Unrequited

Darth Tiamat

Raze Loyalist
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Durand Cottage, Corellia

It was a sense of normalcy to be back here. It was quiet, isolated, a sliver of peace in a galaxy that continued to torment and suffer those who tried to break from the chaos. Though for herself, it seemed she created such chaos in her own life and for others. It now boiled in the back of her mind as she did her best to carry herself as normal as possible as she returned to her home, setting the small sack of perishables before stripping down on her way to the refresher. The normally hot shower was ice cold, but she followed her routine, cleaning her hair, nails, and slipping into her frumpiest sweatpants and oversized t-shirts but not before she paused to stare at her own scars she carried on her back. She lowered her arms, her eyes tracing the grooves that had been created over the years, surprisingly her mind was silent as though a conversation deeper than her subconscious was taking place.

She found herself in one of the spare rooms she used for meditation, pulling open the drawers in which she kept her flail, incense, cleaning supplies for her wounds; she dumped them all into the pocket she created with her shirt, flipping the lip to hold it in a manner of an apron as she stepped heavily through the cottage, throwing open the door and exiting. Following a well-worn path, she dropped the supplies she used for meditation and repentance as she quickly picked some kindling, stuffing it into the fire pit. With an easy spark made with her finger tips, the woman fed the fire, watching the flames lick the stars of the evening sky as it grew.

Satisfied, Tia grabbed each of the objects she brought out, tossing them one by one into the fire, watching them burn and melt. She didn't find herself hesitating or reminiscing on their lesson or value, but would watch until they turned to ash. With her hands freed again, Tiamat stepped back, she didn't realize how hard she was breathing, how tense her entire body felt, no thought floated through her mind, only a voice:

Her name is Lyra…It’s Lyra...

 

Darth Tiamat

Raze Loyalist
Sith Order
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Sith Lord

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GABA
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crack

The woman sat up abruptly, her eyes resting on the shattered piece of glass on her workbench. She had been steadily working on this segment for hours, the glass pieces each carved by hand and etched with the forgotten languages of the ancient civilizations. Most wouldn't find the connection, but it looked pretty and ascetically pleasing to look at when the petals would unfold, and the light would catch, creating a dance of story to those who would access her holocron.

However, now she had to stop and redo the piece. She was already coming up with excuses as to what she could do better next time, but Tiamat knew. Her focus wasn't really here, and she was avoiding everything. She set down the tool, her goggles and stood up, forcing herself to physically break away from her work. Instead she went outside, her bare feet touching the dirt as she walked along the worn path, she didn't realize how late it had become, her days were feeling blended, disorienting almost if she didn't check her holopad for messages from the office.

She stopped along the shoreline, just as the water touched her feet and then flowed away, a chaotic, yet harmonious rhythm that always drew her to this same spot since she was a little girl. The redhead closed her eyes, trying to remember being so small, so humbled by nature's creation. She breathed in, feeling her own presence in the Force.

You fail to find tranquility when I am near you...and when I am far.

His eyes pierced in her mind and she reached up to cup his cheek, her voice resonated with all the times she had told him I love you,, and all the times he drew back, all the times she reached out and he pushed away, all this time...he knew it was not for him, he knew...

They both knew...

To perfect himself for Emryc, and Emryc to perfect his sword and shield, and neither never stopped her. Physically, she could feel her cheeks flush anger; it took her years to reconcile feelings for Em, to mourn and then relearn to love, to care, in ways that she hardly knew could exist. And now it made sense, she loved Raze, she loved something, or someone that couldn't exist; a fantasy, a dream, a fulfillment that helped her feel whole and human, and right now, she felt lesser. She felt so far from who she thought she was, a queen of the stars, but someone who also helped create monsters into existence, first the Eternal, now Raze. Certainly those who do such things were only allowed tragedy in life.

Tiamat let out a yell, her palms exploding with the twisted energies of the force, sending a kaleidoscope of purple, black, and red shards that looked as though it distorted reality itself. She breathed heavily through her gritted teeth, her body entirely stiff with fury, and she would release herself again, watching the dark energy crackle in a crystalline pattern along the surface of the ocean. And then again...

And again...

...and the tears finally came and they would not stop.

 

Darth Tiamat

Raze Loyalist
Sith Order
Rank
Sith Lord

Character Profile
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GABA
Joined
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528

She sat quietly in the depths of mind, the current was calm where she remained and she knew the storm was passing. It had washed away the walls that once stood to protect her mind, beating and weathering them down until only pebbles covered the sea floor. She needed to rebuild, but had to strip away what remained that was already cracked and crumbling. The storm had come, the ocean flooding her mind; the waters seemed chaotic, turmoiled, albeit purposeful reaching every corner to push out anything that was hiding.

The waters were receding, and she sunk deeper into the pebbles and sand, eyes kept to the water's surface far above her head until she was swallowed whole and engulfed in a cold darkness. She could feel the sand, rock and water twisting against her skin, it was hard to know what was up and down until she surfaced on the other side, sitting on a familiar beach, legs crossed as she looked out onto the ocean's calm waters, and the stars had no end in the sky above. Lyra sat in the silence and safety far inside her mind. The last time she was here, the Eternal had taken residence in her head, its spirits tearing across the closest of memories she had carried.

Rising to her feet, she walked to the doorless white cottage, her fingers ran along the cracks that floated in her surroundings as she passed them; cracks that were caused by the Eternal, exposing the most private and sacred parts of her mind to the darkness it possessed. It took years to repair them, but they remained as reminders to never falter as she did.

Lyra turned and now stood inside the cottage, in her childhood bedroom where her bed stood, unmade and untidy. She knelt down and pulled a box from underneath; it was heavy as it was full, but it could hold more, it always did.

____​

Tiamat watched from the ocean's side, she could see she had been crying, the pain was great as it would always be necessary. It was the only way to protect herself as she looked back into her own eyes.

"I-I'm just so exhausted. I can't keep doing this." Lyra shook her head as Tiamat cupped her face.
"At least now, you know for certain."

Together they sunk back into the sand and pebbles, the world turning dark and cold, and direction became indistinguishable. Slowly she rose back up from where sha had been sitting when the storm came, the current returned to stillness. The pebbles returned to the large stones that lined the seafloor, and as she rose from the bottom of the sea, Tia could feel the barriers and walls of her mind returning, the energy and forces that kept it impenetrable to most, were now reinforced against weaknesses prior.

Tiamat opened her eyes as she returned to reality; she was not where she had started, but it did not startle her. In the distance was the cottage unbothered. She was still home, but now there was a difference.

Instead of feeling everything, Tia could feel nothing.

 
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