- Joined
- Dec 23, 2017
- Messages
- 21
- Reaction score
- 4
I don't know if I can do this...
The thought echoed through Rainea's mind, clear and vivid as the warm and comforting Jedha sunlight pouring through her open window, spilling into the basic sandstone bedroom where she now sat. She knew that the waiting was going to be the hardest part, but the self reflection was something she hadn't really expected, she thought she was past that by now. The same thought bounced around in her mind like a game of pinball, always so close but so distant as she tried to push it away which, ironically, only made it more ever-present: I don't know if I can do this...
She broke away from her introspection and looked up at the barefaced room before her, her face sinking all the more low from it. Once upon a time, this room had been filled with little trinkets and mementos from past battles and missions, fond recollections of good times past, harsh lessons that should never be forgotten...there was a lot of history in this room, history she had to erase. Seeing how bare it had become now actually struck Rainea as kind of fitting in it's own way; she had strayed too far from the path in more ways than one after all, what was one more little deviation from the code? Then again, her keeping things was more a way of keeping some small connection to the past, remembering what she's learned, the masters could appreciate that.
And now we are going to wash that past away to move forward She thought, a small sigh escaping her lips as she stood and started to pace impatiently back and forth across the small room. What was taking him so long!?? He should be here by now unless...no, he was too good to get caught, and even if he was, Rainea had made it clear this was the only way she could go on, it had to be done, even if she would be the one to do the deed (which was the worst case scenario, most likely resulting in a very creative lobotomy). As her mind wandered again to those doubts and fears over what might go wrong, her fingertips grazed across the open lid of the durasteel case laying at the bottom of the bed, robes and weapons sealed within until their time was on them again. They were such works of art, sights like that only made her doubt this all the more...I don't know if I can do this...over and over.
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The room of Gerard Demici had seen better days, though the Jedi Master was far from messy, he just had a lot to do lately. With the consolidation of resources and the fortifications of Jedha, the Jedi Guardians were severely taxed. Most of his days had been spent on the Jedi, so he hadn't had much time to devote to simply keeping his room clean. Still, the summons he had received from his old friend and wartime comrade was urgent sounding enough that, hopefully, he was drawn back to his living space in a timely manner. The two holo-messages sat on his bed, waiting for their recipient, with the first aptly marked "play me first."
This was probably the hardest message Rainea had to record, it was easy enough to talk to yourself, you would at least know how to react, but Gerard...she knew him too well to know he'd take this lightly, especially considering their differing views on the Order's state of affairs.
"Hello Gerard, it's Rainea, I'm sorry for the urgent summons but I needed you to get back here as soon as you could, if this works out then I'm going to be needing you real soon...you have been my friend for as long as I've been a knight, or at least, it feels that way anyway," She said, chuckling hesitantly before swallowing and letting the nervousness show on her face. "I know that you and I have never seen eye to eye about the state the Order is in right now, and to be honest, that's why I think I've gravitated toward you so much over the past few years, you can see the world in a MUCH better light than I ever could as I am right now...in a way, you kind of helped inspire this plan of mine, I want to be like you, and yes, before you say anything, that is the closest you'll ever get to praise from me, no matter what mental state I'm in, you'll always have a horrible saber offense technique, and I will always mock you for it, as will my victory tallies..." She started to trail off here, this was the bombshell she really didn't want to say...but she needed to. "I've tried to see things the way you do, to hold onto hope, but after...after Ilum...I just don't have it in me anymore, so I decided to take drastic actions to save myself from the abyss. Gerard...by the time you watch this, I will have erased my memories. All of them. From Knighting to right now. I know this is radical and stupid and more than likely immoral in the eyes of the council, but this is something I needed to do if I want to keep going!! I just can't bear the nightmares anymore! I can still see their faces every time I close my...I...I left you something else, a second message, it's for...for me, when I'm ready. I know what you're thinking, but I am TELLING YOU, NO, do not show me that holo until I'm ready to take the memories back, if you do it prematurely then I'll only crumble again and perhaps be even worse off...look, you're my friend, so please trust me on this...this is the only way, and I know that you'll help me through this, so please...trust me...Rainea out"
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@Aberforth
The thought echoed through Rainea's mind, clear and vivid as the warm and comforting Jedha sunlight pouring through her open window, spilling into the basic sandstone bedroom where she now sat. She knew that the waiting was going to be the hardest part, but the self reflection was something she hadn't really expected, she thought she was past that by now. The same thought bounced around in her mind like a game of pinball, always so close but so distant as she tried to push it away which, ironically, only made it more ever-present: I don't know if I can do this...
She broke away from her introspection and looked up at the barefaced room before her, her face sinking all the more low from it. Once upon a time, this room had been filled with little trinkets and mementos from past battles and missions, fond recollections of good times past, harsh lessons that should never be forgotten...there was a lot of history in this room, history she had to erase. Seeing how bare it had become now actually struck Rainea as kind of fitting in it's own way; she had strayed too far from the path in more ways than one after all, what was one more little deviation from the code? Then again, her keeping things was more a way of keeping some small connection to the past, remembering what she's learned, the masters could appreciate that.
And now we are going to wash that past away to move forward She thought, a small sigh escaping her lips as she stood and started to pace impatiently back and forth across the small room. What was taking him so long!?? He should be here by now unless...no, he was too good to get caught, and even if he was, Rainea had made it clear this was the only way she could go on, it had to be done, even if she would be the one to do the deed (which was the worst case scenario, most likely resulting in a very creative lobotomy). As her mind wandered again to those doubts and fears over what might go wrong, her fingertips grazed across the open lid of the durasteel case laying at the bottom of the bed, robes and weapons sealed within until their time was on them again. They were such works of art, sights like that only made her doubt this all the more...I don't know if I can do this...over and over.
-------------------------------------------------------------
The room of Gerard Demici had seen better days, though the Jedi Master was far from messy, he just had a lot to do lately. With the consolidation of resources and the fortifications of Jedha, the Jedi Guardians were severely taxed. Most of his days had been spent on the Jedi, so he hadn't had much time to devote to simply keeping his room clean. Still, the summons he had received from his old friend and wartime comrade was urgent sounding enough that, hopefully, he was drawn back to his living space in a timely manner. The two holo-messages sat on his bed, waiting for their recipient, with the first aptly marked "play me first."
This was probably the hardest message Rainea had to record, it was easy enough to talk to yourself, you would at least know how to react, but Gerard...she knew him too well to know he'd take this lightly, especially considering their differing views on the Order's state of affairs.
"Hello Gerard, it's Rainea, I'm sorry for the urgent summons but I needed you to get back here as soon as you could, if this works out then I'm going to be needing you real soon...you have been my friend for as long as I've been a knight, or at least, it feels that way anyway," She said, chuckling hesitantly before swallowing and letting the nervousness show on her face. "I know that you and I have never seen eye to eye about the state the Order is in right now, and to be honest, that's why I think I've gravitated toward you so much over the past few years, you can see the world in a MUCH better light than I ever could as I am right now...in a way, you kind of helped inspire this plan of mine, I want to be like you, and yes, before you say anything, that is the closest you'll ever get to praise from me, no matter what mental state I'm in, you'll always have a horrible saber offense technique, and I will always mock you for it, as will my victory tallies..." She started to trail off here, this was the bombshell she really didn't want to say...but she needed to. "I've tried to see things the way you do, to hold onto hope, but after...after Ilum...I just don't have it in me anymore, so I decided to take drastic actions to save myself from the abyss. Gerard...by the time you watch this, I will have erased my memories. All of them. From Knighting to right now. I know this is radical and stupid and more than likely immoral in the eyes of the council, but this is something I needed to do if I want to keep going!! I just can't bear the nightmares anymore! I can still see their faces every time I close my...I...I left you something else, a second message, it's for...for me, when I'm ready. I know what you're thinking, but I am TELLING YOU, NO, do not show me that holo until I'm ready to take the memories back, if you do it prematurely then I'll only crumble again and perhaps be even worse off...look, you're my friend, so please trust me on this...this is the only way, and I know that you'll help me through this, so please...trust me...Rainea out"
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@Aberforth
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