A request for criticism

[Fiex.Raeth]

I'm not sure if this is where I should post this, honestly. If any of you have time, though, it would be great if you could check out my first character, Fiex Raeth. The constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance,

Fiex​

 

[Tank]

Having the -/10 after all of your skills (strength, dexterity, ect) seems repetitive since it's found in the section just above it. Keep the description of his skills just take out the "-/10" part.

So her strengths are: force attunement, swordplay, intellect, and charisma; and her weakness is anger... you may want to consider "nerfing" her strengths. Maybe her strength is not each one of those things individually, but collectively. She is well rounded and can use a variety of moderate level skills to deadly effect when she doesn't let her anger get the better of her.

If you don't have a ship/droid/pet you can go ahead and take those out. It's more of an aesthetic thing, not really going to effect RPing in any way. :P

Again...under your personalities it seems like she just has too many strengths: "using the speech skills she has had since a child, mixed with her aggressive backup plan of violence...using others as long as she gets her end goal. To be trust by her is hard, to be her comrade is even harder...Perhaps due to her Echani heritage, or even just the dark side corruption, she finds that if someone can best her in battle..." You seem to be painting a picture of a very strong Sith with no obvious pitfalls. Again I would suggest simply nerfing this down. Keep all the writing you have it's fine it paints a picture of a well rounded force user; BUT you need to add in a fatal flaw, pitfall, weakness, that separates her from others. It doesn't have to be anything debilitating but as it stands now your character has no obvious flaw other than her anger (Which Sith use to fuel their power so...not really a flaw). For some ideas my characters have these flaws: A merc with no morals whose loyalty is easily bought, a banker with sever panic disorder, a jedi who refuses to hurt others, a medic who is socially awkward, and an arrogant senator. Weaknesses aren't "bad" things. They define your character and you'll find that your strengths more than make up for those weaknesses once your character grows and learns how to overcome their shortcomings.

Aesthetically, I'd add a space between paragraphs. It gives your eyes a break and makes the biography and personality seem more define and less like a block of text. Her emotional and psychological development seems feasible and well thought out. All around I really like her biography; it seems that fate is driving her towards the darkside. It's a nice change up from, I'm evil, they're evil, we should be evil together, that so many people stick to. I don't know a lot about the Sith so as far as the Holocron and the Lightsaber acquisition go you'll have to make sure that the way you came about those are okay.

All in all I'd give the profile a 7/10. Two points off for the whole weaknesses thing and another for the minor aesthetic issues. It's a great start and I look forward to reading some of your posts, you seem to have a good idea of what you want and how you're going to get it. I also really like the "In Thought" section of the profile. You may consider making her entire biography from the perspective of "her thought" instead of just narrating it. Doing so would certainly spice up the profile a bit and make for smoother reading. I hope I didn't sound too critical... :( Cheers and I hope you find this helpful. :)

 

[Fiex.Raeth]

No problem.
And I have been working on her weaknesses more actually. Just need to add it in a linguistic way.