Home is Where the Heartache Is

[Ussej Padric Bac]

*If there was one thing that Ussej could not stand in life, it was the idea of a betrayal. He had been betrayed here and there by small time smugglers, bounty hunters and such but never would he have imagined a betrayal the magnitude of what Damien Nightblade had just done. And, he still couldn’t quite understand it. Damien was happily in love with Queen Arael of Onderon, so why would he need to steal Laili from him? But, in his mind, a question like that was no different than asking why the sky is blue or why the Force had willed that the Sith Empire was to take over. None of those things made sense to him, and neither did the nature of Damien’s mind and heart. But, there was nothing that anyone could do. Laili was the fiancée of Ussej Padric Bac, and he would be damned if anyone took her from him.

Laili’s Rose soared towards Onderon, the vessel plunging into the atmosphere of the small planet. Within moments, the city of Iziz appeared before him and he flew the ship straight down to the Docking Bay. The ship set down softly in the furthest bay from the entrance, annoying him even further, though in all truth he didn’t mind the walk to clear his head. He stepped out of the small ship, walking straight past the Port Authority Officer that was welcoming him back to Onderon. He only had one destination, and nothing would keep him from it. He had to go home....he had to be sure she was his.*

[Lillianne Crasse]

Laili never had been one to really sit and calm her mind. Life as a smuggler had taught her to always be on the go. This adjusting to a Jedi's lifestyle and staying rooted on one planet was wearing on her nerves. Yet, there was one aspect that had her more worked up than usual. She had sensed when Ussej had left the apartment that something wasn't right. Throwing the dust towel down and blowing hair out of her face, she looked around the apartment criticising every small detail. She never was a homebody and now she was heading just for that kind of lifestyle. It felt weird, but she wanted to impress Ussej. Besides, cleaning at least gave her something to do. Ever since the great exile of the Jedi, she hadn't been allowed to leave Onderon. Part of her wished she were still out there in the vast expanse of space. Here everything felt like it was caving in. It only seemed to be right when he was around.

What would Ussej say about this? He'd probably chide me for not meditating, but I can't focus, she thought to herself.

Moving to the kitchen she began to search through the cabinets trying to find something...anything that might have been left behind by the previous owner. She needed something to ease her mind.

[Ussej Padric Bac]

*He walked through the streets of Iziz, his brown hood covering his worried and angered face. The walk was somewhat soothing to him, as he needed to collect his thoughts before telling Laili what was happening. She would obviously be very worried, and both would have to be cautious of Damien Nightblade in the future. A betrayal of this magnitude made him feel as if he was knocked to the ground and kicked in the stomach. Thinking about it made it hard to breathe, and for a moment a tear welled up in his eye and fell to the ground, splashing into pieces much like his soul had done the day before on Kashyyyk. Damien was his friend all of his life, and nothing that the Jedi Order taught could have prepared him for this. He reached the porch of his apartment, seeing Laili looking through the cabinets. He threw back his hood and sat at the table in the small dining room, not saying a word.*

[Lillianne Crasse]

She didn't know he had come in as she rummaged through the cabinets picking up bottles to shake them only to find them empty. So much for finding something to soothe her nerves. Sighing and shutting the cabinet doors, she turned around and let out a gasp of surprise as she saw him sitting there at the table. From the way he had come in so quietly and how his posture was, she knew something was wrong. Cautiously, she moved closer to him.

"Ussej? What's wrong? What's happened?"

[Ussej Padric Bac]

*For what seemed to be an eternity to the young Jedi Knight, he said nothing. Silence flooded the room, and even the sounds of the bustling Onderonian citizens did not make it to his ears as he concentrated only on the betrayal. Hearing Laili’s words, he could think of no way to tell her. How do you tell the woman you love that someone is trying to steal her away from you, he thought to himself. What will she think? Will she draw herself closer to me, or will she draw back towards Damien? How real is this love? The thoughts flooded through him, though he could think of only one way to tell her and that was the direct and upfront way.*

“It’s Damien,” he told her. “He’s trying to take you from me....for himself.”

*It was as if the weight of half of the galaxy had been lifted off of his shoulders, as telling her what was happening was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. However, the other half of the galaxy that still weighed down on him was the worry of Damien making a move on Laili and then losing her forever. He couldn’t lose her, especially not to Damien who was already madly in love with Queen Arael. He would not let this pass. He vowed days earlier when they became engaged that he would do anything to protect her, and he was not about to give up that promise if Damien became a larger figure in the picture of their relationship than he already was.*

[Lillianne Crasse]

Laili didn't know what to think as she sat down at the table dumbfounded by what she just heard come from Ussej's mouth. It didn't make sense to her. Why would Master Nightblade want anything to do with her when he was enamored by Queen Arael? Though her training was short in the force, she could feel his anger resonating around him. Sliding her hand across the table, she bent her head down to try to get him to look her in the eyes. She didn't know what was going on, but she was bound and determined to get to the bottom of this. There had to be more reason for Ussej to believe this. He couldn't doubt her love for him, could he?

"Ussej, Master Nightblade is madly in love with the Queen. I'm sure he holds no feelings toward me and even if he did, he's too late. I've already chosen the one I want to be with for the rest of my days."

Watching his face to see if his tension would relax, she squeezed his hand and smiled at him hoping his mood would lighten at her words. Yet, Ussej was stubborn. The likelihood of him even letting this go was slim. She knew it was gnawing him to the core and that in a sense worried her more than anything.

[Ussej Padric Bac]

Ussej shook his head at her words, expecting a naïve response such as that from her. She did not know Damien Nightblade in the slightest, so he did not expect her to understand his thinking or the thinking of a Jedi Grandmaster who had warped the Jedi Code so that it suited not only his personal life but his personal ambitions as well. As she placed her hand atop his, he pulled back. He couldn’t bare her touch now, as all it brought were images of her in love with Damien, forgetting that Ussej Padric Bac even existed. He stood up from the table, throwing his cloak onto the chair. He slammed his hands down on the kitchen counter, his back turned from Laili and his problems.

“Look”, he said with a trace of anger across his voice. “I don’t expect you to understand this. You’re just a padawan, and padawans don’t understand the minds of superiors like Damien Nightblade. He’s the Grandmaster of the Jedi Order. You don’t get a title such as that by playing it safe and saying ‘I see. Oh well, someone’s already there. I better find another horse to ride!’ Things just don’t work like that around here. Guys like him do what they need to do to get the job done, sometimes without thinking it through first.”

[Lillianne Crasse]

As he pulled away from her and rose from the table giving into his anger more, she felt as if she had been slapped across the face. Staring at the table and flinching when he slammed his hands on the counter, she was about to speak when he launched into his insulting words. She rose from the table and turned quickly to face him as her voice raised and her cheeks flushed in anger.

"Just a padawan? Is that all I am? Oh yes, I don't understand. I haven't put my life on the line for years in my life of smuggling and dealing with the scum of the galaxy and their manipulative ways. I don't know how things work in the real world outside the safe confines of the Jedi. I know probably more about that life than you'll ever know. You're acting like a spoiled child, Ussej! THINK! Why would Damien do such a thing? What proof do you have?"

[Ussej Padric Bac]

“No,” he said. “I was all wrong. It’s not that you don’t understand. It’s that you’re ignorant to what’s right in front of you. Smuggling is child’s play compared to this, Laili. As a smuggler, you just have to outrun the people who are trying to arrest you. As a Jedi, you have to outrun the Empire that wants to kill you! The dangers of smuggling don’t even hold a candle to the dangers involved in being a Jedi Knight.”

It was amazing to him how naïve she truly was. Safe confines of the Jedi, he repeated to himself. What is she kidding me? The Jedi have never been safe. If anything, becoming a Jedi Knight was the most dangerous task anyone could throw in front of someone. And, at times like these, he would rather trust a Sith Lord with Laili than he would with Damien. She just didn’t understand, and her stubbornness and ignorance would never allow her to.

[Lillianne Crasse]

His words were the final stab in her heart as tears rose in her eyes and her voice quivered with rage. He had just hurt her to the core and she was ready to lash out at him with all within her.

"Is that how you truly feel? So be it. Go off and enjoy your Jedi life without this ignorant padawan who'll never understand such higher ways of the workings of the Jedi. I don't know what I was thinking of ever joining the Jedi anyway. Such low beings as smugglers will never comprehend things as the Jedi do."

Saying nothing more, she turned and quickly headed to her room. Stopping at the doorway, she turned back to look at him and hurled her final insult to him.

"Believe these lies you're holding onto and let them consume you further. Perhaps I should have chosen Damien over you. At least he treats her with more decency and respect than you've ever shown me."

Turning away, she wiped the tears from her eyes and moved to where she had stored her belongings. She couldn't stay now...not after all of this.

[Ussej Padric Bac]

Ussej turned away from the sink as she walked into the bedroom, moving towards the door. He picked up the chair against the wall and kicked it out of the way, knocking it over as it hit the wall on the far end of the hallway. As she walked towards the closet, he grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her towards him. As he looked into her eyes, his grip on her arms became violent as he began pressing into her skin with his fingers.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me,” he screamed, the rage within his eyes and voice becoming more violent than at any point throughout his life. “When I’m talking to do, don’t you ever think of walking away from me again. Do you understand me? Do you?!”

His expression was riddled with anger and hatred as his face became red. No one had ever seen him like this before, including himself. Most would be worried about the temptations of the darkness at this point, though nothing other than Damien and Laili were on his mind now....not even the threat of the Dark Side.

[Lillianne Crasse]

She glared at him as tears fell down her cheeks and she tried to shrug out of his grip. Yet, he was holding onto her too tightly. Her body trembled from his tone and the look in his eyes. Flinching as he yelled at her and shook her with each word, she was unsure how to proceed. She'd never seen him pushed to such limits before and it scared her.

"Let me go, Ussej. Look at what this is doing to you. Can't you even see it or is your damned pride too much? The man I see before me now is nothing of the man I came to love. Where has he gone?"

[Ussej Padric Bac]

The rage and hatred within him finally reached his boiling point as he slapped her across the face, a bright red mark left on the side of her cheek. He picked her up and threw her across the room onto the bed, turning around and walking out of the bedroom door.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he vowed. “I’m leaving for tonight, so don’t wait up. You had better be here tomorrow when I come back, or there’ll be hell to pay!”

He slammed the bedroom door shut as he walked towards the table, throwing his cloak back on. He walked out of the door and fell to his knees in the street, letting out the rage and hatred in a violent scream that shook the ground beneath him and woke the sleeping citizens around him. He stood up, stumbling towards the inner-city. What he needed now was a drink, and he needed it now more than ever.

[Lillianne Crasse]

Her cheek stung still from his slap as she laid upon the bed and heard him quickly leave the apartment. The rage within him was to such a point, she feared for him and whomever might cross his path. Hurriedly, she got to her feet and ran to the door throwing it open and looking out into the street calling his name through the sobbing. Persons from nearby apartments had opened their doors from his scream of outrage and others were glancing out the window as she saw him stalking away never turning his face to even give her a backwards glance.

"Ussej!! Ussej, come back! Please! Ussej!"

Helplessly, she knew going after him would be the worst thing she could do. Moving back inside the apartment robbing the nosey neighbors of the spectacle, she shut the door and the world out. Leaning against the door as the sobbing and tears flowed freely, she slowly sank to the floor.

What have I done, she thought.

Closing her eyes, she drew her legs up to her chest wrapping her arms around them and burying her face. She stayed just as that for hours until she had no more tears to shed.

[Lillianne Crasse]

Laili had stayed up all night waiting for him to return to no avail. He had been true to his words about not coming back that night. Fearing what he might be doing to release his anger and hoping that he wasn't doing something foolish, she found herself often pacing the floor and even considering calling to the Jedi to search for him. Yet, she knew if she were to do that, they would grow suspicious and she would be putting their secret at risk of being found out and his life as a Jedi. It was something she couldn't do for she knew how much he loved the Jedi and how devoted to them he was.

When daylight began to break, she moved to the kitchen to prepare enough breakfast for them both in the hopes he would return soon. Fixing the biggest breakfast she had ever before, she set the table and waited until the food grew cold not even taking a bite. Feeling the tears return to her, she ended up scraping the food into the waste recepticle after a couple of hours had passed. She had to go looking for him. He had to be somewhere on Onderon.

Weary from the long night and feeling the pain of the bruises upon her arms as her hands rubbed her arms, she went to the bedroom and began to freshen up. Just as she emerged from the refresher, she heard the sound of the someone trying to reach her. Wrapping her robe around her and running her fingers through her hair, she moved into the main room and answered the call. It was none other than Queen Arael.

"Your Highness. What is it I can do for you?"

Arael's face seemed to be concerned as her eyes seemed fixated on the features of Laili. She could tell the woman had very little sleep and there was a tinge of discoloration on her cheek.

"I need to meet with you as soon as possible, Laili. We've a mission for you to undertake of great importance."

Laili nodded her head knowing she couldn't refuse the queen a meeting. Yet, Laili knew she couldn't leave Onderon. Who knew how Ussej would respond if he returned to the apartment and she was nowhere to be found?

"Of course, m'lady. I'll be right there," she said before severing the link before the queen could even ask her questions. Moving back to her bedroom, she began to dress herself and thinking upon how she could get out of this mission as well as what story she could concoct for her appearance. Once fully dressed, she moved to the kitchen counter and typed up a quick message to Ussej saying she was sorry for all she had said to him and letting him know she had been summoned by the queen and did not leave of her own accord. Laili only hoped it would be enough to sate his anger toward her.

<span style="font-family:System">Ussej,
I'm sorry about the things I said last night. You know I love you and no other. I'll never leave your side. Please, stay. I have been summoned to the palace by the Queen and cannot refuse the meeting. I hope and pray you'll be here when I return. You are my life, Ussej. I would never betray you and never leave you. You must believe me. No one can take me away from you. Again, please forgive me. I love you.

Laili </span>