The Veralian Twi'lek

Mordred

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  • Name: The Veralian Twi'lek
  • Biology:

    + All have one Lekku
    + All members of the species are implanted with cybernetics before birth (this is done through surgery, obviously, and implanting cybernetics into the fetus during several different points that said fetus will hit during its development), during birth (not necessarily during birth, but more like… directly after, as soon as the baby is popped out), and after birth (IE. throughout their life time a Veralian Twi’lek may add additional implants.
    + These implants are added because the Veralian Twi’lek are physically inferior to other species, due to the low gravity of their home world, and the implants put them on par with species such as humans
    + They are more agile and nimble than species such as humans, and have focuses on speed, agility, nimbleness, intelligence, and knowledge through implants (speed, agility, and nimbleness) and evolution (intelligence and knowledge)
    + They have larger than average brains, and are extremely powerful neurologically with the implants only enhancing their capabilities
    + 40% of the Veralian Twi’lek are more likely than the average race to develop a stronger than usual connection to the force; They are 70% more likely to gain a strong, but normal connection; 100% likely to develop a limited, and slow growing connection to the force
    + They have a great longevity, and are noted to be able to live as much as 80 years longer than the Ryloth-hailing Twi’lek
    + Enhanced psionic capabilities, with their telepathy and empathy being “built-in” to the species. The more powerful Veralian Twi’lek can create gorgeously complicated illusions, and reach into minds to cause pain, but this takes training and experience
    + Must return to their moon every three months for the Three Month Harmonization process so that they don’t lose their connection to the force; all Veralian Twi’lek are born on the planet so that they may inherit at least a small amount of the Force, lest their Midichlorians become inactive
    + Some of the resources, such as the Veralian Phrik, have contributed to the instability in the force that Veralian Twi’lek experience, and are the cause for them having to return to the First Moon every three months to harmonize themselves and, well, everything about them and their force abilities, and this has thus led to excellent meditative abilities regarding the force, imbuing objects with the force, and may develop into the Ra’shi’sen’s Force Enchantment ability.
  • Subspecies:

    Rhatma - Striped Veralian Twi’lek with a variety of colors; the Rhatma are most common

    Rhakma - Veralian Twi’lek with other patterns, and an equal variety of colors; they are rarer than the more common Rhatma

    Note: Yes, they arrange subspecies differently from their cousins on Ryloth. Different home, different culture, different, well, almost everything.

  • Breeding: The species reproduces sexually, and ages through a mixture of complex biological processes, ceremonies, and rituals that intertwine so that the race can grow up in their culture (ie. as they grow physically and mentally they undergo ceremonies and rituals). The Veralian Twi’lek age normally, but don’t show their age until much later in life, and stay at peak physical and psychological condition longer than a Ryloth-hailing Twi’lek. They are able to breed with as more races than the Ryloth-hailing Twi’lek are capable of, but this is frowned upon due to the potential issues it can cause physically, neurologically, and culturally, and also because it lowers the purity and force capabilities of a Twi’lek, but breeding with Ryloth Twi’lek, the colonial Veralian Twi’lek, other Twi’lek variants, and humans or near-human individuals descended from families well known to have a higher than usual amount of force connection is not only welcome, but is encouraged to expand the culture of the species.
  • Strengths:
    + Intelligence that is actually quite high on the scale
    + Highly advanced
    + Longevity
    + Enhanced psionic capabilities
    + Reinforced and unified with their government, which they lead proudly and logically through species that were either already advanced or that have been “ascended” by the Veralian Twi’lek by giving them advanced technology to foster relationships and build up an empire
  • Weaknesses:
    + Smaller in number than the Ryloth Twi’lek, and actually somewhat low in population
    + Most implants, except many revolving around the brain (due to the fact that they are the only protected implants) and those that are mechanical (completely mechanical implants without any electronics, while very rare, may or may not show up in an individual or two), can be deactivated by EMPs or ionic weaponry due to the fact that they aren’t protected against all but the lowest of amounts
    + Without their implants, they are relatively defenseless physically
    + They rely on implants to improve the aspects that have been rather lackluster in development, or have devolved
    +
  • Diet: The species is omnivorous, but their weak capabilities as hunters without the implants in the past have led to the species developing the capacity to eat most poisonous plants as well, but they can’t actually ingest extracted poison due to their body not registering it as food
  • Behavior/Temperament: The Veralian Twi’lek are a passionate, secretive race that seem to be fairly open compared to the rest of the universe, but their abilities allow them to hide their passion from even the most keen of Jedi minds (this is because there are many Ra’shi’sen Jedi, and the Jedi are against passion because of… well, I don’t know, Jedi are weird. This ability was developed as a direct counter to sensing passion via telepathic abilities, and only stops passion and passion alone). They have a great control over their own emotions, and are a regal species with an air of elegance constantly surrounding them. Their belief is that knowledge is the route to power, and thus are an immensely curious species that finds it difficult to remain in the confines of the Rynar Sector, and, thus, regularly engages with those outside of their government.
  • Communication: The species communicates verbally, and they often speak multiple languages that range from Veralian, to Basic, to Lekku, and other such languages; Veralian is an odd language that is a mixture of complex verbal communication that takes pitch and various other aspects into account, body language, facial expressions, and such things to create the physically spoken Veralian, and the written language is comprised of thousands of easily made, but still aesthetically pleasing symbols and words; Veralian Twi’lek can communicate telepathically and empathically with either words, thoughts, images, feelings and emotions, senses, and what is being experienced due to the connection that they share, and older Veralian Twi’lek past the age of 8 can communicate telepathically with other species.
  • Description/History/Culture:

    They began on the Twi’lek homeworld of Ryloth over 2,600 years ago in an alliance between thirteen families that gained the force hereditarily. The Sect of Ra’shi’sen started this way, as a simple alliance, and would one day reach across the stars to build a new home. The beginning of the journey, on the other hand, would see the people who would one day become the Veralian Twi’lek start off in a new city.

    The City of Ra’shi’sen would name the previously nameless force sect that had united specifically because they were the same. There, they would discover a Phrik meteorite from the Rynar Sector, the place that would become their home one day as soon as they had the technology to find it, and that became the center of their city. The meteorite’s alloy had been degraded to almost completely normal phrik, but the connection the sect formed would lead them to Rynar over a thousand years later.

    Forged from the phrik would be the first war fans, which created new traditions, and saw the Sect of Ra’shi’sen gain sophistication alongside a name. Separated from beliefs in either the dark side or the light side, the Ra’shi’sen embraced a world of grays that would one day lead to Twi’lek being sent to a major force faction to complete training. The Ra’shi’sen became heavily spiritual in their actions, and gained the capacity to tap into previously unused force sub abilities, which would lead to a belief in knowledge, learning, and spirituality rather than brute force, thievery, and religion.

    Generations of the future would be forged by the beliefs of the past, and actions of ancestors as though they were clay in the hands of a Ryloth-hailing society with mastery over ceramics. This is what would lead to future generations being deeply connected to their ancestors. They would also come to believe that power came from within, but weren’t completely opposed to the existence of Gods.

    On their island, their first home separate from the rest of the Twi’lek, a massive complex of buildings, homes, mines, stores, and temples alongside a necropolis would be built. As the inspiration for future architects of the Ra’shi’sen, the attributes of these cities on their first home can be found developed, evolved, and superior on their current home of the Twin Moons of Veral. The Veralian Twi’lek may have evolved on the First Moon, but their beginnings can be found on the homeworld of Ryloth started over a thousand years ago.

    Sect technology is highly advanced, and is about on par with, if not superior to, that of the Hapan Consortium or the Chiss Ascendancy, two powers noted to be fairly sophisticated. The most notable creation of the Sect are saberfans almost as iconic as lightsabers able to act as blasters when closed, and also able to make a proper saber blade when closed. Forging and force imbuement methods of the Ra’shi’sen are gorgeous works of art, and the Ra’shi’sen are able to recycle just about anything to reforge it into something new.

    Technology to the Ra’shi’sen is beautiful, intimate, and able to intertwine with the lives of Sect members in many ways. This is only one of the reasons that their saberfans are so important to them, but it also leads to their ships being more comfortable and less utilitarian than the ships of the rest of the Galaxy’s species. They are partially cybernetic entities that make use of cybernetics to improve strength where they are lacking, and combine their spirituality with technology to greatly enhance their capabilities all around.

    That’s why their saberfans, a compilation of technology and components from the planet, the Sect member’s own body, and force imbued metal, and crystal owned since birth, are so close to them; powered by a force crystal held close to and synchronized with the Veralian Twi’lek since birth, forged from Veralian Phrik, and filled with tinker toys that make the saberfans a literal part of the their Veralian’s Twi’lek. Always arriving in twinned pairs, they symbolize the knowledge of the First Moon, the light cutting through the darkness of the Second Moon, and the lies of the Second, the openness with and the secrets kept from the major force factions, the veil that keeps them pure, the darkness, violence, and power that arise as the Veralian Twi’lek are opposed, and the united, chaotic synchronization of their Twin Moons. They are the Veralian Twi’lek personified, and allow them to hold secrets from the greatest of telepathic abilities, and the blades let one walk between sides without going mad. They are the sacred objects unifying all Veralian Twi’lek, connecting their emotions, and strengthening their minds, and may have their parts continue on and strengthen in the force generation by generation.

    At the age of eight, the joining process with the materials in the saber fans begin, and phrik war fans are first constructed, but it all really begins before that. Durable, plasteel-protected implants are added to the Veralian Twi’lek body and mind at the moments in birth, and sometime before that; Veralian bodies are very weak , and excellent cybernetics greatly reinforce their bodies so that they can combat other races physically; Veralian Twi’lek minds are enhanced past their already significant form, and this allows rapid learning, resistance to dangerous forms of automated learning (as in it won’t harm them), communication with electronics, a data spike that connects to computers, and more. The Veralian implants, granting excellent agility and nimbleness, are also regularly enhanced or modified with the most notable aspect of the modular implants being that they last a life time, and can greatly extend a Twi’lek’s life span.

    The implants are accompanied by a Veralian Force Crystal that is large enough to be split several times by several generations, and is cut from a family’s own mine. Each family has at least one Precious Crystal mine (these are the crystals that, usually, meet the requirements, and the mines are grown from the seed of a Precious Crystal taken from one of the normal mines), and usually two or more other mines, and the children of every Veralian Twi’lek make another mine available, and are another family for the Veralian Twi’lek. The crystals, rarely need to be mined because of their unique attributes, and the small amount that needs to be used compared to other crystalline materials. A shard that can be cut 6 times is given to each individual for their own personal use for a life time. It is possible to grow the crystals in the mine in every Three Month Harmonization return to the First Moon.

    The attuning process continues with a special, gorgeous alloy of Phrik “naturally” occurring in the Rynar system that is able to be imbued with the force. The process of achieving harmony with one’s self, one’s force, and one’s weapons behind when twin phrik war fans are constructed by eager, eight year old hands. At the age of 16, after many years of training under the Ra’shi’sen, the war fans are taken away from the homeworld by their owner to imbue them with bravery, defensive and offensive knowledge, and more experience, to a major force faction where training will be completed, and the Phrik war fans reforged into saberfans.

    Membership in the Ra’shi’sen is coveted, organized, and gained because of family (but this has no effect on rank) and, therefore, includes the entirety of the Veralian Twi’lek. All the Veralian Twi’lek are 40% more likely than other races to gain a stronger than usual connection to the force, 70% more likely to gain a strong, but normal connection, and 100% likely to develop limited, and slow growing connection to the force. They also return to the first moon every three months with friends and family to harmonize their internal chaos and their Midichlorians, refocus their minds, and clear themselves of stress, while strengthening their connection to their planet and the force so that they don’t weaken by being away from their home for too long.

    The Ra’shi’sen and, by extension, the Veralian Twi’lek, have stronger than normal psionic abilities, with their Telekinesis and Telepathic Shadow being renowned. Veralian telekinetic abilities, like the Twi’lek themselves, are more focused around knowledge, strategy, speed, and precision rather than power, and is accurate and speedy enough to pluck a slug out of the air, to control the fans to block blaster bolts in mid-air through telekinetic combat, and to manipulate more than the average amount of accuracy with a higher precision. The Telepathic Shadow allows the Ra’shi’sen to confuse the force senses of others, and hide things such as alignment.

    This is a force ability regularly used by the Jedi Ra’shi’sen to hide the passion that makes a Veralian Twi’lek stronger. You see, the more passion a Veralian Twi’lek has, the more powerful in the force that they become. However, though they are stronger in the force the Veralian Twi’lek are normally unstable at younger ages

    Even without implants or the force, a Veralian Twi’lek would live 80 years, or more, longer than their brethren on Ryloth. Veralian Twi’lek have been known to have a clear mind even near death, and they remain in peak physical condition longer than those without implants. The stronger a Veralian Twi’lek is in the force, the longer than they thrive on.

    The most notable of the myriad of unique Ra’shi’sen force abilities is the rare and intimate Force Enchantment. Force Enchantment allows one to bestow attributes upon inanimate objects faster than their usual force imbuement process that takes quite some time. Force Enchantment can make a bracelet calming, a blade lighter and sharper, and can imbue, purify, or corrupt them, through the force and meditation, with the effects growing in power and possibilities as one develops in the force.

    Veralian Twi’lek come in two primary subcarriers, and both share the characteristic of having a single Lekku. The first subarea is the most common, even if it still includes the rare red Twi’lek somewhere, and these are the striped Rhatma Twi’lek. The second subspecies are the Rhakma, which have a variety of different patterns that aren’t stripes.

    Veralian Twi’lek are omnivores with a physiology that allows them to eat a variety of poisonous plants, though, not actual poisons, as an evolution that allows them to feed more due to their natural lackluster capabilities as hunters (at least without their implants, anyways). The Veralian pallet has become more sophisticated as time goes on, a result of their high-end and very elegant technology, and many are extremely well versed in cooking. Their capabilities as cooks allow them to find work across the Galaxy, and the Veralian Twi’lek often find themselves easily welcomed in groups and on starships where good food is wanted.

    Well developed education, and a lack of poverty and homelessness due to a lower population number and more sophisticated culture teach the Veralian Twi’lek their own weaknesses. The low gravity on the First Moon makes it necessary to implant only partially ion and EMP resistant technology into the Veralian to bring their physical strength up to the requirements that would allow them off world. Weak offensive techniques (they can put up a good offense, but it usually uses defensive or supplementary skills to create it) lead to a reliance on defense, trickery, a superior intellect, and greater knowledge, A weakness to ionic weaponry can greatly reduce the physical strength of a Veralian Twi’lek, while the Twi’lek are noted to disarm their opponents first, and turn weaponry against their enemies. A strength in long stratagems and split-second tactics is offset by these weaknesses, while deactivated implants leave the Veralian Twi’lek an “easy” target that still has very, very sharp claws (like a cat. They may be small, but they are quick, and claw at a terrifying rate).

    A sophisticated culture often leads the Veralian First Moon to remain neutral, even if independent members may not be. The whole of the Rynar Sector can be used as a policed, treaty-defended meeting p,lace, but the individual Ra’shi’sen may see themselves on one side or another. A unique kind of freedom, unity, and disorder allow a Veralian Twi’lek to fight for their faction using Ra’shi’sen ideals outside of the Rynar Sector, while the divisions of the Unified Governments of Rynar see neutral matters, peace keeping, policing, mining, exploration, and combat in the name of the Ra’shi’sen and the First Moon handled by equally loyal, but sometimes differently devoted Veralian Twi’lek.

    The Rynar Sector, and its myriad of life forms are ruled almost completely fairly, and they live happily under the Veralian Twi’lek. All but a few races are united under the flag of the Ra’shi’sen, and expansion outside of the Rynar Sector is seen as, largely, unnecessary until extra-Rynar colonies come into play due to unforeseen overpopulation (which probably won’t happen, and that’s why it’s unforeseen). Peace is widespread in the sector, and a closer relationship with Ryloth will be upheld as long as it does not threaten the neutral status of the Twin Moons of Veral, and the Unified Governments of Rynar.

    The highly sophisticated Veralian Twi’lek culture wishes to survive is all, and has focused internally on development while forging excellent international relationships. The RYnar Sector remains a lawful, ever developing safe haven for those who are allowed in. Be careful, however, and fear the sector’s iconic Ra’shi’sen should you threaten peace, a race, a planet, or anything that thrives in the great Rynar Sector.
  • Planet: The Twin Moons of Veral
  • Technology: The Veralian Twi’lek are a highly advanced race that has technology on par with the Chiss Ascendancy or the Hapan Consortium. Their technology is sophisticated, and revolves around a comfort, efficiency, and functionality. Compared to the ships and technology of other species, Veralian technology is actually quite enjoyable to be in or to use due to the ergonomic design or the high-end creature comforts.

  • Ra’shi’sen Rankings:
  • The High Priestess The High Priestess of the Ra’shi’sen is one of the highest ranking members of the Ra’shi’sen, and deals with the highest matters as head of state, secretary of religion, and a number of other things. The High Priestess, with many members being an extension of her hand, is the perfect embodiment of chaos chosen from the Priestesses of the council once the tenure of the current High Priestess has ended (yes, that means death).
  • The Council of Ra’shi’sen The highest ranking members of the Ra’shi’sen are the thirteen council members. The thirteenth member is the Council Leader, and has the overriding vote should they be stuck between an issue, but, otherwise, all members have equal power. They oversee all things to do with the Ra’shi’sen, and often have left or never were a part of another major force faction because of their immense devotion to the Ra’shi’sen.
  • The High Priestess’s Council The Priestess’s Council is a council that acts as a buffer between the higher ranks and the lower ranks, and it leads the lower ranks, while also fulfilling much of the religious needs of the Veralian Twi’lek. Comprised of many Priestesses, and only one Priest, the council members are chosen before from Veralian Twi’lek handpicked based on genetics from the population and born in the temples, and then further chosen by a random numerical sequence that picks one individual out of dozens to become one of these ranks.
  • The Winged Hand The Winged Hand is a special operations section of the Centurions that is comprised of highly skilled individuals hand picked by their commanding officers to protect high ranking members of the Ra’shi’sen.
  • The Centurions of the Ra’shi’sen Comprised of different “levels” of ranks, the Centurions contain most of the members of the armed Ra’shi’sen, and, with individuals ranging from Ensign to Captain, and ranks such as General being completely unnecessary.
  • The Civilians Non-military members of the Ra’shi’sen, and therefore the civilians of the Veralian Twi’lek, are organized in dozens upon dozens of different levels that organize people based on their demographics as a census, and no one actually has any power over another civilian unless you are, say, an employee. The civilians of the Ra’shi’sen contain the majority of the Ra’shi’sen, and many can be found all over the Galaxy in various positions, while some may hold certain religious positions despite being civilians. There are individuals who work with the Church of the Ra’shi’sen as officials working under the High Priestess’s Council and the High Priestess herself, and some who may be security officers for a company, and some that may be outlaws in the Galaxy. There are many, many different types of civilians, and it is here that you realize that the Veralian Twi’lek are still very much like other species in individuality, at least in a way. However, their belief is still strong, and they still undergo the same rituals, but the world needs civilians so that things go round and round.
  • Notable PCs: Priestess Iala Vyanar Tal'kina
  • Intent: This species is supposed to begin a journey of adventure in the Rynar Sector with an always developing, and very ancient in-depth culture, and act as something that can easily be built up upon with new technology, cool ships, unique characters, and perhaps even the races spoken of in the Unified Governments of Rynar
    NOTE: This section alone can have your species dismissed. Species created on a whim or for purposes to undermine the integrity of the Story will not be approved.
 
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Tsunami

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  • Name: The Veralian Twi'lek
  • Biology:

    + All have one Lekku
    + All members of the species are implanted with cybernetics before birth, during birth, and after birth
    + These implants are added because the Veralian Twi’lek are physically inferior to other species, due to the low gravity of their home world, and the implants put them on par with most other species
    + They are more agile and nimble than other species, and have an evolutionary focus on speed, agility, nimbleness, intelligence, and knowledge
    + They have larger than average brains, and are extremely powerful neurologically with the implants only enhancing their capabilities
    + 40% of the Veralian Twi’lek are more likely than the average race to develop a stronger than usual connection to the force; They are 70% more likely to gain a strong, but normal connection; 100% likely to develop a limited, and slow growing connection to the force
    + They have a great longevity, and are noted to be able to live as much as 80 years longer than the Ryloth-hailing Twi’lek even without implants or the force
    + Enhanced psionic capabilities, with their telepathy and empathy being “built-in” to the species. The more powerful Veralian Twi’lek can create gorgeously complicated illusions, and reach into minds to cause pain, but this takes training and experience
    + Must return to their moon every three months for the Three Month Harmonization process so that they don’t lose their connection to the force; all Veralian Twi’lek are born on the planet so that they may inherit at least a small amount of the Force, lest their Midichlorians become inactive
    + Some of the resources, such as the Veralian Phrik, have contributed to the instability in the force that Veralian Twi’lek experience, and are the cause for them having to return to the First Moon every three months to harmonize themselves and, well, everything about them and their force abilities, and this has thus led to excellent meditative abilities regarding the force, imbuing objects with the force, and may develop into the Ra’shi’sen’s Force Enchantment ability.
  • Subspecies:

    Rhatma - Striped Veralian Twi’lek with a variety of colors; the Rhatma are most common

    Rhakma - Veralian Twi’lek with other patterns, and an equal variety of colors; they are rarer than the more common Rhatma

    Note: Yes, they arrange subspecies differently from their cousins on Ryloth. Different home, different culture, different, well, almost everything.
  • Breeding: The species reproduces sexually, and ages through a mixture of complex biological processes, ceremonies, and rituals that intertwine so that the race can grow up in their culture. The Veralian Twi’lek age normally, but don’t show their age until much later in life, and stay at peak physical and psychological condition longer than a Ryloth-hailing Twi’lek. They are able to breed with as more races than the Ryloth-hailing Twi’lek are capable of, but this is frowned upon due to the potential issues it can cause physically, neurologically, and culturally, and also because it lowers the purity and force capabilities of a Twi’lek, but breeding with Ryloth Twi’lek, the colonial Veralian Twi’lek, other Twi’lek variants, and humans or near-human individuals descended from families well known to have a higher than usual amount of force connection is not only welcome, but is encouraged to expand the culture of the species.
  • Strengths:
    + Intelligence that is actually quite high on the scale
    + Highly advanced
    + Longevity
    + Enhanced psionic capabilities
    + Reinforced and unified with their government, which they lead proudly and logically through species that were either already advanced or that have been “ascended” by the Veralian Twi’lek by giving them advanced technology to foster relationships and build up an empire
  • Weaknesses:
    + Smaller in number than the Ryloth Twi’lek, and actually somewhat low in population
    + Most implants, except many revolving around the brain and those that are mechanical, can be deactivated by EMPs or ionic weaponry due to the fact that they aren’t protected against all but the lowest of amounts
    + Without their implants, they are relatively defenseless physically
    + They rely on implants to improve the aspects that have been rather lackluster in development, or have devolved
    +
  • Diet: The species is omnivorous, but their weak capabilities as hunters without the implants in the past have led to the species developing the capacity to eat most poisonous plants as well, but they can’t actually ingest extracted poison due to their body not registering it as food
  • Behavior/Temperament: The Veralian Twi’lek are a passionate, secretive race that seem to be fairly open compared to the rest of the universe, but their abilities allow them to hide their passion from even the most keen of Jedi minds. They have a great control over their own emotions, and are a regal species with an air of elegance constantly surrounding them. Their belief is that knowledge is the route to power, and thus are an immensely curious species that finds it difficult to remain in the confines of the Rynar Sector, and, thus, regularly engages with those outside of their government.
  • Communication: The species communicates verbally, and they often speak multiple languages that range from Veralian, to Basic, to Lekku, and other such languages; Veralian is an odd language that is a mixture of complex verbal communication that takes pitch and various other aspects into account, body language, facial expressions, and such things to create the physically spoken Veralian, and the written language is comprised of thousands of easily made, but still aesthetically pleasing symbols and words; Veralian Twi’lek can communicate telepathically and empathically with either words, thoughts, images, feelings and emotions, senses, and what is being experienced due to the connection that they share, and older Veralian Twi’lek past the age of 8 can communicate telepathically with other species.
  • Technology: The Veralian Twi’lek are a highly advanced race that has technology on par with the Chiss Ascendancy or the Hapan Consortium. Their technology is sophisticated, and revolves around a comfort, efficiency, and functionality. Compared to the ships and technology of other species, Veralian technology is actually quite enjoyable to be in or to use due to the ergonomic design or the high-end creature comforts.
  • Notable PCs: Priestess Iala Vyanar Tal'kina

Okay before I start, I hope you can see by the fact I have colour coded it, and that at least SOME of it is green, that i'm not here to be a total ass. I will start by explaining the colour codes I have used:

Green = I don't see why it would be a problem.
Red = There is a problem.
Blue = I have a question about something that may lead to it being a problem.
White = I personally don't feel like I can give you an answer one way or the other.

So without further a do, lets get into it and start on Biology:

My question here is that you have added implants to these guys and cybernetics before birth (How?) During birth (Again how?) and after birth. You then go on to explain that they are "added because the Veralian Twi'lek are physically inferior to other species" Which is fine, however on the next part you have stated they are; More agile and nimble than other species. They have an evolutionary focus on speed, agility, nimbleness. So why do they need these implants. If you look at the catagories you already look like this.
Strength = Implants
Dexterity = Racial traits make them naturally fast etc
Intelligence = Racial traits make them naturally intelligent. (I would query the knowledge part as knowledge is gained. It can't be inherited.)

You will also notice I marked in red "than other species" this is because I personally wouldn't mind knowing what species. Human which are average in the scale of things or something like a Teek which is super fast.

Then I have highlighted in blue the next bullet point. A question about brain implants. Why does a race of highly intelligent Twi'leks require a further increase to it through cybernetics?

Now we have hit the first big red flag. What is a stronger than usual connection to the force? Is that in regards to everyone everywhere or there own population. My other question is that later on in your thread you talk about the species inherently weak connection to the force, in which they are required to go to their moon in order to harmonize with it. Seem to me personally there is a bit of overlap.

No real problem with them living a little longer personally, others might ask why. If it is down to the implants though, I would have to query it again.

I have no idea where the site stands on increased telepathy and all that I have highlighted in white. Sounds almost like a cross between the alien from independence day, and that hot vampire chick with the red eyes in twilight that just says "Pain"

The last bit in biology is a huge block of blue with a bit of red. Starting with the blue part, I just really don't understand it. You either have the force or you don't. You can't police people who play this species traveling to a planets to harmonize with it just to maintain the connection. Especially when a fair % of people are getting a stronger than average connection to the force. As for the Red, it just sounds fairly dodgy to me, if you can give some information on us to clarify what that all it then that would be lovely


Nothing wrong with the sub species I don't think, seemed to me like it was just an aesthetic thing. so moving onto breeding.

Now, I am 22 and I thought I was long past the point of needed the bird and the bees chat, however with these guys your going to have to give me a hand. You have put down that they age through "a mixture of complex biological processes, ceremonies and rituals that intertwine so that the race can grow up in there culture" What does that mean? Does that mean that if they don't participate in these things they are like peter pan and never grow up?

I'm not too concerned about the peak physical condition thing, that seems like a fairly minor thing so I have highlighted it green. That being said others might want a little more clarification.

You then talk about breeding with other species and how it effects the species not just culturally but it weakens them. Unless they breed with other Twi'leks, humans or near humans. In which case their force connection again skyrockets. Why? How? What if you have a member of your race, breed with a human for example... they could inherit normal strength, the speed and intelligence of your race, super force connection. I just feel its leaning towards a bit too much.

I'm going to d the strengths and weaknesses in one. Pretty much a lot of the thins you put in the strengths seemed fine, except the bit in white which I'm not commenting on. The blue part I'm confused not because of the tech itself, but because it seems like your species hierarchy is giving out free technology to people who "Ascend" (A word you should stray from using if I'm honest). Weaknesses are, well they are not really weaknesses. Being a small number doesn't effect a single guys strength or weakness, I think whats being looked for here is strengths and weaknesses of a single member of the species. Not the strengths and weaknesses of the civilization. Again, a lot in blue that is questionable regarding implants that I personally don't feel you need.

The diet section. All seemed fine, you put down that they have weak hunting capabilities without implants. But seeing as NO one in the race is free of implants after receiving them at all stages of their growth, birth and life... it seems fairly irrelevant.

Behavior and temperament seemed find, other than the whole "Can hide their emotions from the most keen of Jedi minds" I'm not really sure how I feel about this. It links (I assume) with a lot of what I have highlighted in white.

Communication also seemed fairly fine, other than again your species being able to enter other peoples minds and talk to them. At this point I'd probably be asking you what is the range at which this seems to work. Why do they need it. I don't feel like having a species be able to tamper with the images in another brain is alright, but due to there being force powers that do it... ehh I don't really know I would just question it.

Finally the technology seemed fine.

My final note would personally be, do away with the implants and the increased force sensitivity. If cybernetics is something you personally want to give a character, then work on giving them SOME cybernetics. I would also like to point out that if this was a species for next time line, the technology is greatly reduced in its advancements.

Bare in mind this is just MY opinion. I thought I'd give you a hand. I have steered clear of the bio and history purely for the fact I don't know enough about the current time line, or the one we are leading into to know if what you have written is okay or not.
 
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Jax Vos

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"Veralian Phrik"?? First of all, I'm assuming that this species is for the next timeline. Second, I believe that phrik as a whole is being next to non-existent in this next timeline. Third, you really should edit the things that Tsunami suggested, especially the implants.
 

Aluminum Falcon

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I may be totally off base here, but it seems like this is a species created for the sake of creating a single member of the species yourself. Other than that observation, Tsunami's points are well made.
 

Mordred

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Okay, I'll get to the other points later, but the species is required to travel to the moon every three months so that their midichlorians don't get out of wack. There is something wrong with their midichlorians that makes them unbalanced and unstable. I said they have a stronger than average connection to the force specifically because it's a trade off with the instabilities I'm expecting many players to have until they develop their force abilities further. The materials on their planet have caused rapid mutations and evolutions in a low gravity environment that causes the need for implants in most if not all physical areas, and the materials have also influenced their force abilities. The materials require extensive cleansing rituals to be sold to other species because of these traits. It was an unforeseen downside to the Veralian Twi'lek going to the Twin Moons of Veral. Something else that I would like to point out is that the species leaves the planet at the age of 16 to go train with other force factions (normally, anyways. Some just leave... or some leave younger. It depends on the individual, but 16 is the usual number) specifically because of their imbalanced force abilities. Training with another force faction gives them better control skills than they could ever learn from meditations or the priests on the planet. They have training academies, yes, but the species believes that experience is paramount to development as an individual and in the force. That is to say that some courses certainly aren't available, even if do have a higher amount of training than most Padawan/Apprentices do when they join a force faction like the Sith or Jedi. They have more training because they need it, and they also require training because if the fact that their force abilities are so unbalanced most of the time.

I may have messed up a little in describing what the implants do, but their physical traits aren't supposed to be natural at all. I'll fix that when I can.

I don't intend to police players in their going to the planet every three months. That is something that while necessary to the individual to keep the force, isn't actually necessary to play out. However, I myself am extremely interested in going there every three months, if I remember, but I won't be policing players.

I'm gonna get to working on the other stuff now, but I just wanted to make a few things clear.

Please be aware that I will ALSO be applying for every single implant they have individually. That way I don't have a blanket term for them, and that way people know what implants they have.
 

Mordred

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On Your Other Points:

+ I fixed the "than other species" part in several areas, but most importantly when talking of their agility and nimbleness, and where it says they are put on par with things
+ They didn't always have cybernetic implants, so that's why I mention "without implants in the past", or similar things in several points throughout the description
+ I'm not changing their force sensitivity percentages, but I have added a note about their resistance to Jedi mind probing. Now it clarifies that this only applies to passion, and passion alone, when it comes to abilities sensing said passion. This is because there are many Ra'shi'sen Jedi, or there were, (it depends on the time line they are in, but they tend to choose the Jedi more often because they feel that there is less of a chance of them being stabbed in the back by some noob after being weakened in a fight. This doesn't apply to all, though, since some prefer the Sith), and it is taught in their schools.
+ I added notes about their aging process where you had the blue highlights.
+ I did not add any notes about their breeding preferences. It's all fairly self-explanatory. The Veralian Twi'lek were, and still are, colonists made up entirely of families that were well known for their multiple generations of force sensitive individuals (however, there are more families now... obviously), thus it makes sense that they encourage breeding with those from reputable cultures that are members of similar families.
+ I am not changing their small population number. The Veralian Twi'lek are reliant on the rest of the Rynar Sector for a reason, and also reliant on the major force factions for training for a reason. In addition, this is likely because there were only 13 families making up the original colonists. That's 13 families out of the entire Twi'lek population, which therefore means that they have a smaller number in population than the Ryloth Twi'lek. In addition, they don't see a need to breed early in life because of their extended life spans, and the fact that a small of them may even excel past the standard 80 years addition for the species because of their development in the force. They live long lives, and take things slow because of that. Sure, they advance technology quickly, but even their relationships are slower. They have less of a need to procreate as rapidly as the Ryloth Twi'lek because of the fact that they're able to breed for a longer amount of time. However, this isn't always the case, as there are individuals.
+ I don't see the problem with the implants being able to be deactivated by ions or EMPs. It's for balance reasons. :/ I mean, sure, it's a major weakness, but without it the species would be much more powerful. They don't have a reason to protect most of their implants, and because their implants are of such a high quality and are mass produced for integration into an entire population that means that the more perks that come along with the implants the more expensive production becomes. There's already a permanent, and growing, drain on their economy because of the implants, and that's why it's up to individuals to modify their implants, or have them modified, or make new implants for themselves that can resist ions and EMPs.
+ They weaken the longer they are away from their home for a reason. With stronger than average force abilities compared to either themselves or other species (it really doesn't matter which, since the end result is the same), and a evolution having caused their midichlorians to become downright chaotic in nature, the more unbalanced their midichlorians become, the more their force abilities weaken. Think of the Veralian Twi'lek like the nymphs of Greek mythology; if they are away from home they weaken, and if their home is destroyed or they abandon it then they lose their force abilities. It's actually a very interesting train, and I don't see a problem with it. I also don't see where I said they were weaker in the force, but I do see where I said 100% are limited in the force, and have a slow growing connection. This is likelihood, not population numbers. Each individual has a 100% chance to have a limited, but slow growing connection to the force because if 100% of them had a stronger than average connection to the force then they'd either be galactic conquerers, ridiculously arrogant, split between factions vying for power, have no power differences between individuals, or simply be exterminated because they posed such a huge threat. Each individual has a certain likelihood of gaining one of three "tiers" of power, but it doesn't apply to the entire population as in 100% have a limited, but slow growing connection because that'd mean, out of those 100%, that 70% would have an average force connection.
+ They stay at "peak physical condition" because of their longer life spans. IE. an 80 year old Veralian Twi'lek will be much healthier than an 80 year old Ryloth Twi'lek, and may still be capable of breeding. It's not uncommon to have the High Priestess at 100+ years old, and still as active in her job as she was when she ascended to that position.
+ They can't enter a person's mind without permission, unless they are trying to assault them or something. Then it's not really talking. They are very polite when it comes to their telepathic abilities, because "walking into" another individual's mind without permission is the highest order of disrespect, and has led to wars in the past because it really pisses people off. The range and intensity of the ability to communicate is dependent on two factors: The experience of the Veralian Twi'lek creating the connection, and the emotional attachment that they have to those they are connected with. Experience leads to a higher range, naturally, while emotional attachments of a higher order could allow you to talk to your beloved mother even if you were light-years away (probably using a meditation cube, though) and feel "deeper" into a person's psyche (IE. you might not have the full capabilities of sharing emotions and even thoughts if you have little to no connection. A negative emotional connection can even lead to the thoughts being shared becoming warped, and the emotions causing interference with other connections, and potentially doing harm to both individuals involved because of feedback. The feedback to the mind is like a sonic weapon, it's very bad. Thankfully this only happens when there are mutual connections, because of what the Veralian Twi'lek believe is the subconscious either fighting against or embracing the mutual connection, and because some species are simply too primitive to feel the embrace. They also believe that every species has the potential to become as intelligent and "evolved" as them, so take everything they believe in with a grain of salt. They may seem humble, and many are, but they are only humble compared to each other when it comes to their brains.)
+ PS: Technology in Star Wars doesn't have proper development routes. Something made 300 years before the latest model of, say, a ship could be so similar that you can't find any actual differences. Star Wars is less about science, and more about mythology, and it's my conclusion that the Veralian Twi'lek cybernetics would still give the same effects because of the massive focus of the entire species on implants. They can't leave their homeworld without implants. It's against the law because then the Veralian Twi'lek would be preyed upon, and people would see them as a vulnerable species, and simply because anyone who leaves the world they grew up on while it has a gravity significantly less than that of most colonized planets without taking precautions is a moron. That's why every Veralian Twi'lek has implants. It's actually become mandatory for those born on the homeworld to have implants; even though those born outside of the homeworld as direct descendants of Veral-hailing Twi'lek would, in theory, still have a week body. Besides, without their implants, in the next time line, the species would be next to helpless. There are no alternatives to cybernetics for them. It's their thing, and their medical technology allows them to modify even the most important parts of the body. The Veralian Twi'lek aren't fighters, naturally, they are explorers, scientists, wonderers, and a greatly curious peoples who develop their technology as they encounter new species and new situations and share with them.

I may be totally off base here, but it seems like this is a species created for the sake of creating a single member of the species yourself. Other than that observation, Tsunami's points are well made.

Completely off-base. I'm still stuck on my own character, and would rather focus on developing the species and its technology until I come up with a proper idea for, well, everything about her. I've abandoned several ideas already, and it's really starting to suck because I want to enjoy one of my more unique creations. The Veralian Twi'lek, to me, are unlike most other species in Star Wars. While many races are separated in some way, the Veralian Twi'lek find unity even when they are in a different faction (of course, they may still try to kill each other, but there is a natural understanding between them). Their culture is odd. They believe that, even separated, they are aligned, and when aligned they can be individuals in their own rights, even if that means being different from the collective whole. The Veralian Twi'lek embrace this by purposefully relying on drastically different force factions to train their young peoples, so that concepts from both can be brought together by those that survive. This is also a way of whittling down the population so that only the strongest exist, but the Veralian Twi'lek who know that this is one of the reasons don't really advertise it because PR is very important to them.

I want to make my character as unique as the Veralian Twi'lek, and don't want to make her a carbon copy of the species, but my muse for writing has been down lately :c I just want to write a mature character, for once.
 
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Tsunami

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Okay so I'm actually coaching a lot tonight so can only really reply in short amounts and in between classes. The main thing that stands out for me out of what was said is the following.

. I said they have a stronger than average connection to the force specifically because it's a trade off with the instabilities

Then...

I don't intend to police players in their going to the planet every three months. That is something that while necessary to the individual to keep the force, isn't actually necessary to play out. However, I myself am extremely interested in going there every three months, if I remember, but I won't be policing players.

What you first explained as a trade off, wont be much of a trade off. My worry here is that no player who opted to pick this race is going to say they don't have a better than average connection to the force. Therefore if they aren't required to go to this moon ICly, the trade off becomes redundant they can just have stronger force with no one going to the moon.

The materials on their planet have caused rapid mutations and evolutions in a low gravity environment that causes the need for implants in most if not all physical areas, and the materials have also influenced their force abilities. The materials require extensive cleansing rituals to be sold to other species because of these traits.

This to me sounds like superman and kryptonite almost. I'm not experienced enough on this site to tell you if this is a good idea or a bad idea I would be worried about smarter players however using this against people.


I don't have time for the rest now, i will try my best to have a look over things again tomorrow and try to help out again.
 

Tsunami

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I had a look at the first point you said you had changed and it didn't seem like it had been changed on the OP as it was exactly the same as what i quoted. So I'll have a look again when its all updated!
 

Mordred

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I swore to God that I had edited it with the updates. I apologize sincerely, but it's been updated, now. I would also like to request that this be moved to the DOTR planning area, since I put stuff in the wrong place... again.
 
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