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- Jun 9, 2014
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Listen up, Maggots!
Since none of you know your gun from your naughty bits, we're taking the liberty of drilling a few useful tidbits into your nerf-herding skulls!
So pay attention! Any and all of these can and will save your life!
Rule #1 Kill 'em before they kill you.
Rule #2 Never say no to rations.
Rule #3 Bantha fodder is endemic.
Rule #4 If it's not nailed down, it's mine. If it is nailed down, the nails are mine too.
Rule #5 There is no such thing as supply
Rule #6 The fact that intel is called intelligence doesn't mean a thing.
Rule #7 If it looks dangerous, it probably is.
Rule #8 If it doesn't look dangerous, it probably is.
Rule #9 Cover is your best friend.
Rule #10 Intelligence is a title, not a requirement.
Rule #11 Press button, then throw grenade.
Rule #12 Never forget the detonating sequence. Red Red Green.
Rule #13 Always shoot for the convenient weak spot.
Rule #14 Never trust someone who says 'trust me'.
Rule #15 Using drugs or getting bladdered before a mission is not recommended.
Rule #16 Using drugs or getting bladdered during an engagement with the enemy is also not recommended.
Rule #17 Always make sure they're dead.
Rule #18 Never follow a wannabe hero, they'll just get you killed.
Rule #19 Don't forget to press the button.
Rule #20 If you don't get caught, it's not illegal.
Rule #21 Screw headshots. Aim for the nuts.
Rule #22 Always use a combat roll.
Rule #23 Never pull sentry duty on an empty stomach.
Rule #24 Aim, then shoot.
Rule #25 Lizards are always ugly.
Rule #26 Don't poke the peanut.
Rule #27 Beware of angry wookiees.
Rule #28 Beware of angry people called Bria.
Rule #29 Pay close attention to rule #28.
Rule #30 Age-old recipe to defeat any enemy: first, pull trigger. Second, repeat ad nauseam.
Rule #31 If you see suspicious looking spheres which then enemy throw at you - run.
Rule #32 Droids are, in general, bad for your health.
Rule #33 You don't officially exist. So, secondarily, do whatever the hell you want.
Rule #34 intercepting rounds with your head may be hazardous to your health.
Rule #35 If it moves, shoot it.
Rule #36 If you think you saw it move but aren't completely sure, shoot it.
Rule #37 If it doesn't move, shoot it.
Rule #38 If it shoots, shoot it.
Rule #39 Never say no to bacta.
Rule #40 If It's big, green and ugly, shoot it.
Rule #41 Always remember the six P's. Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
Rule #42 Gravity is a harsh mistress.
Rule #43 Always remember the six D's. Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge.
Rule #44 Never rely on the flyboys to get you out of trouble quickly.
Rule #45 Any crash you can walk away from is a good one.
Rule #46 Anyone over the rank of Sergeant is detached from the real world by increasing increments.
Rule #47 If you don't hit it the first time, try again. If you don't hit it the fifth time, your zeroing is out.
Rule #48 One's an anomaly, two's a trend.
Rule #49 If you see someone running, try to keep up with them.
Rule #50 Don't drink any unidentified viscous liquids.
Rule #51 ALWAYS bring twice the assumed ammo needed.
Rule #52 Enjoy the little things.
Rule #53 Remember mind over matter. If I don't mind, you don't matter.
Rule #54 Meals Ready to Eat are never ready to eat.
Rule #55 Rations are designed by people with no sense of taste.
Rule #56 Anything, when used correctly, can be used as a weapon.
Rule #57 Shooting from the hip only works in the holos.
Rule #58 When in doubt, shoot first, ask questions later.
Rule #59 Bleeding doesn't mean dead.
Rule #60 Gun compulsory, Face optional.
Rule #61 Do not eat the explosive ordinance.
Rule #62 Do only what you can.
Rule #63 Steal only what you can.
Rule #64 Never put med gear in the same webbing pouch as your rations.
Rule #65 Use the buddy system. It gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
Rule #66 There's safety in numbers. If you're in the middle, those around you die.
Rule #67 As a general point, artillery is bad.
Rule #68 You can't use the Force, so don't try.
Rule #69 Stay away from anything with teeth bigger than your arm.
Rule #70 Stay away from anything with more teeth than you.
Rule #71 Stealth is generally good.
Rule #72 Crazy, lethal, lightsaber-wielding cyborgs may be hazardous to your health.
Rule #73 Watch out for anyone with more arms than you.
Rule #74 If they're making wild motions towards you with something sharp and pointy, it's safe to say they're probably trying to kill you.
Rule #75 If they're shooting wildly in your vague direction, they're probably trying to kill you.
Rule #76 When running away from something, it's not the where that's important, it's the to.
Rule #77 Equipment will only work when you don't need it to.
Rule #78 If you can't see them, they can't see you. Particularly if they have a hole in their head.
Rule #79 Stay away from anything with more weapons than you.
Rule #80 Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Rule #81 As long as you have legs, you can still run.
Rule #82 Always bring explosives to a party
Rule #83 Knowing is half the battle.
Rule #84 The other half is ROCKETS. Lots and lots of rockets
Rule #85 Every rule has an exception except for Rule #28 and, if you're a smartass,
Rule #85
Rule #2 Never say no to rations.
Rule #3 Bantha fodder is endemic.
Rule #4 If it's not nailed down, it's mine. If it is nailed down, the nails are mine too.
Rule #5 There is no such thing as supply
Rule #6 The fact that intel is called intelligence doesn't mean a thing.
Rule #7 If it looks dangerous, it probably is.
Rule #8 If it doesn't look dangerous, it probably is.
Rule #9 Cover is your best friend.
Rule #10 Intelligence is a title, not a requirement.
Rule #11 Press button, then throw grenade.
Rule #12 Never forget the detonating sequence. Red Red Green.
Rule #13 Always shoot for the convenient weak spot.
Rule #14 Never trust someone who says 'trust me'.
Rule #15 Using drugs or getting bladdered before a mission is not recommended.
Rule #16 Using drugs or getting bladdered during an engagement with the enemy is also not recommended.
Rule #17 Always make sure they're dead.
Rule #18 Never follow a wannabe hero, they'll just get you killed.
Rule #19 Don't forget to press the button.
Rule #20 If you don't get caught, it's not illegal.
Rule #21 Screw headshots. Aim for the nuts.
Rule #22 Always use a combat roll.
Rule #23 Never pull sentry duty on an empty stomach.
Rule #24 Aim, then shoot.
Rule #25 Lizards are always ugly.
Rule #26 Don't poke the peanut.
Rule #27 Beware of angry wookiees.
Rule #28 Beware of angry people called Bria.
Rule #29 Pay close attention to rule #28.
Rule #30 Age-old recipe to defeat any enemy: first, pull trigger. Second, repeat ad nauseam.
Rule #31 If you see suspicious looking spheres which then enemy throw at you - run.
Rule #32 Droids are, in general, bad for your health.
Rule #33 You don't officially exist. So, secondarily, do whatever the hell you want.
Rule #34 intercepting rounds with your head may be hazardous to your health.
Rule #35 If it moves, shoot it.
Rule #36 If you think you saw it move but aren't completely sure, shoot it.
Rule #37 If it doesn't move, shoot it.
Rule #38 If it shoots, shoot it.
Rule #39 Never say no to bacta.
Rule #40 If It's big, green and ugly, shoot it.
Rule #41 Always remember the six P's. Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
Rule #42 Gravity is a harsh mistress.
Rule #43 Always remember the six D's. Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge.
Rule #44 Never rely on the flyboys to get you out of trouble quickly.
Rule #45 Any crash you can walk away from is a good one.
Rule #46 Anyone over the rank of Sergeant is detached from the real world by increasing increments.
Rule #47 If you don't hit it the first time, try again. If you don't hit it the fifth time, your zeroing is out.
Rule #48 One's an anomaly, two's a trend.
Rule #49 If you see someone running, try to keep up with them.
Rule #50 Don't drink any unidentified viscous liquids.
Rule #51 ALWAYS bring twice the assumed ammo needed.
Rule #52 Enjoy the little things.
Rule #53 Remember mind over matter. If I don't mind, you don't matter.
Rule #54 Meals Ready to Eat are never ready to eat.
Rule #55 Rations are designed by people with no sense of taste.
Rule #56 Anything, when used correctly, can be used as a weapon.
Rule #57 Shooting from the hip only works in the holos.
Rule #58 When in doubt, shoot first, ask questions later.
Rule #59 Bleeding doesn't mean dead.
Rule #60 Gun compulsory, Face optional.
Rule #61 Do not eat the explosive ordinance.
Rule #62 Do only what you can.
Rule #63 Steal only what you can.
Rule #64 Never put med gear in the same webbing pouch as your rations.
Rule #65 Use the buddy system. It gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
Rule #66 There's safety in numbers. If you're in the middle, those around you die.
Rule #67 As a general point, artillery is bad.
Rule #68 You can't use the Force, so don't try.
Rule #69 Stay away from anything with teeth bigger than your arm.
Rule #70 Stay away from anything with more teeth than you.
Rule #71 Stealth is generally good.
Rule #72 Crazy, lethal, lightsaber-wielding cyborgs may be hazardous to your health.
Rule #73 Watch out for anyone with more arms than you.
Rule #74 If they're making wild motions towards you with something sharp and pointy, it's safe to say they're probably trying to kill you.
Rule #75 If they're shooting wildly in your vague direction, they're probably trying to kill you.
Rule #76 When running away from something, it's not the where that's important, it's the to.
Rule #77 Equipment will only work when you don't need it to.
Rule #78 If you can't see them, they can't see you. Particularly if they have a hole in their head.
Rule #79 Stay away from anything with more weapons than you.
Rule #80 Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Rule #81 As long as you have legs, you can still run.
Rule #82 Always bring explosives to a party
Rule #83 Knowing is half the battle.
Rule #84 The other half is ROCKETS. Lots and lots of rockets
Rule #85 Every rule has an exception except for Rule #28 and, if you're a smartass,
Rule #85
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