Hey bud. I happened to stop by the site on a whim and saw this. Regretfully, I will not become active again; it was great fun and I had planned on coming back, but I found myself unable to muster the discipline required to write complex or thought-provoking journeys on top of everything else in...
The bio section in the middle switches from third-person to first to third, which I found a little distracting. I really enjoyed the personality and charisma that you conveyed in the first-person section; maybe you'd consider finding some way to frame the other two segments in that format...
I am making a Sith character this timeline; if he gets approved as a master, I can take him on. Is it possible that you could link us the profile when you're finished with it?
I'm afraid I did, actually (See "Ehrlich Mar"), but he's not in the post time-skip, so there will be no one to tread on this guy's toes. He wasn't my best work anyhow.
Nice bounty hunter by the way. I'll look forward to seeing him in action.
This isn't a bad profile at all. You might consider using some spoilers to split up the biography; it'll make it more manageable. That's not mandatory of course. In regards to your use of the first person, particularly outside of the biography, I'd recommend that you make sure it is consistent...
This is good. A nice straightforward profile that fulfills all of the requirements. The character appears pretty balanced, so points for that. And your writing style does give off that sarcasm and dryness you referred to regarding Riin's sense of humor, so it helps me to empathize with the...
Reserved. Profile still under construction, so I beg your pardon for the partially incomplete biography; I accidentally hit the post button when I meant to preview. :CStern Feedback on what is already there would be *greatly* appreciated, as it may well save me some time if something is...
HISTORY
Dukes Volume I, Entry I
Herein lie the anals of His Grace, Lucius Gnasch, Archduke of the Korrunal Highlands. They are chronicled by Loki Moran, son of Gedaliah the Balawai.
Lucius Gnasch was born in 986 ABY. His father was Representative Victor the son of Count Osmand the...
People who ignore sensible advice tend to irritate me. I also cannot abide self-righteous behavior; people who think they are God's mini-me give me the chills.
I know, right? I suppose it buys us all time to really flesh out the profiles before we move ahead, but I don't think most of us will require ten days to make the necessary adjustments.
Just a few quick pointers.
Firstly, your attributes and powers are askew to my eyes. You can give yourself more force powers than that if you want provided that they are similarly basic. Telekinesis, Art of Movement and Telepathy are good starting powers as they allow you to use all of your...
It helped immensely; thank you both for the prompt and instructive responses. This is the character profile as it stands; kindly note that it is still under construction. Constructive criticism is welcome and will be taken into careful consideration. I'll update it from here so that people can...