OOC: Sabotage on Gorse

[Sivaprasad]

@Darasuum @Thadd @Fyremage

Anybody have any questions/ issues?

I've seen other people do this, so it seemed like a good idea ;)

 

[Darasuum]

this usually only is necessary when there is pvp or something like that but since its "staged" conflict i guess its a good idea.

 

[Darasuum]

thousands dead? idk, that seems pretty excessive unless you really are ok with that many people dying lol. also "energy blade of some kind" i think people would recognize lightsabers for what they are. it's not like there are so many types of energy blades that nobody would immediately think light saber. also his blades aren't red, they are a more orang-ish hue but that's irrelevant.

it's a big post with a little much. for the thread to last in a way that won't end up with Geir either killing more people and being recognized i would say leave some of the new reports to carry on through the whole thread. also maybe because i'm a format freak it's difficult to read when you space all of your lines apart instead of just have it be a connected paragraph.

instead of having it be "sentence one is here"
"sentence two is here"
"sentence three is here"

have it be like "sentence one is here. sentence two is here. sentence three is here." and then naturally it will wrap around back to the left side of the post and continue on over to the right. just for future reference so that is allows for maximum use of space and not making stuff force people to scroll super far.

 

[Fyremage]

As per your request in our pm, I am in approval of this thread. I can post shortly.

And i agree with @Darasuum's comments

 

[Sivaprasad]

thousands dead? idk, that seems pretty excessive unless you really are ok with that many people dying lol. also "energy blade of some kind" i think people would recognize lightsabers for what they are. it's not like there are so many types of energy blades that nobody would immediately think light saber. also his blades aren't red, they are a more orang-ish hue but that's irrelevant.

it's a big post with a little much. for the thread to last in a way that won't end up with Geir either killing more people and being recognized i would say leave some of the new reports to carry on through the whole thread. also maybe because i'm a format freak it's difficult to read when you space all of your lines apart instead of just have it be a connected paragraph.

instead of having it be "sentence one is here"
"sentence two is here"
"sentence three is here"

have it be like "sentence one is here. sentence two is here. sentence three is here." and then naturally it will wrap around back to the left side of the post and continue on over to the right. just for future reference so that is allows for maximum use of space and not making stuff force people to scroll super far.

OK, sorry. As for the red 'saber...
I wanted it to be a lightsaber identified with the Sith. Perhaps I was thinking too simplistically. Typical of me. :)
I wanted the news reporter to sound like he/she was not drawing any conclusions, with the 'energy blade' remark. Point taken, though.

The format thing I will definitely follow in future. Thanks for taking the time to explain it to me. I do everything on mobile because I find it easier, so that way I do it makes it easier to read on mobile. To me it does, anyway.

I was wondering about the 'thousands dead' part, but I didn't want to keep mithering people with questions. I thought I could handle this myself.
Shall I alter it to hundreds? It is a really big refinery.

I apologize for the length of the OP as well, but I was trying to fit in Andre's character, place of birth, dramatic news story and reaction.
Plus I am a bit wordy... As you can tell. ;)

I spent hours writing it, so I hope this is an enjoyable thread. Please let me know if you have any other issues with what I write. I am new to Star ware rp'ing and don't know what I am doing yet.

Cheers. :D

@Fyremage
Thank you for your approval. :)

 

[Thadd]

Easy way to fix the "thousands dead" remark is have in your next post, or any of ours really, a "corrected Holonet news article" - you know the general "initial reports of thousands were exaggerated but still the act of sabotage cost the lives of hundreds" or something along those lines. :)

I definitely enjoyed reading it, carried me along nicely, and had some nice character insights while still setting up the large story. Look forward to writing with you all! :D

 

[Sivaprasad]

Good advice Thadd, thank you. :)