Ask Love and Fear

Brahe Sienar

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Jedi Order
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Noctyr
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Brahe's Hangar
Krownest
TIme: 1700

Today was a bit different- rather than wearing his flight suit, Brahe had decided to wear his Jedi robes. Recent events had unnerved the young padawan, weighing on his mind like a rock dropping to the bottom of a lake. They were on a snow and ice planet, yes, but Brahe felt chilled, like a part of him was now hollow, a black hole tearing at him from the inside, twisting and promising the universe if only but for a small portion of the control over his soul.

He had called Fiach here for two reasons- one was to finally show her that gift he had been working on, and the other was something....something he trusted to tell only a few people. So far, only Master Mila knew what happened, but to what extent it had affected Brahe...he wasn't sure exactly what Mila understood of his plight. Things had gotten worse. He woke in the night from nightmares. Visions of things that felt so vivid he might as well have been living them in the moment. Horrible things, really. Death, betrayal, the loss of everything he loved.

But that was far from his mind, as he entered the hangar bay with Fiach, leading her by the hand.

"Close your eyes until I tell you it's okay to open them!" He said, smiling as he led her through the entry hall, made a right, and walked out onto into the open bay where the fighters were stationed. Once they were there, he spoke again.

"Alright, you can open your eyes now!"

When Fiach would open her eyes, the space would be rather empty. Gone were the TIE Ranger, the TIE LNs, the TIE bomber, and all the other fighters that had once populated the hangar. Instead, sitting in the center of the hangar bay were none other than two, pristine, and freshly manufactured TIE Hunters, their S foils folded. A wide grin played across Brahe's face as he put his hands on his hips.

"I sold all the others for these. They are technically interceptors, but I didn't want to spoil the surprise."

@Corbeau
 

Fiach Dubh

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In many ways, Krownest would not rank at the top of Fiach's favourite planets. Not even on the top ten - and she'd visited under twenty to date. If Klatooine was too hot, this was too cold. And whereas she had gotten used to extreme heat, the frigid world that was blanketed in ice and snow was actually difficult to breathe in at times.

It's one redeeming feature was that it was Brahe's home. She still knew little about him and given it's Mandalorian heritage, she wondered if he could trace his lineage back to a Clan - either directly or indirectly. Not that she would even consider asking - she was a firm believer that people told you what they wanted you to know and if they didn't share, it wasn't for discussion.

Not that she'd said a lot about her background - other than where she grew up, her work in the repair shop and her two fathers. She was a Padawan now and on a path - both proverbial and literal - and what mattered most was the present and the future. The past was just that, at least to Fiach.

So she was here once more at Brahe's request and he seemed both excited and nervous. She was getting better at understanding emotions now. Not good, it was hardly innate, but by careful observation, she could sessions that gave her clues.

They were at the hangar bay and finally she was allowed to open her eyes. What greeted them felt...strange to Fiach. She was not good at expressing her feelings. Not because she felt uncomfortable sharing but because she actually found it a challenge to understand them. She closed her eyes momentarily and focused.

Happiness, yes, she was sure of that. Discomfort? Also yes, but why? She searched her memories and recollected a time when she'd broken something and tried to hide the fact before being discovered. Guilt? Yes, guilt. But why? And then it made sense.

"I have to say," she said, facing Brahe, "that this ship exceeds my wildest dreams. What you said back in the library? Well, I wasn't expecting something as wonderful as this. But you sold all of the others, and they took you so long to amass. I feel conflicted. I think that's the word. So happy with the ship but I wish you hadn't sold the others."

"But please don't think I'm not grateful, I really, really, really am. But it is almost too precious to accept."
 

Brahe Sienar

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Noctyr
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Hesitation played across Brahe's face as he contemplated if he was being a little too straightforward with his emotions and how he felt about her by doing this, despite not knowing her for more than a few months. His face went a little pale as the fear crept in, telling him that he had messed things up. That perhaps she didn't feel the same way that he felt about her. It was about as obvious as daylight that Brahe had a crush on Fiach, so the thought of rejection filled him with dismay.

And then there was the familial pressure- his mom's side wanted him to be mandalorian, but his mother had not raised him in the traditional way. He had eschewed many of the traditions that the rest of Clan Wren held in high regard as a result of being raised by his mother, who was a non-traditionalist. Then there was the familial pressure of his father, who had intended for him to become an executive at the company Sienar-Jaemus Fleet Systems.

Mandalorian warrior, Jedi, corporate executive and inventor? He was torn between a multitude of drastically different paths.

"I...." He stopped, his hands falling to his sides as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

He remembered what he had done on Teth, the horror stricken into Master Mila's face.

His hands shook as he stood there, frozen in place, the emotion welling in him.

"I'm afraid, Fiach. I've been having nightmares....visions....horrible, horrible visions. And I know it's the force saying something to me. I know because they feel real, Fiach."

If Fiach decided to touch Brahe at all, she'd notice an unnatural cold to his skin, as if he was in shock, but upon deeper insight with the force, she'd be able to sense something quite unnatural about it. It was something worse. It was dark side corruption. It wasn't much, but it was there, festering like a parasite waiting to take over it's host.

"It all started when Master Mila and I visited Teth. We came across a temple there....and then there we had visions. First Order stormtroopers.....and the Sith Lord Vader..... It was impossible, but being there....seeing it all....it felt real, Fiach! I thought I was actually there! And then just as Vader was about to strike Master Mila....." His face went paler at the next revelation.

"I.....I reached out to Master Mila.....and to protect her....I didn't even think....but I was scared. I was angry. Never was I more scared or angry in my life. I....."

Tears welled up in his eyes again.

"I used force lightning...I'm not even sure who I am anymore...or who I'm supposed to be..and I'm scared. I...I don't know...I don't know what to do......"

His voice trailed off. The poor boy was clearly distraught.

@Corbeau
 

Fiach Dubh

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If Brahe didn't know that Fiach was something of a cold-fish by now, he'd probably be the only person within the Order that didn't. It was not a deliberate decision, just a lack of emotional connection that meant she saw things through the lens of logic only. Feelings didn't play into her decision making and so she was struggling to understand why they impacted others. But she was learning. Slowly but surely she was learning.

The tear was a clue of course, even Fiach spotted this as a sign that all was not well. There was, however, no natural instinct to cuddle or hold or even place a friendly hand on Brahe. Instead she stood and listened. It was something, after all. She was a patient and diligent listener, who never interrupted nor simply waited her turn to speak. No, she gave everyone one-hundred percent of her attention until they finished speaking.

Once sure he had said what he wanted to say, she paused slightly before replying. Her voice was calm and low.

"I cannot profess to be an expert, but I can say that, in my studies, I have identified a difference between a dream and a vision. The former is just that, a dream. Maybe something that is preying on your mind is manifesting itself in this way? It can't be a vision as Darth Vader no longer exists. So that should be something of a comfort to you."

"But I can understand your concerns. You might think you are destined to fall to the Dark side. Yet I am not so sure. This feels more like a warning - and one you're scared of. If you embraced the dream, then that would be a concern."

"Tell me, have you told our Master about this?"
 

Brahe Sienar

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Noctyr
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Brahe was unsure how to answer her question. Mila had been there, to be sure, but as far as discussing the matter, they hadn't formally done so. After he saved her with the force lightning, he had passed out, and the next thing he remembered was being on her ship, the Jabberwocky. But Brahe could see the pain in Master Mila's eyes, despite them not discussing it with one another. She knew that Brahe had a dark side affinity, and he could see the conflict in his master as she wondered whether all those years of training were done right. Her faith in her own personal ability to teach was probably shaken.

"Master Mila and I....we didn't speak of it after it happened. I don't think....I don't think she wanted to talk about it. It's something that I sense brought her much pain."

He clasped his hands behind his back, taking a deep breath to calm himself down.

"I care about her....if she saw me like this, I think it'd hurt her to see me this way...."

He sat down on a tall crate next to Fiach. It was large enough where he could hang his legs off the side.

"I figured I'd tell you first, because you seem to be the most level-headed out of the whole lot of us." He said, laughing a bit to lighten the mood. His own mood, more than anything.

@Corbeau
 

Fiach Dubh

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Fiach suspected the conversation would soon be way outside of her comfort zone. But she owed it to Brahe to help him in any way she could. And she started by listening.

“I suspect you do our Master a disservice. I imagine she would want to, or even need to, discuss it with you. It is her role as your Master after all and she seems entirely diligent in that regards. And don’t worry about how you appear to her. Be honest. Be yourself. That is all that she could ask of you.”

“And if level-headed means logical and not swayed by emotion, then I suspect you’re right. Maybe I am good at giving advice, because I don’t readily know what people want to hear, I can only share what I believe and know. So…speak to her as you have to me. She will not judge you, and would only be offended and upset if you choose not to share this with her. At least, that is my understanding.”
 
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