The Shadow of Fear

Dash Pavan

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Jedi Order
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ITHOR CAVERNS
3.00pm local time​


Dash needed to think.

The events of Eiram had cast an unwelcome shadow. The Rhinnalian had rescued his boyfriend and delivered his friends from harm, yet the bonds between them almost seemed weaker now than before. Dash and Ez had their first real spat and Ferrin had voiced aloud the disdain Dash had always thought was there. Even Leon's burgeoning electric talents were another reminder the Rhinnalian might be falling out of touch with his friends.

They had delivered the data to the Order of course and even now plans were being laid to petition the Council. Starlight Beacon might yet be repaired and returned to orbit, whole and intact. As a Jedi Knight, Dash was supposed to be leading on it. Yet, it was repairs to his relationship, not the station, that occupied him.

He had barely spoken to Ezra since they left Eiram. There had been reports to make and medicals to attend, all of it useful excuse for not finding time to sit down and talk. Nothing big had really happened, had it? It should have been easy to squash. But Dash was only sure of that half of the time. The other half, he was still angry, stewing on worries, insecurities and above all a frustration that his boyfriend was apparently not doing the same.

He had come back to his quiet place on Ithor, hidden away in the secret cavern behind the falls, to clear his head. Dash put his pack down and got comfy on the rocky ground, crossing his legs and breathing deep. All Jedi were taught to meditate regularly, but he needed the cleansing reassurance of the Force more than ever now.


Dash closed his eyes, letting his mind wander. The rock wall opposite shimmered as a film of ice crept up its length. A frozen viewing pane seemed to form almost every time he meditated now, not that he had really noticed, anymore than he noticed how he took the Casket everywhere. Even now it pulsed gently inside his pack.

He tried not to think about Ezra, but that was near impossible. His boyfriend's impassive face swam before him in his mind and shapes began to ripple in the ice wall ahead. A scene of sunshine and greenery, a pristine world glittering in the heat.

Thyferra.
 

Dash Pavan

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For a moment, the sight of the Thyferran sun warmed Dash's heart. He and Ezra had shared their first date there, not that either of them had called it a date at the time. It had been back in the beginning, when they had been relative strangers, with so many layers still to peel away. Dash almost lapsed into memories of happier times.

But the imagery playing on the ice stirred different feelings now. Where the elite landscape had once seemed majestic and welcoming, it now looked a fortress of privilege and disdain. The walls and towers of Thorne Manor were hard and unyielding, its gates closed to new ideas and truths of the heart. The figure of Ezra himself, cutting a confident ship's captain by the wheel, became a picture of solitary isolation. A lone wolf who might never care for another.

Dash tried weakly to shake himself, aware on some level he was giving in to something no good. But all he managed to do was move the twisted visions forward, dispersing the scenes before him into abstract shapes and colours. He snorted in frustration, gripping his knees and straining for clarity.

When the vision reformed, there was no mistaking the two figures walking side by side. Ferrin (@Altaris ) smirked and jostled at Ezra's (@Sreeya ) shoulder, nudging Dash's boyfriend affectionately and making some suggestive quip. It was so clear it could have been real. The Rhinnalian's eyes narrowed as he tried to dismiss the scene, but it only intensified. The Pantoran reached around, firmly taking Ezra's face in a hold and pressing him backwards into an alley.

Dash did not want to watch, but he could not look away, gritting his teeth as Ferrin's tattooed blue body coiled around his man. Their clothes seemed to evaporate, melting into mist as they pressed together. Dash dug his nails into his knees, knowing it was not real, that it could not be, but it made no difference. Ez's silver eyes flashed and he took Ferrin's lips in his own, the two of them kissing so deep and so passionately that they all but blended into one. Hands roamed freely down muscled ribs and arched rears, grabbing, grasping, raking with primal hunger.

"NO!" Dash's objection tore from him like the cry of a banshee, razor sharp and laced with pain. The scream split the air and rock around, a ripple through the force that shook the forest outside.

Dash had collapsed to one side, breathing heavily and his head pounding more than ever. When he risked a glance back toward the ice wall, much of it had shattered. But there, in the largest remaining shard, stood Jadis, a knowing look on her pristine face.

 

Dash Pavan

Character
Jedi Order
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Jedi Knight

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Alhon
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Dash laid there for a long time, staring at the hard stone for answers that never came.

Had it been a vision, or an illusion? Real or imagined? It was impossible to know, but it had felt so very real. The Rhinnalian could not believe Ezra would do that to him, did not want to believe it. But even the possibility hurt him deeply. Dash found his eyes watering and he wiped at them with his sleeve, trying to tell himself he was being silly.

But it could be real. He could be a fool. Ez and Ferrin were probably there; they had talked about it after all. Jadis had shown him how to see, maybe he was seeing exactly what was happening. Maybe he should have listened to her.

Dash had come to the cavern to clear his head, but now he felt worse than ever. He loved Ezra so much, but fear and frustration rocked him, fear of what it would be like to lose him, and fury at the thought of such a betrayal. He had given so much of himself to his boyfriend, trusted him more than anyone. Had he made a terrible mistake?

The Force rippled as if answer and a wave of foreboding and dread suddenly washed over Dash. He convulsed, the intense dark pulse magnified by the Winter Casket next to him and the aftermath of his meditation. He had never felt anything like it. It had to be the Force, telling him the truth he most feared.

He could trust no one but himself.
 
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