Ask Changing Destiny

[Oren Zapan]

​

It had been several weeks since the incident on Coruscant, but the wounds that the Jedi Master faced, both physical and mental were fresh in his mind, and he wanted to be alone, to think. It seemed his life had been one of loss, his best friends, his master, and now his lover had been taken from him--was it a test from the Force or a punishment for his past? The Jedi Master wasn't quite sure, he had come to accept reality, slowly and being exposed to death would leave one more and more numb to the feeling. He held no anger in his mind or hatred for those Lords of the Darkside, but he would stand against them again one day--to make sure that others did not feel the same pain or destruction that they had intended.

A Jedi's life was one of self sacrifice, and it seemed that Oren's was that and failure, he needed to get stronger, to protect the Order and to protect the innocent lives of the galaxy, things had slowly unraveled and it seemed that Oren had failed to keep up, or maybe he had been placing too much on his shoulders like Nashyr had always said--there was so much she had said that he kept to his heart. I miss you..

A cool breeze swept through the shores where the Jedi Master lived, and where he had secluded himself, away from the Rangers and from his Jedi, this was his home, and it was one of the few places he had been truly happy. He sat along his porch, the bare skin of his chest was exposed to the warm Rishi heat, though his left arm and hand was covered in a series of bandages and gels, while his lower stomach bared similar treatments, he assumed he looked like a ghoul at this point, but he didn't mind, each scar bore a story of sacrifice he had given, as well as the failures he would have to live with for the rest of his life. His mechanical hand would rest on top of his R2 Unit's domed head, silent and watching the tide.

tag: @Dread

 

[Lilith Vye]

As per usual, Lilith had smothered her signature and sought out the man that probably didn't want to see her. But there was nothing for her to lose, so she had tracked him down like she'd tracked Trys and so many before. She was once again wearing casual clothing, a mix of browns and whites though no coat and only one lightsaber tucked away in a pocket on her belt.

She could sense him... as always. It was almost like he wasn't paranoid at all. How was it possible to live without it? How did it feel? The strange thought drifted through her mind until she came up to him, holding out a datapad and dropping it to his feet.

"Don't worry I wont be in your hair long. I just... came to give you this," she muttered, looking away if he tried to make eye contact with her. She wasn't exactly... telling the whole truth and she hoped he'd somehow not sense that. If he looked at the datapad, he'd find a catalogue of different cybernetic eyes. She didn't understand why he hadn't gotten one yet, and she always secretly felt a pang of guilt whenever she looked at his face.

Lilith moved away from him after to lean against a wall. She crossed her arms and kept her gaze firmly on the ocean. "But since I'm here... I know everything about the prison," she started, turning her head even more away from him so he couldn't see the expression of worry that somehow forced it's way onto her face. "Are... are you okay?"

@TWD26

 

[Oren Zapan]

​

A soft smile formed on his face as he saw her slowly appear over the banks of sand, they hadn't seen each other since the incident on Nar Shaddaa, and he had lived up to her wishes, by staying out of her life. So much had happened since then, and he looked much more tired than she probably remembered--his brown hair had slowly begun to fade, and shades of grey had started to take route around the sides of his head.

He watched as she dropped the datapad towards his feet, and he saw the images of the cybernetic eyes, which cracked a gentle laugh, something he hadn't done in what was most likely weeks. He had slowly begun to learn to see through the force with his eye, and while he still had much to learn, he wouldn't trade it for the world now. "Are there any that allow to me change the eye color?" He'd say with a hint of his old dry humor, though it quickly faded--should he even be making jokes right now?

He knew that was probably why she was here, the prison, it was a crossroads that had drawn lines across the galaxy, and he would never be the same because of it. He had lost the love of his life at that moment, and it still stung, but it slowly faded with each passing day, he needed to be strong for her memory's sake. Her master had been there as well, and fought along side him and his Jedi to save the very prisoners he would have likely killed years ago. He had met the man without his mask, and he had consoled the Jedi at the funeral on Ajan Kloss. He still had much to do to find redemption, to pick up the pieces that he had broken along the way. This girl was one of them, but Talak didn't have to do it alone, he'd be here for her, like he had always been.

"I'm still recovering," he'd say as he peered towards the ocean, "That woman I told you about on Nar Shaddaa, the one I loved..she was there, and she gave her life to defend the prison," he'd say with a soft sigh as his voice cracked. "I've lost my best friend in a training accident, my master to old age, and now my lover...Their memories are the weight I carry, to try and do better, but there are still people left that I care about. I still have Nara," the padawan had become essentially his daughter over the years, "and I still have you."

He'd pull himself up from his seat, wincing as he did so. He'd slowly step towards his sliding door, opening it up to reveal his small home. "I would be a bad guest if I didn't offer you some food," he'd say with a soft smile, "Can you spare an old man some company?" He'd ask with a raised brow.

tag: @Dread

 

[Lilith Vye]

"I... see," she muttered. Pain was clearly in his voice, and from a glance he was also physically in pain. She didn't know how to comfort anyone, including him but felt pressured to try. "Well at least you aren't dead" said said, letting a breath of relief out, but suddenly felt awkward and quickly added. "Ehm...I mean at least you have your life, right?"

Lilith shifted uncomfortably when he said she was one of the people he cared about. She knew he wasn't lying. She'd learned that their last meeting. But he would've done far better in his life if he had never crossed paths with her. She'd hurt him and became a burden to him. That he cared didn't make any sense , but she wouldn't keep trying to push him away. Obviously that wasn't working.

"You got anything to drink?" she asked when he offered food, following him inside. Her eyes scanned around the house, noting the choices in colors, the placement of the furniture and every other detail she could take in. She wasn't entirely sure why she was being so snoopy.... but she didn't have the energy to think too deeply into it.

She walked over to a table and took a seat at a chair, finally allowing her eyes to find their way to the Jedi. "Oren I know the prison overall went badly for the Jedi. Is the Light Side really just that weak or can it be strong?" she asked bluntly.

@TWD26

 

[Oren Zapan]

​

The interior of the home was pretty small, but it had a single bedroom, a living space and a kitchen. Various multi colored carpets covered the dark hardwood floor, and books on the Jedi and various ancient religions were stacked across the room, as well as on his table. It was relatively clean, though the clash of colors hinted at an eccentric personality that he rarely showed to anyone. Along the table would sit a rotating holo-image of Oren with Nashyr.

He gave the girl a simple nod as she tried to console him on his feelings, he admired the attempt, even if the words seemed to be rather blunt. "There is no death, there is only the Force." He'd quip towards the girl as he made his way towards his kitchen, he'd pull two glasses and a bottle of wine that he had stored.

He would make his way towards the couch, and would quickly place the glasses on the table before turning to grab a tunic from his room. "You believe death is a symbol of failure?" He'd ask with a raised brow as he began to pour a glass of wine, "They gave their life for countless others could continue to live on," his voice cracked slightly as he thought about Nashyr, it still hurt, but he knew she was still there with him. "The lightside isn't about powerful physical strengths or breaking another with your own domination..It's about knowledge, self-reflection, and healing. It's about having the courage to stand for others over yourself, even if it means you leave this existence. It gives one the ability to calm themselves, and to calm others around them. It gives one the ability to heal another, and there is rumors that one can manifest their spirit even after death. " He would poke at his flesh. "We are all living members of the force, and we are more than crude physical matter. My friends...My Nashyr may have died, but they still are here, within each and every person that passes.." He missed her, and he probably always would, but instead of giving in to hatred or pity, he would strive to keep making the galaxy a better place.

He would push the glass towards the girl, his eye peering towards the girl, he could feel that something was okay, she seemed lost, or unsure, more than she had in the past. "I know you didn't come here to ask me about such things," his hand would move to rest along her own if she would let him. "Is something wrong?"

tag: @Dread

 

[Lilith Vye]

To say Lilith didn't expect his answer would be an understatement. It was a very, very different view from what she'd been taught, or at least come to understand of the galaxy. At very least, that they didn't see their deaths as failures was quite the foreign concept to her. She didn't say anything as he spoke, not until he got to the end.

She wanted to tell him about her failure. Her stupidity. The crumbling of the cause, that she felt aimless and pointless without it. But she suddenly recalled their last meeting and that he accused her of wanting him to tell her what to do. It wasn't true, but it was another way she'd burdened him. She had sought to understand him, to see if he was actually good and how it could be possible. In reflection, exploring him helped her explore herself. But now she felt like she actually might be seeking guidance... and she knew that could be misconstrued the same way.

"I'm not going to lie," she said, grabbing the glass of wine but not drinking it. "There is something wrong. I came here because you were the only person I could think of to talk to about it, but it was selfish of me. You're suffering with grief and loss, and even if you weren't, it'd still be selfish to put any of it on you."

Lilith shook her head then took a sip of wine. "But I would like access to some Jedi archives to better understand the philosophy and how you and your kin utilize the Force. Things like...like what you did to my saber. I did not know it was possible and it still bugs me to this day. Maybe what I'm saying is I simply want more knowledge. Is there anyway you can provide me digital access?"

@TWD26

 

[Oren Zapan]

​

Oren would rest his metallic hand against his chin, his brown eye watching the young woman as she spoke and opened up about the problems she had been facing, it took courage to do so, and he was proud of her for doing it. "I miss her a lot. I won't sit here and pretend that I don't or that I've never experienced sadness, sorrow, or sometimes anger. The Jedi of old swore against emotions or relationships, but it was a denial against the realities of the physical. We grow close to others, we form memories--good and bad, this is natural. The Jedi of Old is what many think of, when they hear our names.. We can love, and we can care for others, we simply cannot let it control or define our lives, and in Nashyr's case, put the lives of others before our own."

He could play the pity card, but he knew that Nashyr would scold him for doing so, life continued on and she would always be there to watch over him, now he needed to focus on ending the cycle of hatred, and to build a better galaxy for those in the present and the future. "I'm glad you came to me..it means a lot."

He'd take a deep breath as she asked about the Jedi and their archives. There was many things he could present to her, a lot of it was in this room, "I have books I can give you or I could bring to you," he'd smile, "..and I could show you the light side of the force, just you and I, and I can teach and guide you through the things I've learned, if you'd let me."

He'd let the question seep in the air, before asking the question he had wondered for years. "Do you have a name?"

tag: @Dread

 

[Lilith Vye]

His answer at first made her feel a bit calmer, though she still wasn't entirely sure about it. She couldn't sense he was lying, but how could she believe he was actually glad she came to him, even after their last encounter? It felt off, or maybe it was just her paranoia. Either way, he continued on and she started to feel somewhat overwhelmed by the offer to provide both knowledge and guidance.

"No," she started, looking away from him before continuing, "I didn't ask for guidance." She didn't want her words to be misconstrued or to feel guilty. "I just want knowledge on the Jedi."

Lilith shuffled uncomfortably in her chair, there was a lingering question. Something Talak had once mentioned when they first met. "...is it possible to get a grasp without guidance?"

Then he asked for her name and she decided to take a sip of wine first. Then another. And another, much longer sip. She was feeling anxious and maybe a little spooked. But after everything, after he proved he wouldn't share any information on her, she supposed he deserved that at very least. "Lilith..." she said in a quiet voice.

@TWD26

 

[Oren Zapan]

​

"Lilith..." He said the words with a soft whisper, as he looked over her, it had been years and now he finally had a name to put to her face, and he felt a tinge of happiness at that fact, and slowly the markings that remained on his face begin a gentle glow. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you." He'd laugh a bit as he took a sip of his own wine. "It's a pretty name."

He used those words as a buffer to think, he had taught hundreds of children at this point on the ways of becoming a Jed in his various classes. He was a teacher by trade and by heart, but had slowly been forced to take a more proactive stance to protect his students and the galaxy. But, he had never had this challenge before, she knew the force or well had to use it--but, her code and disciplines had been ingrained inside of her. It would take time to unlearn whatever locks her master had placed on her, and it would be a lifetime of contemplation and reflection to maintain that inner balance--but, this was something that all Jedi and members of the light faced. She didn't have to go it alone, but this was her path.

"I can provide you with books, but sometimes personal experience helps." He'd lean back a bit in his chair, "You may not believe it, but I was once expelled from the Order...I was a shut in, and a hermit that had no way on handling his emotions. When I lost my best friend, I sort of refused to just open up or really well do any hing.." He'd think back to those days, and the darkness he had felt then. "I felt lost and conflicted at the time, and full of a lot of anger against the galaxy for taking my friend from me..Slowly, I grew older and so did my Master, the man who literally gave me everything and always looked after me." He knew these words would be hard, and he knew that she would probably judge him, but this was the path to redemption, which he had already achieved--one would need to be honest with their words, even if they made you feel uncomfortable.

"My master grew ill with a terminal illness, his body they said had twisted with tumors and sickness..He asked for me to come and see him, but at the time I was too afraid to see him, I didn't want my last thoughts to be on him, and thus I refused to go and he passed away. I blamed myself and it ate at me, and I nearly got expelled for the way I carried myself, letting my emotions control my actions...It took a lot of time and guidance from people across the galaxy, even students to make me see the way..What I guess I'm trying to say is that everyone deserves a second chance at life, to find the peace or at the least comfort with their own mistakes and past. Books can teach you, it is your path of course, but sometimes a gentle word or two will always put you on the right path." He'd take a deep breath as he finished, ready for her judgement.

tag: @Dread

 

[Lilith Vye]

She noticed the glowing markings when she looked back for a moment, but took another sip of wine. Her glass was pretty much empty already so she sat it down. She listened quietly to his stories while she stared at a window. They were personal stories, something she was still struggling on deciding to share or not. She could not judge him for any of his actions considering everything she'd done.

But by the time he was done it became obvious what he was doing, trying to "redeem" her. She wasn't sure why him offering to show her the Light Side hadn't already made it click, but she stood up. Every part of her body felt anxious about this. "I don't even know what the right path is," she said with a hint of anger to her voice. "I just need to understand the Force better, okay? I just want a book."

She extended her hand out to her side, hoping he'd get her one to read. "I didn't ask for guidance or stories from an old man," she grunted.

As she spoke the words she felt a pang of guilt, knowing it'd hurt him, knowing she was pushing him away again, at least somewhat. But it was too much too quickly and she hadn't even had time to process what had happened to her. In fact, the anxiety of it all finally pushed her off the edge, enough to say something about her situation, "Everything I've worked towards, all these years, has crumbled in front of my face and left me aimless. Pointless. If I can't find... if I don't do something I'm just going to go back out there and kill and kill and kill and kill until I'm completely numb to everything."

@TWD26

 

[Oren Zapan]

​

The Jedi Master would pull himself up from his seat as he limped towards the stack of books that he had kept hanging around the home. He had several old books that he had given to Nara back in the day, simple things about the tenants of the Jedi, and older collections about the Jedi before their genocide. It would be important to read it first in his eyes, and then to read the new version of the code, and if she was curious he would explain why things changed.

He would come back to the table placing two books down. "Read the one on top first, and then the one on the bottom second." He'd smile softly, he didn't mind if she berated him or mocked him, he had grown used to it over the years. "If you're curious as to why the Order changed after reading, I can explain it to you."

He felt a tinge of pain for her though, Talak had brought her into this life and changed her, and now he was gone, but she was left to pick up the pieces. It was something that man would have to live with forever, but Oren could still see the good in her, and he would be there if she needed someone to simply talk to. "I'm sorry you're in this position, that you've been cast away. But, just know you're not alone. I care about you." He'd say with a gentle tone, standing close to her as he peered down towards her eyes.

tag: @Dread

 

[Lilith Vye]

Lilith looked at him as he walked to the books, then quickly away while he was walking back. She waited till she heard the sound of the books hitting the table before looking down. Even though she said nothing, she'd follow his instructions. She looked at him for a second as if he'd steal the books. It made hardly in sense even in her mind but she was feeling anxious and paranoid and so when he was still she snatched up the books.

"Stop saying that," she muttered when he mentioned caring about her again. It felt like every time he said that a small part of her defenses were chipped away, and that worried her. The last time she let it down she suffered for it.

But that was all she said for now. The young Sith turned around and went out the door, onto his deck and sat on it. She didn't care about a chair or whatever else, she just wanted to sit alone outside to read. The first book was flipped open instantly and she started to dive into the pages. Lilith had always been an intense person—a workaholic—so when she decided to seriously devote time to something she put her heart and soul into it.

She read the first book until the sun went down, until it was freezing out yet she would barely even notice. She read until her eyes were so heavy that they could barely stay open, and her mind was so hazy that none of the words were actually sticking. Lilith still stuck through it, until her body finally forced her to give into it's weakness and fall asleep. She dozed off on the deck, her head using the book basically as a pillow.

@TWD26

 

[Oren Zapan]

​

Oren would watch Lilith take the first book to the deck, his hand hanging by his side as he watched her flip open the pages. That book isn't a page turner, he thought to himself as he moved to put away his cups and the wine. He'd peer out, expecting her to come back in with complaints about the nature and verbiage of the contents, but she sat out there in the midday heat, flipping through the pages. Becoming a Jedi or embracing any sort of light or code was inherently a personal journey, it was about reading and creating your own interpretations on what you've learned and then challenging it with new information.

As Oren cleaned he thought about it all, and how his life had changed because of the girl. She provided him with a challenge on Naboo, and it was one that he had taken on from the start, regardless of what the Council or anyone else would think. He knew there was a chance he could fail, but he wasn't going to give up on her so easily. He spent the next few hours milling about the house, constructing his new saber with the parts of his own broken saber and the one from the people he had lost--the crystal inside of it was a pure white, and had been saved from the hands of a Knight of Ren he had captured.

He'd peer out as he heard the sound of crickets and found that nightfall had fallen upon them. Standing up he'd see that Lilith was passed out on the deck, her head resting against the book as a pillow. He'd move quietly in an attempt to pick her up and take her inside to his room. If she allowed him, she'd find herself waking up the next morning nestled in the sheets of a large bed--the smell of food prepared on the table as well as a few more books. If she went to look for Oren, she would find him fishing along the banks of the beach.
tag: @Dread

 

[Lilith Vye]

What she seriously didn't expect was to wake up in a warm and comfy bed. At first she was confused and her eyes darted around the room, but what had happened dawned on her after a few seconds. She frowned because she'd allowed her defenses down and anyone could've killed her back there, but this wasn't the first time she'd become hyper focused on a task until she passed out. Her mind went to Oren's kindness second, but it was still hard to accept it.

Lilith shuffled out of the bed and went out to the kitchen, noting the food on the table. She hadn't ate in days, but sometimes that happened when she felt supremely stressed. She still went up to the table and considered it, but simply picked up a few books and held them against her chest instead.

She did notice the lack of Oren and existed the house, catching a glimpse of the man along the beach shortly after. The young Sith walked up beside the Jedi and stared at him for a handful of seconds before speaking, "They denied emotions?" Lilith tapped her fingers over the books clutched against her chest, particularly against the first one he'd given her. "How?" She wasn't even sure she understood that part right. Did they deny them or simply not show them? It was confusing to her, to say the least, but it would probably be clear as to why she wanted to know.

@TWD26

 

[Oren Zapan]

​

Oren would bring the line in with a gentle pull, smiling softly as Lilith approached him. He felt her gaze upon his back, but he paid it no attention, instead he would slowly wind the reel back in. He would be silent for some time as he sent his line back out into the depths of the ocean--contemplating her question.

"The Jedi of old believed that emotions, attachments, adventure, and excitement were paths to the darkside.." He would respond quietly, "They trained children from birth, teaching them to deny their emotions for the greater good of the galaxy.. Jedi Masters of old realized that the darkside swelled when there was conflict within one, when one let their ego control their emotions and actions." He'd turn back, catching a look at her.

"This is a good idea in theory, but impractical, as we are organic and it would be impossible to not feel a closeness or an attachment to others. It left the Masters and the Council of old ill prepared to handle these ideas on love or attachments that we do form, they said to simply let go or to forbid yourself to think upon such emotions..and with it came the downfall of the Order..."

He thought about it for a moment, "I understand where they were coming from, by forming bonds we leave ourselves susceptible to the call of the Darkside, especially when something negative happens to the bonds we care about the most. What the Jedi Order should have done was not forbade love, but teach that love is a challenge that is worth fighting for, that with as much joy as it brings it brings equally as much sadness..We must learn to live with our emotions, to accept the pain or the sadness we feel. We must also tell the difference between love and blind passion, this is what I teach all my students now..Many believe that a Jedi lacks conflict, but we face it daily. The way you deny your emotions is by accepting that you feel that emotion, you nurture it for a moment, and you simply do your best to release it from your mind. You take a walk, you talk to someone, you train, meditate, help someone. The only way to move past something is to first accept that it exists..does that make sense?"

tag: @Dread