"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to Celebrity Catch," Elora Trevino addressed viewers, red lips curled into a smile. Welcome back to Celebrity Catch—the five words that stripped her dignity bare and clawed at her sanity every time they left her mouth. "Senator Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl has led an extensive and impressive career and has established his image in the eyes of the public over the last few years. He's the 'Grumpy Grandpa' of politics, a nickname coined by Switter users. He's a gruff and straightforward Wookiee of a bygone era, not a cuddlesome Ewok." Many Ewoks would probably be offended by that statement, but since when had Celebrity Catch cared about offending their audience? "Amorous is the last word anyone would use when describing the four time centenarian. Or is it?"
"There's only one woman in the entire galaxy that holds the woo-key to his heart," she continued, eyes sparkling. Obviously, she'd gone off script with that little play on words and come up with it on the spot. Off camera, several cameramen sighed to themselves, checking their chronos and counting down the hours until they could clock out. "And that one woman is none other that the Senator of Rattatak, Celeste Stythani. That's right! Senator Stythani has been making headlines lately, first with her reformation of Rattatak and subsequent election, and the shocking revelation that she was a diplomat with the Sith Empire. Now we delve into her love life, and I guess someone really would rather kiss a Wookiee.
"This romantic connection between Senator Stythani and Senator Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl would explain the Wookiee's willingness to overlook Stythani's sordid past, particularly when the Senator of Kashyyyk has been one of the Empire's most vehement critics in the past, going so far as to say, 'The Sith are the military force of the appropriately-named Sith Empire; a military force which... is guilty of horrific war crimes.' He, along with several other Free Worlds senators, voted against the proposal put forward by Chancellor Xerxes in the last senate session, which would allow the Sith Empire an envoy in the senate.
Elora grinned. "Odd, that he would welcome her with open arms, but love makes you do strange things." Such as leaving 84 voicemails on Chad Bellamy's answering machine over the weekend. "Tragedy struck Ruusan only days ago, but that tragedy might have been the catalyst of Stythani and Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl's love affair. When Senator Stythani was buried beneath the rubble and debris of The Dome, it was Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl's furry paw that dug her out and pulled her to safety—that pulled her into his arms and carried her to a waiting Sith shuttle.
"It sounds like a scene straight out of a holofilm, but the story doesn't end there. After the free worlds senators escaped Ruusan, Aezzairrfhowrrhudrrl personally accompanied Stythani back to Kashyyyk, where—according to our sources—he has been waiting on her paw and foot ever since. She's staying in the Wookiee senator's personal quarters, and the couple was spotted enjoying a late night meal, high above the capital in a Wroshyr tree—just the two of them. Romantic, isn't it?" So long as the Wookiee didn't shed all over the table.
(not an actual photograph of the couple)
"Celeste Stythani has no interest in returning to Rattatak either, as she recently appeared alongside the Wookiee on Kashyyyk in an emergency meeting of the Free Worlds Alliance. There's no telling how long the two lovebirds will remain holed up on the jungle planet, or what they might be up to, but we here at Celebrity Catch are relieved. Relieved that in a galaxy rife with war and suffering and life size cockroaches lurking around the corner, love still manages to conquer all." Kriff, that was sappy. Elora didn't get paid enough for this.
