House Malvern

Discussion in 'Lore Archives' started by Sabrina, Apr 12, 2019.

  1. Sabrina

    Sabrina Member

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    House Malvern

    Overview
    House Malvern is a minor noble house, that is based on Serenno. They currently operate under their banner and have sworn fealty to them house Demici. They are on the verge of becoming one of a great house of Serenno, though they are not quite ready to cast aside house Demici. They like house Demici, are into finance, and banking. Though their future investments are in the land. They are planning for the future, by buying up land when they can, they use local holding companies. The land they're looking for is currently worthless, but are near towns and cities, in hope that they will be expanded into them in a few generations times. They are also the strongest of house Demici allies, and treated with respect in their presence, as all allies should be.

    Appearances and Expectations
    House Malvern has a dress code, for all notable members, when on business. This is a black cape, with white fur trimmings. They would be frowned upon if they did not look their best when representing the house in any business dealings. They are also vain and take the art of dueling quite serious. This is because it helps them keep physically fit, as well as ready and able if need be to call on for combat. They are expected from a young age taught to fight, whether this is a lightsaber, sport shooting, or flying. As being a noble house, they may be called to protect its interest with force. They are expected to pay their debts, also to come to family first for loans. As they do not want outsiders, to have a financial hold over house member.

    Members of the house, are also expected to set up a small business, to help with costs. These are to maintain a few troops or bodyguards, to a small army or fleet. The reason for this is so that house, if need to, can enforce its own will on another.

    Allies
    House Malvern, whilst operating under the banner of the house Demici. They also seek other allies, who can understand their status and needs. They are always looking for other partners, as such they currently in a nonformal way, courting the sith empire. As they see this as a way coming out from house Demici shadow, though dealing with sith has its drawbacks. So any offer from them goes to debate, to see if the transaction is worth it. This is due to house having one eye on today and another one in a few generations time.

    House Malvern Crest
    [​IMG]


    House Malvern crest is a simple one, black Corvid on a black background. The Covid was chosen, as it is considered one smartest bird the galaxy. They can solve problems, and considered an excellent hunting bird.

    Notable People
    Count Thraen currently the head of House Malvern
    @Sarla Malvern granddaughter of Count Thraen

    Intent
    To expand the Great Houses of Serenno, and give some lore to House Malvern, for my current Character, and future characters.
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2019
  2. Nor'baal

    Nor'baal That guy who RPed Hutts all the time.

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    Hi @Sabrina

    I understood why, as you've mentioned the reasons before, however this lore write up has a considerable amount of errors in it - to the extent that some of it doesn't make sense.

    I'd recommend you take another look, maybe with something like Grammerly turned on for your browser (I find it helps me a lot) so that this is easier to understand.
     
  3. Sabrina

    Sabrina Member

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    @Nor'baal can you point out grammar errors, as I have not got good grasp of grammar.

    Also what is Grammarly?
     
  4. Nor'baal

    Nor'baal That guy who RPed Hutts all the time.

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    I have underlined errors and put suggested additions in blue. As for Grammarly[/ur] - it is a google chrome attachement that functions as a spell checker, grammar checker and punctiation tool.

    As an aside, please do not consider this to be a review, I am not a moderator - just trying to help you out with the structure and spelling. You may need to add in more content, or provide more clarity on content if the Lore Moderators require it in their official review.


    House Malvern

    Overview

    House Malvern is a minor nobel house, that is based on Serenno. They are on the verge of becoming one of great house of Serenno, though they are not quite ready to cast aside house
    Demici. They currently operate under their banner, and have sworn fealty to them. They like house Demici, are into finance, and banking. Though their future investments are in land. They are planning for the future, by buying up land when they can, using holding companies. The land they are looking for is currently worthless, but they buy it near towns and cities, in hope that that they will expanded into them in a few generations times. They are also the strongest of house Denici allies, and treated with respect in their presents, as all allies should be.

    Appearances and Expectations
    House Malvern has a dress code, for all notable members, when on buissness. This is a black cape, with white fur trimmings. They would be frowned upon, if they did not look their best, when representing the house in any buissness dealings. They are also uslay vain, and take art of dueling quite serious. This is because it helps them keep physically fit, as well as ready and able if need be to called on for combat. They are expected from a young age taught to fight, weather this be lightsaber, sport shooting, or flying. As being noble house, they may be called to protect its interest with force. They are expected to pay their debts, also to come to family first for loans. As they do not want outsiders, to have a financial hold over house member.

    Members of the house, are also expected to set up a small business, to help with costs. These are to maintain a few troops or bodyguards, to a small army or fleet. The reason for this, is so that house if needed to can enforce it own will on another.

    Allies
    House Malvern, whilst operating under the banner of the house Demici. They also seek other allies, who can understand their status and needs. They are always looking for other partners, as such they currently in non formal way, courting the sith empire. As they see this as way coming out from house Demici shadow, though dealing with sith has it drawbacks. So any offer from them goes to debate, to see if the transaction is worth it. This is due house having one eye on today, and another one in few generations time.

    House Malvern Crest
    [​IMG]

    House Malvern crest is a simple one, black Corvid on black background. The Covid was chosen, as it is consider one smartest birds the galaxy. They can solve problems, and considered excent hunting bird.
     
    Sabrina likes this.
  5. Sabrina

    Sabrina Member

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    @Nor'baal cheers, I get on with editing, and no I don't consider it a review.
     
  6. Sabrina

    Sabrina Member

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  7. Aberforth

    Aberforth Technical/Org/S&P Admin Backend Administrator

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    Hello @Sabrina! I'll be reviewing your submission.

    I'll be blunt: there isn't much for me to review. This write-up is extremely minimalistic and I fail to see what it accomplishes in terms of contributing to the site's overall story. If you want to use the Malvern name, you don't really need a write-up for that. What we're especially looking for with lore submissions are elements that players can use to build stories.

    The first thing you need to do if you want to get this approved is to redefine your intent: how is added information you are providing going to be used in RP?

    Then, you should construct a history for House Malvern that will explain the IC goals you have for them.

    Clearly outlining the assets they possess will also give them a sense of purpose. Example: if a player want to raid House Malvern for credits (to be turned in for AT), where should they go?

    Tag me when the changes are done and I'll give it a second look.
     
    Sabrina likes this.
  8. Sabrina

    Sabrina Member

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    @Aberforth can you give me an example for me to work from?
    As I went from the great houses serenno, and put in some lore from House Malvern I found on wookie.
     
  9. Aberforth

    Aberforth Technical/Org/S&P Admin Backend Administrator

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    @Sabrina Depending what you want to do with House Malvern (intent), either something like this or something like this. Read the intent on those submissions and chose the model that corresponds to what you want to do.
     
    Sabrina likes this.
  10. Aberforth

    Aberforth Technical/Org/S&P Admin Backend Administrator

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