Sabre Xalian

[66th_vanguard]

NAME: Sabre Xalian
FACTION: None....Yet.

RANK: None.
SPECIES: Human
AGE: 19
GENDER: Male
HEIGHT: 185 cm
WEIGHT: 50 kg
EYES: Steely grey
HAIR: Black
SKIN: Caucasian
CREDITS: None
DISTINGUISHING MARKS: None
DOMINANT HAND: Ambidextrous
FORCE SENSITIVE: No

STRENGTH: Fairly strong.

DEXTERITY: Agile
CONSTITUTION: 10/10
INTELLIGENCE: Fairly intelligent.
WISDOM: Some-what wise.
CHARISMA: Fairly charming and influential.

FORCE POWERS: N/A

SKILLS: Range weapon specialization, melee weapon specialization, spacecraft piloting.

LIGHTSABER/SWORD FORMS: None known

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES: Sabre has strengths in a few areas, he has just as many weaknesses. His ranged weapon specialization makes his handling of guns exceptional, he has trained with swords before but he hasn't really learnt how to handle them. Hey can pilot fighters, transports, interceptors and bombers, but he mainly uses interceptors and fighters.

GEAR: Basic power armour, plasma rifle and pistol. All his equipment is standard issue Imperial Spec Ops gear.

SHIP: None.

PETS: None

PERSONALITY: Sabre has been told he has a great personality, though it was by his family, he has also been told he has natural leadership skills, these are currently untapped. Sabre has many personalities. They can be described as the following, High Commander Sabre, Family Orientated Sabre and Vengeful Sabre. High Commander Sabre is loyal, strict and fair. Family Orientated Sabre is kind and loyal. Vengeful Sabre is vicious and dangerous, and loyal.

HISTORY: Sabre Xalian, born in Niltana 19 years ago. His real name is not known by anyone, well no one that, well no one alive at least. His family where all killed, he was taken in by his best friend Vixen Nikalay. At 16 Sabre and Vixen both joined the Atlanian Imperial Forces, they where accepted into the 66th Vanguard. Sabre went into Spec Ops training and ended up a High Commander by his nineteenth birthday, he was promoted unusually fast, some people said he killed the last High Commander, which would explain why he made that rank over the heads of other, more experienced people. Now with the war against the Order of the New Dawn, the people who killed his family, and Vixens family a few years before they joined the armed forces, Sabre is the leader of his own there man fighter squadron, his wing woman is Vixen. His fighter squadron is currently scouting the outer-rim worlds, as they have found this world they don't know, they have also lost contact with the dreadnaught Kibalay.

KILLS: None


DUELING RING MATCHES: None


GRAND TOURNAMENT MATCHES: None



ROLE-PLAYS: None

 

[Alex!]

There are many misspellings in this thread. I suggest you proofread it first. How did he get his plasma rifle and other gear? Please add how he obtained these items.

 

[Zen]

Vel, I hate to be Rude but i sutddion you not make fun of someone spelling I have the same problem with grammer and spelling due to me being Russian so if you want to make a commet thats less to hurt someone feeling than don't post at all.We all have grammer and spelling isses sometimes.

 

[Lavi]

Vel, I hate to be Rude but i sutddion you not make fun of someone spelling I have the same problem with grammer and spelling due to me being Russian so if you want to make a commet thats less to hurt someone feeling than don't post at all.We all have grammer and spelling isses sometimes.

Velix's comment did not come across to me as making fun of someone's spelling. There's no humor being suggested in tell someone that there are spelling errors and that corrections are advised.

 

[Alex!]

Exactly my point, Lavi. I did not intend to hurt any feelings.

 

[66th_vanguard]

Exactly my point, Lavi. I did not intend to hurt any feelings.

My feelings where not hurt, just so you know I have a learning difficulty and I never did well in school, plus he is a soldier the plasma rifle and armour is standard issue equipment in the Empire for all Spec Ops troops, if you read it properly you would have worked it out. Also I expected someone to pick up on the fact I hadn't finished the personality part when I posted it, which i fixed and, to keep everyone happy, I mention that his equipment is stanard issue.

 

[Storm]

It's rather cliche, unlikely and overpowered in areas, I'm afraid.

My feelings where not hurt, just so you know I have a learning difficulty and I never did well in school, plus he is a soldier the plasma rifle and armour is standard issue equipment in the Empire for all Spec Ops troops, if you read it properly you would have worked it out. Also I expected someone to pick up on the fact I hadn't finished the personality part when I posted it, which i fixed and, to keep everyone happy, I mention that his equipment is stanard issue.

If you mean the Empire from the films, it doesn't exist at this time.

 

[66th_vanguard]

It's rather cliche, unlikely and overpowered in areas, I'm afraid.



If you mean the Empire from the films, it doesn't exist at this time.

A cliche how? Overpowered in what areas? And I mention that it is called the Atlanian Empire in his history, although I did say Atlanian Imperial Forces thats just the collective name for their Army, Navy and Airforce/Spacefleet.

 

[Storm]

A cliched how? Overpowered in what areas?

Well, his personality for a start. The idea of having someone who's just that perfect and kind is cliche, what with his family personality and High Commander personality, on top of "natural leadership skills" and the likes.

And no one would be High Commander of an Empire military at nineteen. Having him as a High Commander at all, unless the profile's brilliantly written, is cliche and overpowered. There's just very little original that I've not seen before time and time again in other profiles.

I'm sorry if I sound blunt. Don't take this the wrong way; it's all meant as constructive criticism. =)

And I mention that it is called the Atlanian Empire not the one from the movies, sorry if I didn't explain that in the message you have quoted.

Ah, okay.

 

[66th_vanguard]

Well, his personality for a start. The idea of having someone who's just that perfect and kind is cliche, what with his family personality and High Commander personality, on top of "natural leadership skills" and the likes.

And no one would be High Commander of an Empire military at nineteen. Having him as a High Commander at all, unless the profile's brilliantly written, is cliche and overpowered. There's just very little original that I've not seen before time and time again in other profiles.

I'm sorry if I sound blunt. Don't take this the wrong way; it's all meant as constructive criticism. =)

Yes I see what you meen, but he was TOLD all this by his family, and its whether HE beleives them that is the real question, and I think I already explained this in his history, if not I will add it, rumours have gone through the Empire that he killed the last High Commander and they have a rule, if somewhat open to corruption, you keep what you kill, so Sabre took the job after he killed the last High Commander, this is all unproven, its just the other cantidates wheren't liked by anyone and there would have been another assassination, and he was in the room when it happened. And you said his personality FOR A START, so to finish, where else.

 

[Storm]

Yes I see what you meen, but he was TOLD all this by his family, and its whether HE beleives them that is the real question

Doesn't stop it being cliche.

and I think I already explained this in his history, if not I will add it, rumours have gone through the Empire that he killed the last High Commander and they have a rule, if somewhat open to corruption, you keep what you kill, so Sabre took the job after he killed the last High Commander, this is all unproven, its just the other cantidates wheren't liked by anyone and there would have been another assassination, and he was in the room when it happened.

Doesn't matter. That's not a solid reason, as no canonical Star Wars society of intelligence like this has such a rule. That doesn't change it being overpowered.

Yes And you said his personality FOR A START, so to finish, where else.

Well, I hate to say it, but, were I you, I'd go through the personality and history and rewrite a great deal of it.

 

[66th_vanguard]

Doesn't stop it being cliche.



Doesn't matter. That's not a solid reason, as no canonical Star Wars society of intelligence like this has such a rule. That doesn't change it being overpowered.



Well, I hate to say it, but, were I you, I'd go through the personality and history and rewrite a great deal of it.

Ok I'm sorry I wasted your time and intelligance can an Admin please lock this thread.

 

[Storm]

Ok I'm sorry I wasted your time and intelligance can an Admin please lock this thread.

I didn't mean it like that.

What I say isn't to knock your character; it's so you can improve it, and get the best character possible and so the best RPs possible. =)

 

[D.C.]

I agree with Storm that your character is a little overpowered.

However,

Who cares if it's cliche or not? If you like it the way it is, then keep it the way it is, even if it's cliche.

Just, try to do something about him being overpowered. Also, your personality and history is small in words, so it will be quite easy to rewrite it and when you rewrite, maybe you could try to expand it.

There really is no reason for this thread being locked, but that is just my opinion. This character really could turn out to be a cool character indeed!
And, Storm was just trying to be helpful. He knows how to write characters and he writes very good profiles himself, so please take his criticism in regard. He knows what he is talking about.

Good luck with your profile, it can really turn out to be great. Don't give up on it!

 

[Alex!]

My feelings where not hurt, just so you know I have a learning difficulty and I never did well in school, plus he is a soldier the plasma rifle and armour is standard issue equipment in the Empire for all Spec Ops troops, if you read it properly you would have worked it out. Also I expected someone to pick up on the fact I hadn't finished the personality part when I posted it, which i fixed and, to keep everyone happy, I mention that his equipment is stanard issue.

I respect that. I'm trying to get my point through to Zen.

 

[Zen]

SO for my Misunderstading s Lavi.

 

[66th_vanguard]

I am sorry for the way I had reacted in my last post it was 11:00pm I had just gotten home from a meeting so I was tiered and slightly stressed, I'm not really good at the profile creation but when it comes to the acctual RPs I am quite good. This may Sabre and Vixens story but they are considered K.I.A in their Empire, so they have to start from the start and they wont follow the rule they had to follow where they came from. If Storm had read the profile properly he would have seen I listed Sabre as not having a Rank.

 

[Storm]

I am sorry for the way I had reacted in my last post it was 11:00pm I had just gotten home from a meeting so I was tiered and slightly stressed, I'm not really good at the profile creation but when it comes to the acctual RPs I am quite good. This may Sabre and Vixens story but they are considered K.I.A in their Empire, so they have to start from the start and they wont follow the rule they had to follow where they came from. If Storm had read the profile properly he would have seen I listed Sabre as not having a Rank.

I did read it correctly.

You specified the High Commander stuff elsewhere.

 

[66th_vanguard]

I did read it correctly.

You specified the High Commander stuff elsewhere.

Yes but dose his past really matter? As he will be starting at the bottom as a recruit or something like that why should I change it.

 

[66th_vanguard]

Ok i have just done up Vixens profile and by time you read this you should be able to find it.