

Thanks for your approval of where my head's at and all, but I can assure you I wrote what I wrote to make sure the poor guy understood that there isn't a be all and end all to profile writing. He's got everyone telling him he's made a crap character and if someone gives him a relatively in depth assessment of how they think it should be done, it's probably best that the person doesn't just think that's the way he has to do it.

And frankly it's got to the point now that if he takes everyone's advice on board he'll be lucky if he's able to create a new character without being confused as to how we operate here, much less be able to workout and sort out this one.

It might be an idea now, for everyone to take a step back and stop telling him what he's done wrong and what he's going to do right next time and let the guy up for air. He'll have a lot to read and no doubt a fair amount to respond to when he sees this

Well played, good Sir. And well said. I've got nothing more to add, except good luck to Commander Tucker/who you are now.