Tabloid Senator of Kashyyyk Turns Down Hair Commercial

[Elora Trevino]

"Good morning, and welcome to this special edition of Celebrity Catch, your favorite holonet program for all of the latest gossip and celebrity scoops. I'm Elora Trevino, filling in for your usual host, Aveda Jusuzi, while she is away on vacation."

Elora paused, coughing into her elbow and then continuing. "We have a juciy little bulletin today for all of you Emryc Thorne fans out there, as well as for those of you who prefer your men to be on the hairy side." With a wide grin, she winked at the camera. "You know who you are.

"When it comes to hair and personal skin care products, Daubird is easily one of the most reputable and well-known names in the business. From body wash to specialty shampoos to lotions, they make it all.

"Their newest line of shampoo for men, Musky and Husky, has long been awaited and just hit stores yesterday. But according to Quentin Halar, a marketing analyst for Daubird, the successful, galaxy wide brand's newest product didn't release without a hitch.

"Mr. Halar took to Switter yesterday in a tell-all series of sweets to claim that the multi-million credit company approached not only Emryc Thorne but the Senator of Kashyyyk to advertise their new product!

"According to Mr. Halar, Daubird wanted the two politicians to star together in a series of holonet commercials that would advertise and promote Musky and Husky." The Pantoran laughed, shaking her head. "I think we all know who's the musky and who's the husky...

"Although Emryc Thorne was very receptive to the idea, Mr. Halar claims that the wookie senator backed out without any explanation. Daubird advertisers were forced to work long, grueling hours to rewrite the whole ad campaign at the last minute, and several of them quit as a result.

"Mr. Halar has reached out to the wookie senator via Switter, demanding an explanation, but says that he believes the Senator of Kashyyyk backed out of the deal because he did not want to work alongside the ISC President. So far, Senator Aezz.... the Senator of Kashyyyk has not responded to these allegations.

"Other Switter users, however, were quick to weigh in on the matter."

Spoiler: Switter

*Daubird has stated Mr. Halar does work for them, but that his personal views and opinions do not represent those of the company

tags: @SlagathorTheUnknown @Sreeya

 

[Cassian Graves]

@Song

 

[Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl]

"Do we really need to issue a statement?" Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl asked an aide, who rumbled an affirmative. Apparently it was important to clarify that the Senator found his time better spent doing his job than capitalizing on his publicly elected position with endorsement deals... but the Wookiee senator did use Daubird shampoo, and the beginnings of an idea took root.

One phone call to Daubird later, and his office had published a press release addressing the situation.

"Senator Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl's office confirms that he was approached by Daubird to participate in an ad campaign for their new line of products opposite ISC President Emryc Thorne. Since being elected to office, Senator Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl has consistently turned down similar marketing opportunities in the past in favor of using his time to faithfully serve the people of Kashyyyk. However, he is willing to make an exception for this occasion, given the far-reaching impact of this collaboration.

20% of proceeds from their new "Musky and Husky" line will be donated to the AMS relief efforts undertaken by the GOH and the ISCRA. Senator Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl looks forward to collaborating with President Thorne in the name of galactic health." Even Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl could swallow his pride on occasion.

Less than 15 minutes later, a brief addendum was included.

"Senator Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl has no comment regarding which aspect of the shampoo line- "musky" or "husky"- he is intended to represent."