Ask Ajan Kloss One's own doing

Felix

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It had been a few days since Felix arrived back on Ajan Kloss after Dathomir, he had been relegated to his room in the temple. He knew what was going on, they were asking the question that had been following him for most of his time as a padawan, what do they do with him? A question, not even Felix himself could answer.

His head rested against the glass of the window next to his bed as eyes kept glancing back and forth between the outside world and a cross-shaped metal amulet that he fidgeted with. One side was rough metal with an engraved pattern of two wolf heads spiralling together try to consume a sun and moon, the other side contained raised from the base to an inscription of some dead language. This was the only found on Felix except for the note that was left for the Jedi when he was abandoned on the ramp of a Jedi's ship.

He had tried to figure out where it came from and what language was written on it to no avail other years, an enigma just like his parents. feeling a presence just outside his door he quickly hid the amulet under his pillow and continued to look out the window, his face away from the door.

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Indy Sati

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She had given Felix a few days to sweat things out, think about what happened on Dathomir. To be honest, she was more than simply miffed at his stowing away on her ship. It was so much more than that. He was young, yes, but he wasn't an idiot. What made it worse was not attempting to contact her afterwards, and not listening.

Those were two things that needed addressing. She also had to talk to the Padawan Altina, but for now there was Felix.

When she opened the door, the Pantoran's arms crossed, leveling the boy a calm, level look.


"Are you going to hide away in your room for the rest of your life, or are you going to tell me what you were doing on my ship?"

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Felix

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His eyes flicked to the door as it opened for a brief moment to see Indy before they returned to looking outside. there was silence for a few seconds, formulating his answer to her question.

"does it matter? won't change what I did... what happened, so why don't we just skipped to the end where you punish me for my disobedience, so you can drop me off so am another Jedi's problem "

His knees shift to his chest and he wrapped his arms around them, he was tired of this repeating he just wanted it over and done with so they booth can move with their lives.

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Indy Sati

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Her lips thinned in annoyance at his surly attitude. Instead of walking off like she should have done, her arms tightened across her chest, and a brow raised. "Is that any way you should talk to your Master, Padawan?" she asked him crisply, one brow raised. "I don't think so. You're not a problem, but your actions are. Now get up, lesson one starts in five minutes. And if you're late, you'll be adding five push-ups." She turned away as though to move... then sighed.

"And sitting there wallowing is bad for the back. It matters... and the next time you sneak on board my ship without letting me know, you'll be doing twenty push-ups before breakfast for a week. Now come on."

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Felix

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his head turned towards indy upon hearing the words "master", it was slightly tilted with confusion, he wasn't sure what to make of it, his feelings were conflicted. He sighed and moved to the edge to put his shoes on and collected his lightsaber from the bedside table before making his way to the door, his movements were sluggish and lacked enthusiasm, showing his reluctance for his current situation.

he would fall in behind indy "why?" he would ask to fill the silence, "why make me you appertence" He didn't understand why she did that, no one else had before so what was different?

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Indy Sati

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Why? Force above, this child didn't get it did he? Did he assume that he would just fall through the cracks if he gave enough attitude? You'd think he was trying to be dropped. "Because you're one of us, kid," she replied, jerking her head.

"Now come on, you're wasting daylight."

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Felix

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Indy's answer didn't sate his confusion as to why because sometimes he didn't feel like one of them, he wasn't some skilled warrior, a healer, philosopher, or spiritualist. He was just him, mediocre in everything except maybe climbing and hiding, he was an inbetweener with no place that's what he figured.

"so where are we going? to the training grounds?" he guessed, his eyes on the floor. Indy had mention pushups so it was one of few places that would be best for that unless of course, she had someplace special in mind he didn't know of. Where ever they were going he would behind Indy, arms folded with hands tucked under his armpits but keeping up with her pace.

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Indy Sati

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She kept walking, spine stiff and tall and head tilted forwards, eyes of gold calm. "Not quite," was her only answer as they would push on. Past the training grounds, past the barracks and meditation chambers. Down the temple stairs... and into the jungle beyond. This place, she knew almost better than her icy homeworld. Its' many trees and vines and lurking denizens. But they weren't stopping for that, either.

In fact... she had on her two water canteens and some fruit in a pouch at her hip.

It was nearly an hour by the time they reached the lake; the morning mists steamed and curled on its' glassy surface, the epitome of peace. It was here, she stopped, then turned to him, arms crossed.

"Out here, you're going to understand something. Breath is sacred. Your life is in your breath, and it has value. The Sith, the Darkness... they'll want to take both from you." Her eyes were impassive, remote, her lips in a neutral line. "Today we'll begin training how to keep your breath even under difficult circumstances. It will be hard."

She waited for a beat, then nodded to a large pile of stones behind him.
"Pick up a rock, then come to the edge of the water."

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Felix

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His eye's began to lift from the ground as they went past the training grounds, then the barracks and meditation chambers. Felix hesitated for a second before entering the jungle, where were they going? was the thought that crossed his mind. He had spent a fair amount of time in this jungle if you wanted to disappear for a few hours and not be found, it was the place. wherever they were going he hoped it wasn't far.

When they reached the lake Felix wasn't huffing and puffing but he certainly was breathing heavily. Walking in jedi robes through the thick jungle wasn't as easy some people would think. Ge sighed and rolled his eyes behind his eyelids at he would be learning.

"I already know about breath control. controlling your breathing helps centre yourself, to allow yourself to think before you act, to focus." he had been taught that as a youngling if this was a test to see what he knew he would humour it if only to show his new master that he was more competent that than she thought.

He went over to the pile, picked up a rock as instructed, the large rock was on the heavier for him as he wasn't the strongest of people, some might even say he was weedy but he hefted it anyway with gritted behind closed lips to the edge of the water. There he waited for whatever the next step was.

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Indy Sati

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She didn't miss his rolling his eyes, but didn't react beyond a raised brow. "Well good that you know that. But we're not here to control your breathing to focus." She crossed her arms beneath her bust, then nodded to the lake.

"Start walking until you get to your waist."

Saying so herself, she stripped off her outer robe, and stalked over to grab a rock for herself, and started wading in, the cold water always a bit of a shock, but she gritted her teeth, forcing her gaze forward as she moved. There was more than he thought; it was the chill of the water, the heaviness of the rock, the resistance of the water.

Would he follow, or stay behind?


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Felix

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Feix didn’t argue or complain as he began to wade through the water, the water was cold which might have been refreshing compared to the humid heat of the jungle if he wasn’t also clothed. He grimaced as the water absorbed into his clothes becoming heavy and sapping his body heat away from him, shiver going up his spine in response.

Once up to his waist looked towards indy "now what?" he asked hold the stone above the water, slightly shivering.

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The cold was biting, but refreshing to the Pantoran. It had been so long since the last time she had been in the water like this, it was nice to just relax into the exercise. "Go until you reach your neck," she instructed, "and keep the rock below the water."

She kept moving then, further in, until the water was up to her own neck. It was murky and dark but she wasn't worried for herself.

She would see what he would do next, if he would follow or not.


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Felix

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Deeper, really? He quickly thought before sighing softly, he was already waist-deep in it and as the saying goes in for a penny, in for a pound

He began to walk deeper until he reached his shoulder, he's eyes growing wide as he felt something slither and brush against his calf, his head turned to indy. "you sure nothings in here bites or eats padawans? because I just felt something brush against my leg" he asked, discomfort visible on his face at what had just happened. staying put until heard some sort of answer from his new master.

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Indy Sati

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At hearing Felix's fearful words, she glanced over to him, frowning slightly. "Do you think I would bring you here, if there was danger?" she asked him calmly, still holding her rock. She softened her tone, though, seeing his face. "You need to understand something Felix. Trust. In me, in the Force. In yourself, and your value. This water," she jerked her head at him, "is the Living Force. The rock you carry is all your self-doubts, your belief in your uselessness. Would I have bothered to come back after you on Dathomir if I didn't care for you, Padawan?" she asked him directly, turning to face him levelly.

"Learning to sink before you've even begun to swim... you haven't even put your stone down yet," she tsked at him, then grinned slightly.

"Learn to let go... and trust in me. Trust in the Force, Felix."

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Felix

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Felix's eyes were averted from Indy, staring down into the calm murky waters where the rock he was carrying laid in his hands as she spoke.

He tried to swallow way the tightness that was in his throat before he spoke "what if... if I don't want to let go... What if I can't?" he had one particular thing he meant, he didn't want to say out loud, not just yet.

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Indy Sati

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Once again, he was locked in fear. In the present, expecting immediate changes. She sighed, sloshing closer to where he stood. The cooler water brought up goosebumps over her arms and shoulders, and she suppressed a shiver.

"Did I say today?" She asked the young man gently, a gentle admonishment in her tone. "Or even tomorrow?" So saying, she released her rock, and it sank, tumbling away from them into the depths of the lake. Her hand rested on his shoulder, tilting her head so he was forced to look into her eyes, so he would see the concern in them, the care.

"You're not alone, Felix. The Force surrounds us, it binds us, even beyond death. We are never alone, but we must learn to let go to embrace this connection. Trust me, my Padawan." A small smile touched her lips then, gaze patient. "And you won't sink again."

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